What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me.

But then I got smacked with a dictionary.

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says " Woah! This guy seems tougher then he l...

A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones.

The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"

"No, I've been run over by a truck."

What do you call Southern Protestant finger bones?

Phalangelicals

What do chemists dogs do with their bones?

They Barium!

Why are bones so calm?

Nothing gets under their skin!

There are 27 bones in the human hand...

and 28 when I’m lonely.

Did you hear that Diana had to give up her lifelong dream of being a paleontologist because she developed a bad back from all the bending over to study bones?

Yeah, Diana sore.

I could tell you a joke about bones...

But some of you may not find it very humerus

Did you hear that NASA found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body

Now 207
Now 206
Now 207

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son was excited about our Catholic church’s archeology class.

But all he saw was a bunch of old bones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

A skeleton goes into a bar and the bartender asks,"What"ll it be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."

HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Railroad

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, w...

How much does a pile of bones weigh?





It must weigh a skele-ton!

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

A TromBONE!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!

Me: DOOT DOOT!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are dogs bad at oral sex?

Because they chew on bones.

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

Dogs can't see your bones

but catscan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A judge challenges the local doctor to tell him whether there people are mad or not.

The three people enter the doctor's chamber and take their seats.

The flustered doctor decides to ask them the same question.

Doctor:- 1 bag has 3 balls. How many balls are there in 3 bags?

Man 1:- Is the ball black? Is the bag red? Is the bag tied with a string? When we imagine...

Why can't chemists dogs' ever find their bones?

Because they barium

What do you need for a movie about broken bones?

An awesome cast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman peers into her bedroom mirror and sighs, deeply.

Her husband quickly asks what the issue is, concerned. She turns around, facing him, “I’m not who I used to be. My forehead is wrinkly, my nose and ears are giant, my lips are deflated and my crows feet are deepen more and more by the day! My collar bones are undefined and my arms are flappy. My beh...

Never break someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Why aren't teeth called bones?

Because I can't *teeth* your mom

Humans have 206 bones in thier body

And still we think our dogs love us for no reason

Age brings wisdom

A cruel pet owner abandons his old dog in the deepest jungles of Africa. Wandering around, the poor old dog notices a leopard coming rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

Just then, the old dog noticed some bones laying on the ground close by. 
The dog immediately se...

I had a horrible nightmare last night

I dreamed that I was attacked by a ship of undead who were nothing but bones.

Fortunately, there weren't very many of them. It was a skeleton crew, after all.

I know the human body has 206 bones, but how many do you actually need?

Money is tight right now

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones ?

Skele Tons

What is something that has always supported you, but you never care to see?

Your bones.

All the bones went to Tibia and Fibula's place...

They were having a shindig.

A rabbi, a priest and a minister want to see who is best at their job...

So they decide to go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. A few days later, the the priest and the minister bump into each other at the hospital, where each person is being treated for their particular injuries. They then tell each other about their experience.

The prie...

To Thrive in life, you need 3 bones.

A Wish Bone, A Back Bone and a Funny Bone.

My favorite jokes are ones about bones in your arms.

There’s nothing more humerus.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age ...

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