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Bodies Jokes

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

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How many dead bodies

How many dead bodies in your basement does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than five, obviously. I can’t see anything down there.

I used to have a rare psychological disorder that made me think I was various bodies of water.

I'm well now.

4 Norse god, 1 Roman god, and 2 astronomical bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says " Oh, this is a gonna be a week joke"

When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

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How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 6, cause my basement is still dark

I can't stand stuck up bodies of water...

Like, get over yourself Lake Superior!

What do you call a bunch of dead bodies in the streets of Tiananmen Square?

Your imagination

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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,


I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.


Love Dad.
\~\~\...

Why don’t ants get Covid?

Because they have tiny little anty bodies.

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I have to commend my friend for having a lot of balls to sign up for the Reality TV show, “Embarrassing Bodies”.

Three, to be exact.

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

How do scientists get rid of bodies?

Barium

I used to be two separate cells in two human bodies…

now i’m a human body in a separate cell

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.

"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
...

Airplane crashed into a cemetery.

Rescuers have already pulled 10,000 dead bodies from the wreckage and are still pulling out more...

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The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

What has five bodies and one soul?

A Kia full of Gingers.

Three engineers are arguing what type of engineer God is

The first says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Look at how we manipulate our arms, legs, lungs, and how blood flows through our bodies. God is a mechanical engineer."

The second says, "No. God is an electrical engineer. Our nervous system, heart, brain. Everything is run by electrical impulse...

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A husband on a work trip when decides to call his wife at home...

A woman the husband doesn't recognize picks up the phone.

"Who is this?" asks the husband.

"I'm the maid. I was hired yesterday," says the maid.

"Ah. Could you put my wife on the phone?" asks the husband

"No, she's busy having sex with someone in the room upstairs," repli...

A man asks an undertaker "how many bodies are buried in this cemetery"?

He replies with "All of them."

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Just to be sure, are dead bodies gay?

Cause they just keep coming out of my closet

What do you call outfits that are made from dead bodies?

Casual T's

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

What is another name for all the bodies of water on the Earth?

Cloud Storage.

(Original joke!)

Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters?

Because they are filled with anty bodies.

What the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies.

There isn’t a Lamborghini in my garage.

On day four of Creation, God was busy putting up all the celestial bodies.

He made the fertile Earth, and its moon, and went around conjuring up all the different planets of the solar system. He made Saturn and looked upon it. As he examined it, he was taken aback. He realized that it was very, very good.

He decided he liked it, so he put a ring on it.

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