UPJOKE
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Controlled Jokes

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.

I've just invented a telepathically controlled air freshener

Makes scents when you think about it.

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

Did you all hear about the mind controlled air-freshener that Febreze is developing?

It's a bit crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

At first I didn’t understand how to use my mind-controlled air freshener

But after thinking about it for a while, it finally made scents.

Why can't a pulsar be observed by any computer controlled optical telescope?

Video killed the radio star.

I mind controlled a guy to get me something at an auction

Now he does my bidding

It is claimed that Trump thought Finland was controlled by Russia

Finnish officials shrugged and said they thought the same was true of Trump

How would a giant robot that's controlled by multiple people be rendered useless?

Make operating it a school group project!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

Did you know that banana peel is supposed to be put under the controlled substance act?

It can give you bad trips.

I just had a terrible dream. In a dystopian future, robots controlled every aspect of our lives.

Good thing my alarm woke me up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the U.S. masturbation is the only thing that isn't taxed, regulated or controlled by the government..

It's their way of saying feel free to go fuck yourself..

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