UPJOKE
holdincludecarryhold backtakebearhold incomprisesubduecontrolrestraincurbencloseretainkeep

Contained Jokes

SCUBA is an acronym for "Self contained underwater breathing apparatus". Tuba is also an acronym.

It stands for "terrible underwater breathing apparatus"

Y'know, it's not surprising the wildfires in Rhodes are having difficulty being contained.

After all, you're not supposed to put water on a Greece fire.

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.

At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that ...

Can a salmon be contained?

No, but a tuna can.

Your beauty cannot be contained by the set of all real numbers.

That's because it's imaginary.

A woman said to her husband: "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"

The man smiled and said: "You'll know tonight." That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She embraced him, and then slowly and unwrapped the package. It contained a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams.

A rich man dies and his three sons inherit his estate

One's a doctor, one's a lawyer, and one's a priest. His dying request to the three of them is that, to show their gratitude for all the money he's leaving them, he wants each to take out $10,000 and put it in his coffin. The day of the funeral comes, and each of the sons dutifully puts a paper bag i...

I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken

I didn't know where to start.

Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America.

As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulder. The Customs officer asked him what he had in the sacks? Paddy replied Mobile phones.

The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough both sacks contained quite a few phones. "W...

I know why the Coronavirus will not become a serious threat and will be contained and cured

anything "Made in China" never works properly

The other day a blimp told me he contained a perfect vacuum

I told him he was full of hot air

A man recently took an author to court after he was sold a book that only contained five words.

He received a short sentence.

My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...

It looks like the boa cons tricked her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Girl And Construction Workers

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction cr...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.