SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know TUBA is also an acronym? Yeah really. It stands for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

Compliments of Hank Green

I know why the Coronavirus will not become a serious threat and will be contained and cured

anything "Made in China" never works properly

My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...

It looks like the boa cons tricked her!

[Long] I was working the register of a pharmacy when a woman came up to me asking for breath mints.

I pointed her to the candy aisle and told her they were about halfway down on the left.

She said that she'd been down there already, and that all of the mints had loads of sugar in them, and if she them they'd make her hyper and overly excited.

I had never heard of anyone getting too e...

Can a salmon be contained?

No, but a tuna can.

A man recently took an author to court after he was sold a book that only contained five words.

He received a short sentence.

A guy goes to Court because he thinks that his neighbor stole the fence surrounding his yard

Guy: This man has stolen the fence surrounding my house, which was contained in my property

Judge: understood. Do you, the accused have a defense?

Neighbor: yes.

Judge: **Guilty**

Your beauty cannot be contained by the set of all real numbers.

That's because it's imaginary.

I bought an e-book today.

I was pleasantly surprised it contained a lot of other letters as well.

I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken

I didn't know where to start.

The other day a blimp told me he contained a perfect vacuum

I told him he was full of hot air

A dying man wants to prevent his family from inheriting his wealth. So he entrusts the money to his three closest friends: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

He gives each friend an envelope with $1,000,000 in cash, and makes them all swear to bury the money with him when he dies. They all shake hands and solemnly agree.

A few months later the man dies, and the three friends place their envelopes in the casket.

Later, privately, the doctor...

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