This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

### I’ve discovered that alcohol contains female hormones

After drinking you can’t drive, you never stop talking and have to sit while peeing.

A firetruck :D

### What is the difference between science, philosophy and religion?

Science is when you search for a black cat in a dark room.

Philosophy is when you search for a black cat in a dark room even though the room contains no cat.

Religion is when you search for a black cat in a dark room even though the room contains no cat – and then you ...

### NASA is getting transmission from their moon mission astronauts

"Houston, we have a problem. Russians just landed on the moon."

"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."

"Houston, we have a problem. Russians started to paint moon red."

"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."

"Houston, we have a problem. Hal...

### What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

**Principal:** What is 3+3?

**Boy:** 6.
...

### A fire hydrant contains H20 on the inside.

And K9P on the outside.

### Teacher: So what’s your sentence that contains the word contagious?

Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.

### What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A traffic cop stops a man for speeding

Man: "I don't have it, they suspended it for speeding."

Policeman: "Can you show me the registration document of the car?".

Man: "It's not mine, I stole it".

Policeman: "You stole this car?".

Man: “Exactly. But wait a...

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### Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery.

Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."

### This sentence contains exactly threeee erors.

The third error? The fact that there are only two errors.

The fourth error? Running this gag

### What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

### The bottle of suncream I bought said "When applied properly, this bottle contains 15 uses".

It's probably more but they're just covering themselves.

### My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

### A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’

‘Then I shall fly on,’ answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everythi...

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### Apparently Beer Contains Female Hormones:

After you drink enough.

you cannot drive:

Or shut the fuck up:

### During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

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### If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don’t vampires suck cock?

Oh wait… Twilight

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucking genuises

A chemis-tree.

### Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.

### A man finds a magic lamp which contains a genie...

The genie tells the man he will grant him 3 wishes but anything he asks for his ex-wife will get doubled. The man thinks a moment before saying he wanted one million dollars. The genie said it is done and your ex-wife has received two million. For his second wish he said he wanted a large home. Agai...

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### It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

### One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

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### The human male ejaculate contains about 1500TB of information

Thats why I masturbate before an exam. I need to free up space.

profanity
profanity
profanity
profanity

Unquestionably.

### Old woman on her deathbed

An old woman lays dying in the hospital after a long illness as her husband sits beside her. She says, "Darling, I want you to go home and look in my closet and pull down the box on the top shelf. I've been keeping a secret all these years."

The man goes home, pulls down the box and finds tha...

### Space isn’t as empty as we think. It actually contains everything in the universe.

Except a girlfriend for me apparently.

### This compressed file contains a dirty joke.

Sigh *unzips*

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### A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie...

... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I w...

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### A man is attending a posh party and meets a beautiful woman

“Carmen” she says
“Beautiful name”
“Thanks, it contains the two things I like the most: cars and men”
“Fascinating!”
“B. J. Boobsandgolf”

### Beer contains female hormones

Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

(A) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Estrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

(B) To test...

Aliens invade the planet and take every living being prisoner and contains them in a facilty. The aliens then set up machines here and there which are similar to vending machines but they dispense any animal/human/living thing which they keep as pets. The living being requested is random so it's a f...

### A man's hand contains 27 bones.

Loneliness causes 28

### I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

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### Did you know that beer contains female hormones?

It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.

All apologies to the fairer sex.

### What do mermaids smoke when they want to get high?

Sea weed.

Why do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Because it contains the active ingredient THSea.

How do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Water bongs.