A linguistic philosopher made the claim that there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative during a lecture.

To which someone responded, "Yeah, yeah."

My friend's dad just died and his last words were "Be positive"

We could have saved him if we knew his blood type

Positive Corona cases are way down in Texas over the last few days...

It requires power to perform the test.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What will you get if a HIV positive person fucks your ear?

Hearing aids.

What do you call a lying robot with a positive outlook?

Optimist prime the deception-con

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day...”

My crush told me that I'm pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.

As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term.

His Covid19 test result.

My friend has tested positive for Covid.

She said that she caught it off of her Cat.


Don't ask "Meow."

Alzheimer's has a positive side too

Every day you get to meet new people.

Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China

I hope they've put it straight into iceolation

Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19.

Looks like RBG won her first case before God.

After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"

"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"

Chuck Norris tested positive for coronavirus

The virus is now on a ventilator.

Finally i got some positive news this year.

My STD test results are back.

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
and the fake orgasm, the fa...

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Absolutely NO FUCKING WAY Trump's really COVID positive.

You can't get sick from a hoax.

You know what they call it when you get a positive covid result?

M-m-m-my Sure-Rona!

Be Positive

My grandfather died when we couldn't remember his blood type. While dying, he kept saying to us 'be positive'. But the situation was so difficult

Trump tests positive for COVID-19.

He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.

Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19

when all he had to do was to not get tested.

>!Man. Woman. TV. Coronavirus.!<

Kellyanne Conway did not test positive for Covid-19

She tested alternative-negative

For the first time in my life, I got positive feedback on my exams

Too bad it was from the STI Clinic

The positive and negative

There was once a surprise meeting between the +ve and the -ve sign

The positive + sign was really intrigued and said well I am better than you since I add something of value .What are you here for it asked the -ve sign

The - sign said I am.here to make a difference!

I was having trouble sleeping, so my HIV positive friend gave me a sleeping pill

And now I have sleep aids

Ive been very depressed because of lack of sleep so i asked the doctor about the positives and the negatives of sleeping medication. He said that they can be a great tool for sleeping but if you take too much you'll die.

I said okay. Now what are the negatives?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn movies are positive movies:

No murder,
No war,
No fight,
No conspiracy,
No cheating,
No racism,
No religious fanatics,
No language problem,
No crying or teasing,
Good cooperation,
Good coordination,
Natural acting,
Everybody enjoys the climax,
Lots of love,
...

Donald Trump's COVID test was the first thing he got a positive score on

And even then, he didn't understand the material

Donald Trump and his wife Melania have tested positive for coronavirus.

I didn’t realise they were that close!

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

How come the media never says anything positive about trump?

Until today there was nothing to report.

So Boris Johnson has tested positive for COVID-19...

Anyone else concerned with how quickly the virus has jumped from human to politician?

A blonde takes a pregnancy test and it comes out positive...

After telling her boyfriend she cries 'How are we going to afford so many babies?'

He says 'It couldn't tell you that, how many did it say we're having?'

'98.6!'

I was kicked out of the COVID ward...

because I told them to stay positive.

What’s one thing that turned out positive in 2020? I’ll go first:

My COVID test.

With all these Politicians testing Positive for COVID-19...

It looks like Trump kept his promise to drain the swamp.

I was shocked to see on the news that Melania tested positive for COVID aswell

She has been socially distancing from the president since their honeymoon.

The President of the United States Donald Trump and First Lady Melania have tested positive for the coronavirus

This is also probably the first and only time ever that Melania has been or will ever be positive around Trump

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If your boss tests positive for the Coronavirus...

Does that mean all the ass kissers in the office have to get tested as well?

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

So I asked my friend to hangout and he said, “Can’t, I tested positive for COVID-19, but do you have any deer ticks?

...because I could really go for a Corona and Lyme right now”

I went to the doctors yesterday. After my checkup I told them I was just trying to stay positive.

I don't know why they looked so concerned.

The entire Trump family, except for Maryanne Trump Barry, has tested positive for Covid-19!

Hmmm, maybe the Aunty Maskers are onto something...

Trump has tested positive for covid 19

If he injects himself with bleach, then he will have a taste of his own medicine.

Sending Positive Thoughts...

... is apparently the wrong card to get someone awaiting HIV test results.

I am broke. My boss fired me today. My wife left me today. About to be homeless. But not everything is negative.

I am covid positive

What should Quentin Tarantino do if he's tested positive for coronavirus?

Tent-in Quarantino.

Double Positives

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a nega...

I’m scared because a neighbor tested positive

I might be the dad

I was a bit depressed so I surrounded myself with positive people

Now I am at the hospital.

What do you call a toy that puts you in a better mood?

A positive vibe

My girlfriend got the coronavirus so I broke up with her. 2 weeks later, she’s seeing a new guy now and apparently he just tested positive. Be careful out there everyone, I guess what they say is true.

Ex gon give it to ya

I have always thought of myself as a positive person.

Now thanks to COVID-19 I have proof!

My fortune cookie said that something positive would happen to me this week and it finally happened!!!

Guys do you know what this coronavirus thing is?

"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron

.”The other says, “Are you sure?”

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought my friend four pregnancy tests and they all came out positive, and now she crying, she asked me..

“How the fuck am I going to feed four kids”

Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID?

It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Positive attitude

Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight ...

Jake: I think I might be HIV positive

Paul: Omg I'm so sorry. How did you find out?

Jake: Well, I had accidentally come in someone's ear once, years ago. I saw her again yesterday

Paul: And..?

Jake: She has hearing AIDS now!

R.Kelly has tested positive..

for SHEWASNT-19

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