I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean?

Also, my IQ test came back positive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who only has sex with people who test positive for COVID-19?

A sick fucker.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type

As he died, he kept insisting “be positive”, but it’s hard without him.

The math professor explained "two negatives becomes a positive, but two positives cannot become a negative"

A student rolled his eyes and said  "Yeah, yeah"

I can't blame them for disqualifying Sha’Carri Richardson after she tested positive for marijuana.

It's definitely a performance enhancing drug. I smoke weed and can run a 3-day mile.

English Professor: "While two negatives can mean a positive, in the English language there are no two positives that connote a negative."

From back of class: "Yea. Right!"

Someone once left a positive review at the DMV

The manager saw it and immediately fired everyone

A linguistic philosopher made the claim that there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative during a lecture.

To which someone responded, "Yeah, yeah."

What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their first date?

*"We have potential."*

What did the Battery say on his Blind Date?

I have a lot of energy and I am a pretty positive guy. But I do have a negative side.

My friend's dad just died and his last words were "Be positive"

We could have saved him if we knew his blood type

My Horse tested positive for CV-19

He's in a Stable condition...

You are like quadrant 3

There’s nothing positive about you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that there was 4 types of orgasms?

There’s the positive orgasm, negative orgasm, holy orgasm and the fake orgasm

The positive orgasm goes “Oh yes, ohh yess”,
the negative orgasm goes “Oh no, Ohh nooo”,
the holy orgasm goes “Oh God, ohh Godd”,
The fake orgasm goes “Oh •insert friends name•, ohh •insert friends name•...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What will you get if a HIV positive person fucks your ear?

Hearing aids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've tested positive

for needing a fucking vacation

I took an IQ test and just got the results…

It came back positive which is great news, other bit of good news for all you guys:
I got 15/180 on my HIV test

Positive Corona cases are way down in Texas over the last few days...

It requires power to perform the test.

What do you call a lying robot with a positive outlook?

Optimist prime the deception-con

My crush told me that I'm pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day...”

Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19

when all he had to do was to not get tested.

>!Man. Woman. TV. Coronavirus.!<

Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19.

Looks like RBG won her first case before God.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An African, an American and an Asian guy get captured by tribals in a jungle.

The tribal chief tells them, “We will only let you go alive if the combined length of your penises adds up to 20 inches.”

The African steps up to the plate, whips out his genitalia and comes out at an impressive 14 inches.

The American goes next. He unzips his pants, sticks it out and...

Positivity

I was sent on a positive mindset training course today. It was good but the room was half empty...

Trump tests positive for COVID-19.

He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.

As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term.

His Covid19 test result.

So Boris Johnson has tested positive for COVID-19...

Anyone else concerned with how quickly the virus has jumped from human to politician?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Absolutely NO FUCKING WAY Trump's really COVID positive.

You can't get sick from a hoax.

I got kicked out of a hospital after saying to a Covid-19 patient..

Stay positive

Alzheimer's has a positive side too

Every day you get to meet new people.

Chuck Norris tested positive for coronavirus

The virus is now on a ventilator.

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

My friend has tested positive for Covid.

She said that she caught it off of her Cat.


Don't ask "Meow."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck book of manners.....

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.


2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.


3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.


4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.


5. Even if you're ...

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China

I hope they've put it straight into iceolation

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"

"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"

Ive been very depressed because of lack of sleep so i asked the doctor about the positives and the negatives of sleeping medication. He said that they can be a great tool for sleeping but if you take too much you'll die.

I said okay. Now what are the negatives?

Two atoms were walking down the street when they collided.

The first one exclaims, "I've lost an electron!"

The second one asks, "Are you sure?"

The first one replies, "I'm positive!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

The positive and negative

There was once a surprise meeting between the +ve and the -ve sign

The positive + sign was really intrigued and said well I am better than you since I add something of value .What are you here for it asked the -ve sign

The - sign said I am.here to make a difference!

I was a bit depressed so I surrounded myself with positive people

Now I am at the hospital.

How come the media never says anything positive about trump?

Until today there was nothing to report.

With all these Politicians testing Positive for COVID-19...

It looks like Trump kept his promise to drain the swamp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why has Trump never tested positive for COVID-19?

Because the swab always comes out covered in bullshit.

COVID-19 plagues a rural country town in the States.

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<...

Donald Trump's COVID test was the first thing he got a positive score on

And even then, he didn't understand the material

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