Why did the sperm cross the road? (NSFW)

Cause I put on the wrong sock this morning.

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man expla...

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What does sperm say...

During pregnant sex? Oh baby!

During oral sex? Oh spit!

During sex with a condom? Oh dam!

During anal sex? Oh shit!

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.

A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

Have you heard about the woman who got pregnant from a sperm donor without telling her partner?

It was a master bait & switch.

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TIL of a knight who is as tiny as a sperm

Sir Cum Sized

Man drank a glass of milk at the sperm bank

Man: thank you for that glass of milk earlier

Sperm bank employee: what glass of milk

Man: the glass of milk that was sitting on your desk

Sperm bank employee: oh my god

Man: what

Sperm bank employee: you drank my glass of milk

Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently they were mad at me for saying “Get a load of this guy” every time someone walked in.

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Guy walks into a Sperm Bank.

He has his pistol drawn and a brown paper bag over his head as a mask.

The lady behind the counter jumps from her chair with her hands in the air and says, “Sir, this is not that kind of a bank!”

The man shouts, “Shut up Bitch! I know where I am at! Now open that refrigerator!”
<...

What do sperms and lawyers have in common?

1 in 50,000,000 have a chance of becoming a human being

I'm going to start a sperm bank

and I'm going to call it get a load of this guy

Why are sperm donations worth more than blood donations?

Because they’re made by hand

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A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

The director of the sperm bank summoned the blonde receptionist.

\-It's nice that you're polite to people who drop by here, he began, -but when they're on their way out again, I think you should say something other than, -"Thank you for coming!"-

So I went to the sperm bank the other day with a full condom...

The doctor said ,"get a load of this guy".

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After running a test, my doctor has informed me I have incredibly healthy sperm.

Hardly surprising though, I only ever masturbate into sports socks.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Politicians are like sperm

Only one in a million turn out to be a human being.

What did the man say when he was getting kicked out of the sperm bank

That’s the last time I’m coming in here

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I was shocked to learn that a famous male pornstar had received $1,000,000 for his sperm. But, you know what they say

Sex cells.

What did the sperm say to the IUD

Your never going to get me copper

Plastic bags are like sperm.

Billions are made each day, but only a few make it to the sea and strangle a turtle.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

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A man walks in a sperm bank with a gun.

A man walks into a sperm bank with the gun, and orders the lady at the desk to open the safe. Startled, she tells him "sir this is a sperm bank, there is no money in here." Annoyed, he then tells her "I told you to open the damn safe!"

She opens it and gets a vial of sperm out. "Now drink it...

When you were the fastest sperm

but now you're slow af.

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Why is it always crowded in a sperm bank?

Because people are paid to come.
Why'd you think sperm donations are really expensive, because they're handmade
But Its hardwork tho, it takes alo of balls to do it, whatever you thing you on regular that's nutting.

A man walks into a sperm bank cracking jokes with his buddy.

One of the employees says, “Get a load of this guy.”

What did one sperm say to the other?

I have no conception of what I'm supposed to be doing.

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I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could masturbate in the cup...

I told her i'm pretty good but I don't think i'm ready to compete in a tournament yet.

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

What’s the difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank?

After you make a deposit at the sperm bank, you lose interest.

NSFW How do you know when you have a high sperm count?

The girl has to chew.

Why did the sperm cross the road this morning ?

Cuz I forgot to wear a condom 8 years ago

What's common between a sperm bank and a coffee shop?

you can get a Cup o' Joe at both places.

What do you call a really old computer with sperm on it?

A *cum*modore 64!

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

What do a sperm bank and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both tell you to beat it.

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The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating.

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

What did one sperm say to the other sperm?

How far to the uterus?

Uterus hell, we have to get past the esophagus first!

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The reason sex with a vampire doesn't usually result in pregnancy isn't because the sperm is dead.

It's because the vampire can't come inside without an invitation.

What did the sperm think about his chances of becoming a baby?

He thought it was inconceivable.

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?

Just ring up and say you can't cum!

I just found out you can get paid for donating sperm!

All that money that's just slipped through my fingers.

"When I donate blood, I don't extract it myself..."

"... the nurse does it for me."

"I understand stand sir, but this is a sperm bank, it doesn't work that way here."

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Man goes up the reception desk of the sperm donation clinic. ......

After filling in some paperwork the young female receptionist says "I'd like you to masturbate in the cup."

The man replies "Sorry, this is my first visit and I don't think that I'm ready for competition just yet."

Two sperm are swimming along. One looks at the other and asks, "Are we there yet?"

The other replies, "We still got a ways to go. We barely just passed the tonsils"

I wanted to open a Sperm Donor Clinic

But the name Jack in the Box was already in use

Why are sperm banks more expensive than blood banks?

Cuz they're handmade

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow

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What’s a black man’s sperm called?

Coconut

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Went to a sperm clinic earlier

The lady asked if i’de like to masterbate in the cup?
#
I said, “I’m good but not ready for competition yet”

Two sperm cells

Two sperm cells are swimming together.

One asks the other: "hey, did you just fart"?

"No", the other replies.

"Then I guess the idiot came in the wrong hole."

Why does it take 250,000 sperm but only one egg to make a baby?

Because they just refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Why didn't the sperm donor have any free time?

Because he had loads to do.

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A masked man enters a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the woman behind the desk. Shivering in fear she says, "take anything you want!"

"Open that cup of semen."

The woman looks over at a tray of recent sperm samples with a disgusted look on her face.

He yells, "Do it!"

Shivering in fear she grabs the co...

Sperm banks have difficulties finding donors.

TBH, there is zero interest.

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

---

Two sperm are swimming along, searching for an egg to fertilize

The first sperm says, “are we almost there? I don’t know how much longer I can do this!”

The second sperm responds, “keep going buddy, you can do it. We just passed the tonsils!”

My doctor said he needed a blood sample, a urine sample, and a sperm sample. . .

So I left my underwear there.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

A sperm talks to another sperm and says

„One day I will become a film star“ the other says „I will become a businessman“. Then a bread crumb passes by and says „forget it guys, we‘re in the stomach“

An Old Man Goes to the Doctor

He brings his wife with him, and when the doctor asks why she's in the exam room too the wife replies that her husband is hard of hearing and she is there to help him understand.


The doctor says "Alright, sir. Please get on the scale." The man looks at his wife and she shouts "HE WANTS TO...

Sperm bank

The receptionist at the sperm bank was wondering why I'd brought my spice rack. I told her I was there to drop off the cumin jar.

A kid asked his mom “Mom, what’s sperm?”

The mom then think for a while and respond :
“It’s baby when they are not born yet.”

The kid’s birthday came and when he was about to blow out the candle, he yelled :

“I wish mom had more sperm in her belly.”

Why are sperm banks always so crowded?

People are paid to come inside.

A woman works in a sperm bank. She is taking a bottle of specimen when a man wearing a ski mask and a gun suddenly bursts into the room.

The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. The woman is both scared and shocked. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says:
'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

"Would you be interested in contributing to our Sperm Foundation Fund?"

No thanks, I gave at the office.

A reminder to all people with allergies at this time of year

Technically pollen is plant sperm.

So you don't have allergies you have an STD you got from a plant.

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Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

What do you call a child, made from three different men’s sperm?

A nut mix.

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

Guy goes to a doctor and says I'm really sick, don't know what's wrong with me. Doctor says wow, I don't know what this is - so I will need a stool sample, a urine specimen, and and sperm sample.

Guy says, Doc I'm kind of in a hurry. Can I just leave you my shorts?

if you are having trouble getting someone pregnant, getting your sperm count tested is quick and easy.

But it’ll cost a load.

What’s the similarity between a lawyer and sperm?

1 in 300 million have a chance to become a human being.

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A masked gunman storms into a sperm bank.

He runs up to the counter, pointing his shotgun at the receptionist there, and shouts, "This is a stick-up!"

The receptionist raises her hands and says, "But sir, I don't think you understand. This isn't a regular bank, this is a sperm bank."

He says, "Don't tell me what I don't unders...

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So it was regular day at the sperm bank...

... when this guy wearing a ski mask barges in with a gun and screams:

"EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND NOW!"

The people do as he says and then the guy turns to the receptionist and points the gun at her. She tries to negotiate with him.

"Please just take the money and leave! You don't ...

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