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An elderly man went into his doctor office for his yearly physical when his doctor handed him a jar and asked him for a sperm sample.

The doctor gave the man his jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow so we can get a sperm count."

The next day the 89-year-old man walked into the doctor's office and gave him the jar. However the jar was as spotless and empty as it was when the doctor gave ...

Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently they were mad at me for saying “Get a load of this guy” every time someone walked in.

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?

Just ring up and say you can't cum!

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

What does the receptionist working at a sperm bank say when they pick up calls?

Hi, local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it, how can I help you?

Why are sperm donations more expensive than blood donations?

They are hand made

Why are sperm banks more expensive than blood banks?

Cuz they're handmade

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg?

Because they won’t stop to ask for directions.

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I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup...

I told her I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete in a tournament yet.

What did one sperm say to the other sperm?

How far to the uterus?

Uterus hell, we have to get past the esophagus first!

(NSFW) What do you say when someone enters the sperm bank?

Get a load of this guy.

Similarly, what do you say when someone leaves the sperm bank?
Thanks for coming.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning

I spent years trying to find investors to fund the building of my sperm bank.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to round up any seed money.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows

What did the man say when he was getting kicked out of the sperm bank

That’s the last time I’m coming in here

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Caesar walked into a bar

He came, he saw, he conquered

Politicians are like sperm

Only one in a million turn out to be a human being.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

I asked a guy on the bus where the sperm bank was.

He said I can get off at the next stop.

"Would you be interested in contributing to our Sperm Foundation Fund?"

No thanks, I gave at the office.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in fifty-million has a chance at becoming a human being.

A kid asked his mom “Mom, what’s sperm?”

The mom then think for a while and respond :
“It’s baby when they are not born yet.”

The kid’s birthday came and when he was about to blow out the candle, he yelled :

“I wish mom had more sperm in her belly.”

I walk to the sperm bank reception and say: "here it is" as I hand the sample to the receptionist

She responds with "thank you for coming"

Why are sperm banks always so crowded?

People are paid to come inside.

A woman works in a sperm bank. She is taking a bottle of specimen when a man wearing a ski mask and a gun suddenly bursts into the room.

The gunman points the gun at her, and tells her to drink the specimen. The woman is both scared and shocked. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and swallows the liquid. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself to be her husband, and says:
'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?'

Two sperms are swimming along

Two sperms are swimming along when one sperm asked the other how much further until the uterus? The other sperm says we are still in the esophagus.

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An 80-Years old man goes for a Penis Checkup...

After a brief evaluation of his penis the doctor says,

Doctor: Eveything looks fine, but for a complete analysis, we need your sperm(semen) sample too.

He gives him a small glass bottle.

Doctor: Bring this back tomorrow and then we'll proceed further.

Next day the old man...

MEN - if you are having trouble getting someone pregnant, getting your sperm count tested is quick and easy.

But it’ll cost a load.

I work at an oppressed sperm bank

But through all odds, we will overcome.

What do you call a child, made from three different men’s sperm?

A nut mix.

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The human sperm cell contains around 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25 ml and takes 5 seconds. Therefore the average bandwidth of the human penis is about 1687 TB/s

I know, I know that’s a lot of information to swallow.

What’s the similarity between a lawyer and sperm?

1 in 300 million have a chance to become a human being.

"Thank you for the glass of milk earlier", I said to the sperm bank employee.

"What glass of milk?", he replied.

Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk.

"Oh my god!"

Me: What?

"That was my glass of milk."

Why didn't the sperm donor have any free time?

Because he had loads to do.

I arrived at the sperm bank, but there's nobody here

I think I came too early

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A masked man enters a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the woman behind the desk. Shivering in fear she says, "take anything you want!"

"Open that cup of semen."

The woman looks over at a tray of recent sperm samples with a disgusted look on her face.

He yells, "Do it!"

Shivering in fear she grabs the co...

A man walks into a sperm bank with a jar in his hand

"What are you here for today, sir?" the front desk woman asks.

The man explains, "So I was here a couple of days ago and I was asked to bring a sample of my sperm. So I got home and I used both my left hand and right hand. Nothing. I asked my wife for help. She used her left hand and then her...

Years ago a sperm who won a race

is depressed now.

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So it was regular day at the sperm bank...

... when this guy wearing a ski mask barges in with a gun and screams:

"EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND NOW!"

The people do as he says and then the guy turns to the receptionist and points the gun at her. She tries to negotiate with him.

"Please just take the money and leave! You don't ...

Guy goes to a doctor and says I'm really sick, don't know what's wrong with me. Doctor says wow, I don't know what this is - so I will need a stool sample, a urine specimen, and and sperm sample.

Guy says, Doc I'm kind of in a hurry. Can I just leave you my shorts?

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

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Wrong bank

A man walks into a sperm bank with a ski mask and a .45 pointed at the woman behind the counter."Open the safe " .The woman pleads "Sir is not that kind of Bank". "Open the safe and remove the contents" . She removed a test tube tray full of sperm samples. The man puts the gun in the woman's face an...

“Wi-Fi laptops can damage your sperm”.

In my experience, not as much as sperm can damage your Wi-Fi laptop.

What do you call sperm's cells race?

Survival of the fetus

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A masked gunman storms into a sperm bank.

He runs up to the counter, pointing his shotgun at the receptionist there, and shouts, "This is a stick-up!"

The receptionist raises her hands and says, "But sir, I don't think you understand. This isn't a regular bank, this is a sperm bank."

He says, "Don't tell me what I don't unders...

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I went to the sperm bank today

I have a fetish for any sperm donated by a man called Ben, so I set off to find some.

The only sample I could find that matched my needs cost an extortionate 1 grand.

I guess that's just the price for Benedict's Cum Per Batch

A man walks into a sperm bank.

When he walks in, the receptionist thought he recognized the man, so he asks:

"Hey, you come here often?"

What’s another name for a sperm bank donor?

A cummunist.

How do you think burning sperm would smell like?

Genocide

Called my local sperm bank clinic to know what's the best time to pay them a visit.

They said, “Whenever you feel like coming.”

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."


The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."


Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."


The fourth insurance company re...

MBBS Professor: The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of. [nsfw]

A Girl raised her hand: "Then why doesn't it taste like Sugar?"

Whole class went silent.

Girl: “Oops”

Professor : “My dear, that might be because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your throat”

A man walks into a clinic for the first time. The nurse tells him to fill the cup to this line at least. The man replies "Everytime I give blood I never extract it myself the nurse always does it"

Nurse- "I understand but sir this is a sperm bank"

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[NSFW]The legend of the King sperm

So one day, all the sperm in a guy’s nuts were having a meeting.

“We always wait for our moment to shine, our shot to glory land, to do our mission, but we get stopped by the latex barrier! We never get to fulfill our duty!”

Thousands of sperm moaned and complained.

“But today...

Two robbers are robbing a bank

When they open the first vault, they find a cup of milk.


One of them says: "Weird, why would you put a cup of milk in a vault?"


When they open the second vault, they find another cup of milk.


And so on, untill they have opened all the vaults.


Robber 1: "Ma...

Donating sperm is more lucrative than donating blood...

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the ...

I decided to chat up the person next to me at the sperm bank yesterday.

I said, "Do you come here often?"

Where do sperm play football?

Con-dome

I went to the doctor for a complete physical

He asked for a urine, blood, stool and a sperm sample. So I gave him my underware......and a sock

Two sperm meet

Two sperm meet, says one:

"I'm going to be a boy."



The other answers:

"I'm going to be a girl!"



Suddenly a breadcrumb screams:

"You become nothing at all, you are in the esophagus!!!!!!!!"

My job at the front desk of a sperm bank only lasted one day.

I kept telling everyone "thank you so much for coming."

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A small sperm whale and his dad are swimming through the ocean

He asks his dad where he came from and the dad responds, "my penis, of course!" The son, disgusted, "that's gross! Thanks a lot dad." And the dad says, "you're whale cum!"

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I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

If sperm is good for your skin and makes you look younger?

Then how come my hands both look the same age

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