Sperm Jokes - 53 Hilarious Sperm Jokes

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

Why are sperm donations more expensive than blood donations?

They are hand made

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

I got fired from a sperm bank...

Every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man expla...

What does the receptionist at the sperm bank says when donors are leaving?

Thank you for coming!

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

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I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could in the cup...

I told her i'm pretty good but I don't think i'm ready to compete in a tournament yet.

A job at a sperm bank may be a low income job

But you’ll never be low incum

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

The sperm bank in my town offers initial consultations over Zoom.

But for follow-up appointments you have to come in person.

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

Yesterday, scientists discovered a species of lizard whose sperm is invisible.

They never saw it coming.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?

Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

'' What do you call sperm that is stored at a bank?

A blast from the past.

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

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I was in an unfortunate accident and my sperm became electrified

Came as a shock to my girlfriend

One sperm said to the other sperm:

"Man, this is a long journey! How far to the uterus?"

"I don't know, but we've got a ways to go. So far we've only made it to the esophagus."

The sperm bank I visited yesterday had it's own food court.

Unfortunately, it was just a Jack In The Box.

I wanted to become a professional sperm donor

I already had my slogan ready: "Wait till you get a load of this guy!"

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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen overseas.

The first sperm

The first sperm that reaches the egg is an ova achiever.

Two Londoners went to the sperm bank.

A total waste of time. One of them came on the bus, the other one missed the tube!

Politicians are like sperm

Only one in a million turn out to be a human being.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

**Edit:** Did not expect this joke to take off. Made it to the front page for a little while.

**Edit 2:** Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

A sperm asked another sperm what it wants to be when it grows up..

The other sperm answered: I will become.

What's a sperm bank's distribution policy?

First come, first served?

What’s the difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank?

After you make a deposit at the sperm bank, you lose interest.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in fifty-million has a chance at becoming a human being.

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Pollen is actually plant sperm

So that means allergies are Transmitted Diseases.

Your welcome.

Politicians are like sperm..

one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.

What was the high-IQ sperm bank called?

Crème de la Crème

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Some people think sperm just magically travels to the when in reality there's a whole duct to transport them...

It might not seem like it, but there's a vas deferens between the two.

Did you know you can donate sperm by post?

When I found out, I came in a jiffy.

My friend is trying to get pregnant by way of a sperm donor.

She's not having much luck, but I'm pulling for her.

Dave was going to donate my sperm

So Dave went to the center one day.

The nurse gave Dave jar to store it.

After some time Dave went back to the nurse with an empty jar.

The nurse asked Dave why it was empty.

Dave said "I couldn't do it myself, I tried one hand, then two, but it did not work".

T...

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

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Sperm and egg sales are experiencing a boom right now

I guess cells

Politicians are like sperm

only 1 in a million turn out to be human

TIL sperm donors are paid $50 per donation.

It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.

Did you see the update to the sperm whale Wikipedia page?

[Cetacean needed]

I work at a sperm bank

I make sure to tell everyone’s thanks for coming today!

A woman is working at a sperm bank

A man in a ski mask comes in, puts a cup on the desk and a gun to her head and says

“drink this sample or I’ll blow your brains out”

She goes, “no, I can’t, I can’t”

He says “drink it or I’ll blow your brains out”

She drinks it.

He takes off the mask. It’s her husb...

Sperm whales

Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

Did you hear about the fisherman who uses sperm to catch fish?

He calls it his master bait!

Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.”

Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

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where do sperm go when they die?

The sementary

Sperm...

Is just life in a nutshell

I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

A sperm talks to another sperm and says

„One day I will become a film star“ the other says „I will become a businessman“. Then a bread crumb passes by and says „forget it guys, we‘re in the stomach“

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Whales have pretty names, Sperm whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

Sperm donor

I think an appropriate song in the waiting area of the sperm donor office would be “if I could put time in a bottle”

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