I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.

Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

What do you call a gamer who works at a abortion clinic?

Spawn camper

What is a good slogan for an abortion clinic?

Don’t kid yourself

Soon, the only way to abort a kid in the US...

... will be to wait for him to go to school and get gunned down.

The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier...

"Currently we got a 24 month wait list"

I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...

Does the image come with reproduction rights?

I locked myself out of my car next to an abortion clinic...

It was really awkward asking them for a hanger

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.



Which, incidentally, is also why most Afghanistan jokes are falling flat.

But also because everyone knows the Dems are pro-choice, they didn't have to abort a whole country just to prove it.



I think I'm startin...

Anti-abortion campaigners be like....

"You cannot defeat us!!"

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday

So I was rewatching old seasons of spongebob and found this joke

Spongebob: *changes his shape to look like Texas*

Also Spongebob: “hey Patrick what do I look like”

Patrick: “stupid”

Spongebob: “no I’m Texas”

Patrick: “what’s the difference”

*both laugh*
(I thought this might be relevant considering the mess in Texas right no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can a black man change a republican politician's views on abortion?

Get his wife pregnant

I still don't know how i feel about abortion

On the one hand, I am in favor, since this is the murder of children.
On the other hand, I am against it, because it gives women the right to choose.

What happens when you abort an abortion?

Me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the democrats: Abortion: Yes, and guns: No

For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. All life is sacred


Unless it enters my fucking property
*loads shotgun*

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW DARK JOKE: Never eat out a woman who had an abortion.

That shit is haunted.

If abortion is such a mature subject,

why does it bring out people's inner child?

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.

How to abort a new born child?

Simple! Become an anti vax parent.

Abort a baby at 1 month, nobody cares.

Abort it at 24 months, suddenly you're a monster.

What do you call an abortion in the Czech Republic?

.. a cancelled check ..

What are your views on abortion?

Me: It really brings out the kid in you.

Abortion isn't murder

It's cancelling a pre-order

My mother tried to abort me

But I was still born

What’s the difference between an abortion and a belly flop off the high dive?

The price

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes

because there is no delivery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Updating a classic for modern times [long]

When the news of covid hit Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me."


Well when lock downs started Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me". And she continued to see her friends, and be rude to restaurant staff when she got take out and show up to places tha...

My gf asked me if u knew what an abortion is

And I said no baby

Abortion is like a double edged sword for me

I like the ides of killing babies but I don't like the idea of giving women a choice

What do get when you cross an Imperial cruiser with an abortion clinic?

A Stork Destroyer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The easiest abortion I've ever performed was on a stripper.

It was like taking a baby from Candy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] "My wife is such a hypocrite, she is dead against abortion" said husband

Friend: "So why hypocrite?"
Husband: "It's a totally different fucking story when she found out my girlfriend was pregnant!"

Abortions are for....

Abortions are for the anti-vaxxer who don't waste time.

My opinion on abortion is kinda complicated.

I'm all for killing children, but I cant stand giving women rights.

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

If a veterinarian says a pregnant cow needs to have an abortion...

Does that mean he's ordering a de-calf?

My wife didn’t want to get an abortion but I did

So we met in the middle and sent him to school in America

I wrote a joke about abortion...

But i decided not to keep it

[NSFW] What did they name the new abortion clinic?

Ctrl+Z

The best thing about being an abortion doctor

You don't have to buy dog food

My entire family urged me to get an abortion but my grandparents supported my decision.

They are great grandparents.

President Trump was told about the new abortion bill.

Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff:
“I thought I paid that bill already.”

My wife is pregnant, but I want her to have an abortion

That way, she'll finally be the one who gets the life sucked out of her

A pro life advocate asked me how I’d feel if I was aborted

I wouldn’t.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A time traveler goes back in time to force Hitler’s mom to have an abortion.

It was a miscarriage of justice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A veterinary student is taking an important exam, and it's come to such a point that him passing or not passing depends on the last question.

The question is "How to perform an abortion in a domestic goat?".

Unfortunately, the student doesn't know the answer and fails the exam. Afterwards he goes to a bar to drown his sorrows.

When he comes there, the bartender asks him:

- You seem to have something on your mind. How...

What do you call a woman who recently had an abortion?

Pregnain't

My girlfriend told me she wanted to get an abortion, and asked me to give her $50 to help pay for it.

About an hour later, she came back home with a copy of Warcraft 3: Reforged.

I always get really hung up on the topic of abortion...

Like, on the one hand I love the idea of killing babies, but on the other hand I hate women having rights!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After the abortion ban in Alabama yesterday, my girlfriend is too scared to even have sex with me

Too bad my other sister isn't helping out either.

What is it called when you screw a girl that's had 10 abortions.

A graveyard smash.

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

A congressional aide asks the politician, “What should we do about this abortion bill?”

Politician: Shh. Just pay it.

Abortion is now illegal

So... I guess I’m an antivax parent

Why is working at the abortion clinic so much fun?

They bring out the kid in you.

Why are Catholics so anti abortion?

So they have a good supply of young children in their foster homes for the priests.

I asked my GF, "Why do abortion jokes made you laugh so much?"

She said, "because they bring out the kid in me."

What do you call a motel abortion?

An early checkout...

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

My moms sister is Anti-abortion

It’s a bit of a cruel nickname but she has had 5 of them.

What did one twin say to the other after surviving a failed abortion.

They will never de-fetus.

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign

..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

What do abortions and Digiorno have in common?

They're not delivery, but they taste OK.

What do you call a Spanish abortion?

Adios embrios

Doctors in china don't ask if you want an abortion

They just ask if you want takeout or delivery

My parents tried to get me aborted

But the doctor said 18 years was too late

A researcher conducted a study on the thoughts and feelings of women after having an abortion.

The findings were not a parent.

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping

I'm going to do an abortion joke but if you don't like it,

I'll get rid of it and we'll pretend like it never happened.

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba

What do an eraser company and an abortion clinic have in common?

They both make money on your mistakes.

My mom's pro choice. Her sister is anti-abortion

It's a terrible nickname, but she's had four.

Most anti-abortion people aren't pro-life

Don't believe me? Just look at how they treat the living.

Stop writing hateful things about Alabama and the abortion laws all over social media.

They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person.

A pregnant lady locks her keys inside her car by an abortion clinic.

Imagine the look on the receptionists face when the pregnant lady asks her for a coat hanger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people think the Alabama abortion law is too strict...

On the bright side, it's a great way to encourage men to practice safe sex when they fuck their daughters.

Edit : one word

What's the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

My wife and I are considering having an abortion

How do we tell the surrogate?

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