Abort Jokes - 76 Hilarious Abort Jokes

Soon, the only way to abort a kid in the US...

... will be to wait for him to go to school and get gunned down.

If a pro lifer asks "What if Mary aborted Jesus"?

Replying "it would have sped things along" isn't the answer they were looking for.

What is the best name for an abortion clinic?

Don’t Kid Yourself.

What did all the abortion doctors do after abortion was banned?

They went to plan b.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

Guys, abortion may be illegal soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she’s an anti-vaxxer.

Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you’ll only have to pay for 3.

Abortions are so fun

It really brings out the kid in you

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because he wasn't born yesterday

ABORTION BILL

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.

Because there is no delivery.

I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.

Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The easiest abortion I've ever performed was on a stripper.

It was like taking a baby from Candy.

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?

Decaffeinated

(A new addition) What's the difference between an American and a computer?

A computer has troubleshooting.

Also,

it can abort.

If abortion is such a mature subject,

why does it bring out people's inner child?

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia?

A cancelled check.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If abortion is murder

Is jerking off genocide?

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign

..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

Do you know what happened to the UPS driver who had an abortion?

She didn’t deliver.

Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill?

Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.

I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

What happens when you abort an abortion?

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

How to abort a new born child?

Simple! Become an anti vax parent.

My mother tried to abort me

But I was still born

If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave....

The right to abortion would be the first amendment.

My wife didn’t want to get an abortion but I did

So we met in the middle and sent him to school in America

I was going to make a joke on abortion...

But I just couldn't deliver

How do you call an abortion in Spanish?

Adios embrios

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a pregnant woman in Texas get a legal abortion?

Trespass.

What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?

Cancelled Czechs.

I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic...

How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?

Instead of calling it an abortion, they should call it a Digiorno.....

it's Not delivery, it's Digiorno

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

I wrote a joke about abortion...

But i decided not to keep it

President Trump was told about the new abortion bill.

Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff:
“I thought I paid that bill already.”

I just realized why all my abortion jokes bomb...

...because they never deliver.

*ba dum pish*

As opposed to dead baby jokes, which never get old.

Anti-abortion campaigners be like....

"You cannot defeat us!!"

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba

I asked my GF, "Why do abortion jokes made you laugh so much?"

She said, "because they bring out the kid in me."

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.

I'm going to start an abortion clinic...

...called "Don't Kid Yourself."

I just figured out why USA is about to ban abortion (dark)

That's to have more targets for their school shootings

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can a black man change a republican politician's views on abortion?

Get his wife pregnant

The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier...

"Currently we got a 24 month wait list"

My wife said I should stop making stupid puns and take her abortion more seriously.

I won't let this d-fetus.

Abortions are for....

Abortions are for the anti-vaxxer who don't waste time.

Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?

The Terminator.

It turns out I was guilty of a major misconception with this whole abortion thing

I thought "Row vs Wade" was a decision shipwreck survivors had to make

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

What do gamers call an abortion?

A spawn kill.

Abortion is now illegal

So... I guess I’m an antivax parent

I still don't know how i feel about abortion

On the one hand, I am in favor, since this is the murder of children.
On the other hand, I am against it, because it gives women the right to choose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the democrats: Abortion: Yes, and guns: No

For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. All life is sacred

Unless it enters my fucking property
*loads shotgun*

Abortion jokes are never funny.

So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.

What do you call a gamer who works at a abortion clinic?

Spawn camper

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

Pro Life Tip

Don't get an abortion.

The best thing about being an abortion doctor

You don't have to buy dog food

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*

^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...

^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

Why are Catholics so anti abortion?

So they have a good supply of young children in their foster homes for the priests.

I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...

Does the image come with reproduction rights?

My moms sister is Anti-abortion

It’s a bit of a cruel nickname but she has had 5 of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW DARK JOKE: Never eat out a woman who had an abortion.

That shit is haunted.

My parents tried to get me aborted

But the doctor said 18 years was too late

What do you call a motel abortion?

An early checkout...

What do you call a woman who recently had an abortion?

Pregnain't

The problem with abortion jokes

Theres never a good hook

What is it called when you screw a girl that's had 10 abortions.

A graveyard smash.

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