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Turret Jokes

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The bloke with turrets syndrome

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from usi...

The other day I told a joke about an armoured vehicle with a rotating gun turret.

It tanked.

MOATS!, PORTCULLIS!, DRAWBRIDGE! ARMOURY! BATTLEMENTS! sorry for shouting, I have a condition that makes me shout out things you find in a castle..

It's called TURRETS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a dude is visiting a group of engineers

the chief engineer greets him and gives him a tour of the facility.

"Right now we're building machinery for the military", says the chief engineer.

the guy sees an assault rifle mounted onto a complicated looking device and asks, "whats going on over here?"

the chief engineer re...

My friend was kicked out of the local bar for shouting “Small tower ! Small tower on a Castle wall !!”

It is not his fault his has Turrets.

I have a medical condition, where i sometimes Turn into a small Tower with a weapon on top.

My doctor said, it is called "Turret-Syndrome"

Why did the tf2 engineer keep twitching?

Because he had turrets

Two goldfish are sitting in a tank, one turns to the other and says...

"You man the turret, I'll drive"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 Soldiers around a Campfire.

(Not sure if this was done already but I heard this in boot camp. If I fucked it up I’m sorry.)

There are 4 soldiers sitting around a fire.

A Green Beret, A Navy Seal, a MARSOC Gunner, and a Delta Operator.

The MARSOC Gunner looks around for sec, then says “I once killed 20 men ...

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A tank crew is hard at work fixing a broken track...

When a beautiful pixie approaches them from behind. "What are you boys doing?" asked the Pixie. "Can't you see we're fucking with the track?!" replied an angered crewman. "Would you boys want to get fucked for real?" Asked the Pixie in a mischievous voice?
The crew drops the track and turns to th...

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Who's the toughest

A group of old men were sitting at the local VFW, downing beers and trading war stories.

They were joined by another old man, who was new to their club, so they took their turns trying to prove who was the toughest.

First the Navy guy stood up: "I was on the USS Indianapolis, when it g...

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A loose tongued child.

A child was being rather risque at a family gathering, using undesirable language, when an old aunt comes up and makes an excuse for his poor choice of words.
"You shouldnt be saying things like that, what are you like?"
To which the child replies, "A castle, because I've got FUCKING TURRETS...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An owl flew into a Kebab place and started dancing.

The customers were amazed and started taking videos.

Every day, it returned, and soon the owl became a tourist attraction.

Visitors from different continents came to see the owl, while the Kebab place prospered.

One day, the owner, a man named John Spon, decided to lock up the o...

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