I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'

And the other guy says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so ...

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall...

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall started: **"Hey man, how are you doing?"**.



A little confused I replied: **"Ehm good, I guess."**



To my surprise the guy continued with: **"What ya doin'?"**


<...

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I’ve designed a bathroom stall door that will open for everyone except British detectives.

It’s called a No Shit, Sure-Lock.

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I read a sign in a bathroom stall that said, “Do not flush foreign bodies. Toilet paper only.”

Beneath it someone had written, “No shit?”

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When you pick a bathroom stall and it's dirty inside...

If you give a shit, then you don't give a shit.

If you don't give a shit, then you give a shit.

Why can’t an American bathroom stall lie?

You can see right through them

A tractor salesman shows up at Joe's farm...

The salesman approaches the farmer and says, "Good day to you sir! I'd like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what -- "

Old Joe interrupts the sales pitch and wit...

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So there is this one time when a rich man came accross a poor man in a stall on xmas.

The poor man asked, "so what present are you gonna give your wife this year?"

To which the rich man responded, "a diamond ring and a lamborghini."

"why those two things?" asked the poor man in confusion.

"Well, because if she doesn't like the ring, she can use the lamborghini to...

Poor Dave ...

Poor Dave had spent his life making wrong decisions. If he bet on a horse, it would lose. If he chose one elevator rather than another, it was the one he chose that stalled between floors. The line he picked before the bank teller's cage never moved. And so it went, day after day, year after year. T...

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A woman is looking around in a flea market.

A bearded man calls out to her, pointing out to a pair of sandals. "You look like the kind of woman who is sexually deprived, no?"

The woman, thinking about how long it had been since her husband made love to her, nodded. The man took her to a room behind his stall and said, "I give you trial...

A Piece Of String Walks Into A Bar...

He quickly notices a sign that says, "No String Allowed, We do not serve pieces of String."

Before anyone notices, he rushes to the bathroom and hides in a stall.

He messes himself up, makes himself look rough and tattered. Then he contorts his body into a twisted and uncomfortable pos...

Mothers day scultpures

Ellis and Chris are up late carving sculptures of a mother holding a baby for their Mothers Day stall.

All of them look the same the only differences are the flowers in the mother's hair.

Chris tells a story to Ellis about his favorite flower and why.

*Ellis rolls his eyes*
...

Whats the difference between a "hole in a boat" and a "hole in a bathroom stall"?

One is a "Man, that sucks" situation


The other is a "Sucks that man" situation.

I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking.

It was so disgusting I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.

Sherlock and Watson are browsing the market, when they come across a stall selling lemons.

"I wonder," says Watson, picking up a lemon and examining it closely. "Exactly where do these fruits come from?"

"Well," says Sherlock, plucking the lemon out of Watson's hands. "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson."

Seen written on a stall in a men's bathroom:

"My wife follows me everywhere."
Written just below it:
"I do not"

A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway...

The mechanical engineer says: "lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"
The chemical engineer says: "its most likely the gas line, lets check that"
The electrical engineer says: "no, it has to be the car's circuts"
The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: "lets ...

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Found in a bathroom stall...

I hate to shock you on the throne,

But you're not in this stall alone,

There's no use standing on the seat,

The crabs in here can jump six feet,

Now you might think that's pretty high,

But in the next stall, the bastards fly.

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The woodland critters decide to open a public restroom...

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public. The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

\- I am sorry for this bot...

I saw two high school boys go into a bathroom stall together

before juuling, that would have meant something entirely different

A blond City girl named Amy marries a N. Dakota rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The ...

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show

when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool box out of the trunk and I can fix it.”

The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my ...

After early voting today, I stopped off in the men's restroom...

Some pervert stood right next to me at the stall and was eyeballing my junk!

It's ok though, he said he was an OFFICIAL pole watcher.

What do you call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?

A loo-tenant.

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In the bathroom at a computer convention

Someone from Microsoft comes out of a stall, washes his hands, takes a towel, wipes his hands, takes another towel, wipes his hands more and repeats it another time, commenting "At Microsoft, we are very thorough".

Someone from Intel comes out of a stall, washes his hands, takes a towel and w...

The Apple iCar production has stalled

There’s been a lack of Jobs

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Man gets a tattoo of his girls name on his dick...

Her name is Wendy. He had to get hard for the artist to tattoo, so once it shriveled up, you can only see the letters W and Y.

He went to the bathroom one day and stood at a stall next to another gentleman. He decides to have a peek and notices the letters W and Y.

He asks “Hey! You ha...

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TIL: You can use tampons to stuff bullet holes to stall bleeing before getting the person to the hospital.

That's actually what tampons were originally used for. Then nurses were all, "Wait, I've got a bleeding hole too!"

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I encountered my clone in a bathroom stall.

I said, "You've gotta be shitting me."

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This bloke was in the street with a stall selling balaclavas.

"Balaclavas! Get your balaclavas!" he shouted. "Ladies and gentlemen, get your balaclavas!"

So I walked up to him and said, "I'm a cop."

He said, "Would you like a balaclava?"

I said, "You didn't hear me right. I'm a cop."

"Yes," he said. "But I supposed you might want to...

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I will be in a bathroom stall later today to watch Trump's inauguration...

...it will forever be remembered as the day shit went down.

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NSFW - Leprechaun at a urinal

So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. As he enters the bathroom he notices a leprechaun at the urinals. He walks up to the urinal next to it and starts doing his business, but while doing so cant help but notice that this leprechaun ha...

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What do you call Sean Connery inside a toilet stall without any toilet paper?

"A Shituation."

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A guy is in a bathroom stall having a shit when he hears the guy in the next cubicle singing.

"Hey," he says. "I know that tune. That's The Beatles."

"Very good," says the guy in the next stall.

"Would you like to hear some of The Stones?" he says.

The guy pauses, and says, "Yes, go on then."

"OK," he grunts. "Let me just push a bit harder."

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A large white bear walked into a bar, laughed, made out with the hottest girl, broke down sobbing, and had sex with a guy in the bathroom stall. A customer asked the bartender "Sheesh, what's his problem?"

"Bipolar"

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[NSFW] A pent-up piano player in a restaurant goes off and masturbates...

His boss finds him in the stall and screams at him, “Get the hell back out there, you got a job to do!”

So he rushes back out, and someone comes up to him and says “Do you know you have cum in your hair and your dick is hanging out?”

And he says, “No, but if you hum a few bars I’m sure...

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A dude is sitting in a public restroom stall, groaning and suffering from constipation...

when he hears another dude rush into another stall, followed by some very loud unloading.

"I'm so jealous of you" said the first dude. The other dude answers,

"Fuck you I haven't pulled down my pants yet."

One of the cakes is missing from my German cake stall...

... I'm worried that it was stollen.

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A man goes into a restroom at a bar...

He's standing at the urinal and notices a very short guy at the urinal next to him. The little fellow is maybe three feet tall, wearing a green suit and hat, red hair and red beard... and hung like a horse.

The man says, "Excuse me, sir, you're quite unusual looking, what's your story?" The l...

"My wife has a stall on the beach..."

"My wife has a stall on the beach where you can buy flags of any country"



"Does she sell Seychelles by the sea shore?"

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I'm always intimidated when I notice the bathroom stall I'm in is tagged by a gang.

Scares the shit out of me

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Donald Trump meets the Queen...

Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowns. "But how do I know the p...

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A guy goes into the bathroom at a bar.

He's using the urinal when this really short guy starts using the urinal next to him. The guy can't help but notice this little guy is hung like a donkey. Having had a few drinks, he comments on the dudes huge member.
The short guy laughs and in a thick Irish accent he says, "Aye. I'm a leprecha...

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So, I'm in the stall of a public bathroom...

...And this guy comes in. First thing he does is belch extremely loudly. Twice. Walks to the urinal, starts obnoxiously banging his fist on the wall; I guess trying to make some sort of shitty beat. Farts, finishes, and leaves. No washing his hands or anything. All I can think is "Wow, I don't under...

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A man was taking a train to the city from a rural town, when he saw the most beautiful blonde he'd ever laid his eyes on

Upon close inspection, it seemed that the woman was a country bumpkin; and that he overheard her say to an attendant that it was her first time riding a train, and going to a big city.


Because his lust was too strong, he was determined to take advantage of her and waited for an opportunit...

Best Salesman of the year

At a sales conference, one of the awards went to Matthew for best salesman. He’d sold a record quantity of mouthwash. After he’d been presented with his award, he was asked for the secret of his success.

“Oh it’s simple really,” said Matthew. “I set up a mobile stall during rush-hour and give...

Bargaining

A visitor to my market stall was insistent on bargaining. I said "sir, this is America, we don't negotiate with tourists."

When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car

As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.

One of the disciples looked up and said, "Guess he shouldn't have driven emmanuel."

A farmer had an argument with his wife

and she brought her mother to live with them. After 3 weeks of nagging, the mother in law went out one morning to the barn to the donkey stall. She was picking up the straw, and saw a spider. She shrieked, and the alarmed donkey kicked her in the head and killed her.

All the farmer's neighbou...

What font does a beef noodle stall use?

Times Niurou Mian

(Niurou Mian = beef noodles in Chinese)

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Circus Elephant

A man was wandering around a circus and stopped to watch a guy hosing down an Elephant. The man asked him how he liked looking after such a large beast. "Well" said the man,"It's a very dirty and time consuming job.I'm awake at 5am to prepare his breakfast, then shovel out the shit that has been pro...

A man was driving a rental car along a old mountain road in Eastern Europe at night when he started having engine problems

Unable to get a signal on his mobile phone, he saw a lit building not far off and made it there just as the car stalled. Getting out of the car, he knocked on the door. A monk in a brown habit opened the door.

"Good evening, brother!" greeted the monk. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm ver...

Women are like bathrooms stalls....

....they're all dirty, except the handicap ones -Jim Jeffries

Men's Helpline for Women

Dear John,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV.  My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He wa...

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A man wakes up at 7 am

He finds out he has 7 dollars left on his bus pass. He takes bus 777 to work. At work, his boss moves him to office 7. His wife packed 7 apple slices for him. When he exits the building, he finds 7 dollars on the ground. "The gods must be trying to tell me something," he thinks. As he walks to the b...

Help

Once after a heavy snowfall i was riding with a female co-worker. The roads had not yet been cleared of snow but we pushed ahead regardless, all the cars following in the same ruts. At the intersection the snowplow passed and left a pile of snow in front of us. We blew through it but it stalled the ...

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So a an America college kid goes to Dublin for spring break.

And he’s out at the pubs, just getting shitfaced.
He goes back to the bathroom to take a leak, and this little guy goes up to the stall next to him. Guys got red hair, a red beard, wearing a green suit with a vest, jacket, whole thing. College dude is staring, so he sees this little guy whip out...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks

. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tell me there was nothing wrong with me."

I was in a car accident

wasn't my fault the driver in front car stalled, as we were both getting out of our cars I realized he was a dwarf. He walked over to assess the damage, shuck his head and said, I'm not happy, to which I replied well then which one are you?

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

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A German, a Japanese, and a Russian were sitting naked...

... in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his finger into his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "Oh, that was my embedded smart watch," he said. "Germany has the smartest engineers in the world and I've had one of their devices placed...

The Angry Vet.

Dr. Ray was about to lock up with he saw an old pick up truck pull into the parking lot. Being a nice vet Dr. Ray waited on the old man to get out of the truck. He started walking up to Dr. Ray's door in that old slow gait, complete with straw hat and overalls.

Dr. Ray sighed as the door open...

My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.


He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people bu...

Are you a manual transmission?

Because you sure love to stall!

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There once was a man who played the piano in a restaurant every weekend.

There once was a man who played the piano in a restaurant every weekend. All his songs had no words but they all had names that were extremely rude. The restaurant manager found out their names but told him not to tell them to anyone because he was a very good piano player.

One night he was p...

I am at my local police station

and I just heard that someone stole their toilet now they have nothing to go on. To make matters worse someone made a glory hole in the wall of a stall they are waiting by it for anonymous tips. On top of that in their women's room they found a peephole, they are still looking into it.

cursed bathroom story

A man is in a bathroom stall, when he hears a voice next to him.

Voice: How are you?

Man: Pretty good, how about you?

Voice: What are you doing?

Man: You know, just using the restroom, yourself?

Voice: I'm gonna have to call you back. I've got some idiot in the sta...

A guy is late for an important meeting.

A guy is late for an important meeting. But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to...

A man is stranded in the desert dying of thirst.

As he crawls along he spots something on the horizon. As he gets closer, he sees the objects are market stalls. He goes t the first stall and pleads for water. The stall holder tells him he only sells jelly with broken biscuit in it. He crawls to the next stall and and pleads for water put the stall...

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Is it weird to to take shits in public bathrooms?

Because the dude in the stall I took it from seemed pretty creeped out...

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A Topological Loop Walks Into a Bar, and Asks the Bartender "What's the Quickest Way to get Laid?" [NSFW]

A Topological Loop walks into a bar, and asks the bartender "what's the quickest way to get laid?"

The bartender answers, "Keep this under wraps, but check the second stall in the men's restroom. There's a glory hole there, and someone is in there right now."

The loop enters the bathro...

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Three men are using the bathroom at a bar.

The first man flushes and steps out of the stall, and says "My parent's were amish, so I only ever use two squares when I wipe my ass."

The second man flushes and meets him in the hall. "My parents were hippies. At burning man they used to get away with one."

The third man finishes, an...

A guy named Hugh noticed some monks in front of his house

The monks were selling flowers in a stall. Hugh didn't want them operating a business on his property, so he forced them to stop. One monk who was interviewed later by the media said, "Well, if it was anyone else, we may have gotten away with it. But unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist fria...

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My 75 y/o Scottish grandpa told me this at a family lunch.

A farmer walks into the bar and sits down beside me looking extremely agitated.


"What's goin' on with ya Pete?"


"Ah jesus, Brian. So I got up early and was milking my biggest cow in her stall. I had a pail just about full when she kicked her right leg and spilled the entire thi...

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

The place goes dead silent. The cowboy orders a drink, and the bartender asks, “Boy, you know you ain’t got no clothes on?”

“Yup,” drawls the cowboy, “but it ain’t my fault.”

“Ain’t yer fault?” says another fella in disbelief. “How’d you get nekkid, t...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for...

The Old Rich Man, the Young Man and the Apples

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple ...

Angela Merkel visits Donald Trump in Washington

During her stay Trump asks her: "Tell me Chancellor Merkel, what's the secret of your years of success?"

Chancellor Merkel responds: "Well I have always surrounded myself with intelligent people."

"Very interesting", says Trump, "but how exactly do you know if they are intelligent?"<...

A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop.

He was quite successful and through great marketing, quality product, and reasonable prices, Andrew's Flowers became the top garden shop in all Dublin. Some monks that had a stall set up nearby took notice and, since attendance at the local parish (and the accompanying tithing revenue) was way down,...

A couple went to the county fair.

They ate all the food and rode all the rides. When it came time to leave the woman asked her husband if there was anything else he wanted to do. "I would like to take a ride in that airplane, but it costs $20." She replied "20 dollars is 20 dollars."
He nodded sagely and they went home.

Ne...

Two Fleas meet on a beach in florida

Two fleas are laying on a beach in florida

The first flea who is sunning himself looks to the 2nd and asks

Flea 1- "why are you shivering so bad ?"

Flea 2- "I hitched a ride down here on the mustache of a man who rode a motorcycle and it almost froze me to death"

Flea...

$5 is 5$

A elderly couple are walking down a country road one day and they see a man standing next to a plane with a sign that says "Plane Rides $5"

The old woman looks at her husband and says "Earl, let's go up in the plane"

Earl replies "Ethel $5 is $5, maybe next time."

And on they...

What did the CIA say to the clock that would only say, "Tick, tick, tick?"

Stop stalling. We have ways to make you tock!

What do you call Russian student who seems like he'll never finish college?

Stalling grad

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I was taking a road tip over the mountains...

I was taking a road trip over the mountain a month back. Just as I reached the summit I really needed to "drop one off" so I stopped at this little restaurant just off the highway. Nice place, good pancakes. Either way, I sit down in the bathroom stall and start to get down to business.

...

Three Accountants and Three Engineers [long]

Three accountants and three engineers were boarding a train. The three accountants each bought a ticket, and then noticed confusedly that the engineers only had one ticket between the three of them.

"How can three people travel on a single ticket?" asked the accountants.

"Watch," answe...

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A man walks into a very fancy restaurant...

"Alright!" The man yells. "Where's the fucking manager?" The manager quickly comes to the front desk and asks "would you mind keeping your voice down and avoiding such language."

"Shut up, you cocksucker!" The man replies. "Your sign says your looking for a pianist. So where the fuck's your p...

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Every year John entered the state lottery hoping to win....

..but he never did. Finally he prayed vigorously and hoping for God's message, he walked around the town fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was bare bottomed and had 7 written on each of her butt cheeks .

He bet on 77 as...

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A stranger walks into a local bar...

He is a big guy but no one has ever seen him in there before.
"Who is the toughest guy in here?", he shouts to the bar keeper.
"Well right now I suppose it is Clyde over at the pool table."
The big man walks up to Clyde, rolls the pool balls around, picks up a pool que and just beats the da...

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A guy is taking a dump in a public bathroom...

When suddenly, he hears "Hello" from the next stall,

He replies "Hello?"

Another question follows up "How are you?"

Still confused, he replies "Fine, thanks"

"What are you doing?"

"Um, I'm in a toilet, what do you think?"

After a brief second, there's anothe...

Stranger: hello

Me: hello

Stranger: mind if I come over?

Me: that's a little inappropriate.

Stranger: hold on, some guy in the stall next to me won't shut up.

A man is sitting in a bar alone...

...after a few beers he needs to visit the restroom.

The restroom is empty except for one man by the urinal (one of those big stainless steel urinals without stalls).

The man walks over to the urinal and starts unzipping his pants.

He glances over at the other man and notices th...

I can't believe this happened

I was on the toilet, and shortly after I sat down I heard from the stall next door, "Hi, how are you?". Embarrassed but not wanting to be rude I said "doing fine?" Then I hear them ask "So what are you up to?". ?!?! "Um..." I said "Same as you I'd guess. Just sitting here." Then I'm completely caug...

I was visiting a Buddhist temple last week

Just for a tour, when I got there, there was a temple and a small market outside.

The place was amazing, so I decided to go and have a look at the small market outside it. When I got there, I noticed a small piece of paper on the floor, and it had a barcode on it and it read "One free blessin...

A man with an orange for a head is drinking in a bar...

another man walks up to him and says "Excuse me mate, I just wondered how come you've got an orange for a head?"

The man with an orange for a head says "We'll, it's quite a story, if you buy me a pint, I'll tell you."

So the man buys 2 pints and they settle down at the bar. "A few year...

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An American college student goes to Dublin for St Patrick’s Day

He's getting hammered in a pub, and goes to take a leak. He steps up to the urinal, and this little guy, with a bright orange beard, and all in green, steps up next to him, whips out this giant dick and starts pissing too. The American guy has never seen a dick that big, and he kind of blurts out, “...

Brian Blessed was flying his bi-plane over the Sahara desert when out of nowhere the engine spluttered and stop and he found himself hurtling toward the ground.

As he crawled out of the wreckage, Brian couldn't believe he had survived the crash. He checked himself for injuries, a few scratches but nothing major; no broken bones, no concussion, not even whiplash from the plane's impact with the ground. For a second he considered himself lucky. Until he looke...

Four engineers riding in a car -

it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start

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