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Clients Jokes

What does an exorcist do when his clients won't pay up?

He gets the ghosts to repossess the house.

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What did the Gigolo find between his 80 year old clients’ breasts?

Lint in her belly button!

What does a cannibal life coach value in their clients?

*Consistency.*

A Salesman is working late one night to close a deal with some clients.

They start to get hungry, so he calls down to the office cafeteria to see if they can fix anything. The kitchen is already closed for the night, so the best the chef can do is whip up some sandwiches. As the chef is plating them up, he accidentally knocks the pickle jar off the counter and shatter...

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What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for cumming!

An Orthodox Jewish lawyer tells his clients he's available to help them ...

... 24/6

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Did you hear about the sex worker who specialised in kinky clients?

He had a big threesome set up. Didn't go very well though...
He got off on the wrong foot.

A lawyer goes to heaven

St Peter meets him at the pearly gates. The lawyer is impressed, but asks "Are you sure it is my time? I'm not that old?"

St Peter says "What do you mean? You're 86 years old."

The lawyer says "No I'm not...I'm only 58. Why do you think I'm 86?"

St Peter says "Well, we just ...

There is a street corner where hookers wait around to be picked up

On a light post nearby a parrot is hanging around. As he watches he says, “Same old hookers, same old clients”

This is bad for business so one of the hookers get mad at the parrot and throws a rock at him. He falls down onto the ground. The next morning a nun is walking and sees the parrot. ...

A Jewish shop owner in a largely Christian town hears a knock on the door.

He opens, and sees representatives of the local church.

\- Excuse us, Mr. Shainski, - they say. - Our church is in a bad state now, so we decided to build a new one. Seeing as you are known as a very wealthy and generous person, could you spare anything?

Shainski thinks. On the one han...

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[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Yoga instructor killed one of his clients.

The murder was premeditated.

I was sorry to hear you lost your job for sleeping with one of your clients...

That sucks, you were a great veterinarian

How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?

On a queso by queso basis.

What does a marijuana shop owner call his clients?

Kushtomers

Which fruit defends their clients in the juridical system?

The advocato

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What do central European sex traffickers tell their clients?

The Czech's in the mail.

An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.

The Devil made him an offer. “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife’s soul, the souls of your child...

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I finally got my vagina sculpting business off the ground and business is booming. My clients really enjoy my work and are always happy to pay...

For cervices rendered

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What do a proctologist and a prostitute who's only clients are homeless people have in common?

They both spend their time at work feeling up bums.

A skydiving instructor was getting frustrated with his clients

Despite their initial willingness to sign up, all of them were now shaking, clutching their parachutes tightly, and looking down into the sky below. The man at the front of the line looked to be on the verge of tears. The instructor had been trying to get them to jump for the past twenty minutes, an...

What was the deal the coffee-addict lawyer offered potential clients?

Grounds for divorce

Did you hear about the lawyer that got lost on a camping trip with one of his clients?

He was found with criminal in-tent.

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Two prostitutes were talking about clients...

When one of them points to the Mercedes across the street.

"You see that car, the owner afforded it because of me" she said with a smile on her face

"You know, that's not how it works, we don't give them money, they give it to us" the second said confused.

"Yeah, I know, before ...

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A friend of mine was recently accused of having sex with one of his clients...

As a result, he has been publicly humiliated, and is probably going to be indicted any day. On top of that, a wonderful marriage, not to mention years of schooling and training, wasted for a moment of weakness. It's such a shame, for he was truly a nice guy, and an absolutely gifted mortician.

What’s the difference between a customer, a client and a patient?

If I have customers, I get $10/hr. If I have clients, I get $100 an hour. If I have patients I get $1,000/hr

I’ve started a waxing/hair removal business, and I have decided to only take female clients for the time being.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

Of course Goldman Sachs called their clients "muppets"

Some of them ended up living in garbage cans.

Big Burly Biker walks into a bar

He sees this tiny nerdy looking guy staring at his filled drink and decides he wants to mess with him. The Biker walks over takes the glass and slams the drink in one swig. At this the nerdy guy just starts bawling like a baby.


The Biker filled with remorse tells him to calm down an...

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A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ev...

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients?

A hooker with a gimmick

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill are two employees of a bottled water company. Business hasn't been too good lately, so the boss decides he needs to fire one of them.

The first day, he keeps an eye on Jack.

Jack comes in early, goes straight to his desk and gets to work. He works solidly all through the ...

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What does a male prostitute say when his phone keeps ringing after he's seen 3 clients in a row?

"FOUR FUCKS ACHE!!"

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