A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did...

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Two years ago, my friend told me the worst joke I'd ever heard. Here it is for those of you who don't know it

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to ge...

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

So a woman goes to see a doctor.

Doctor: Ah there is nothing wrong with you, only thing I could say is you have been married 4 times and you dont have any children.

Woman: well the first was a psychiatrist and all he did was talk about the thing.

The second was a gynecologist and all he did was look at the thing. ...

What's the difference between a hooker and a solicitor?

A hooker will stop trying to screw you once you''re dead.

After his rich uncle's death, he was very anxious about his uncle fortune.

"Am I mentioned in the will?" he asked repeatedly.

"Of course you are," replied the solicitor.

Right here in the second page your uncle says:

"To my niece Sally, I bequeath $123,000; to my cousin Thomas, $55,000; and to my nephew Ricky, who was always asking too know if he's me...

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The Polish man and his solicitor

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American lady. Although his English wasn't perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed to his solicitor's and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The solicitor said that getting a divorce would depend on circumstances and ask...

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a woman asks 400 men if any one can tell her what a clitoris is??

after a few minutes one bloke raises his hand and says
is it an anagram for solicitor?

*The Glasgow Brothel*

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer so...

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One crazy irish hunting trip

A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pic...

Good old Irish Granny....

Solicitors should never ask a County Offaly granny a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial in Tullamore recently a small-town prosecuting solicitor called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Murphy, do you know m...

Topical Jokes for 10/9

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In Indiana, a pizza delivery man received a $1,200 tip from college students. College officials applauded the act of charity, until they realized the “pizza” was just a box with $1,200 dollars worth of weed in it.

T...

I have inpenetrable will.

No solicitor or homeless person could ever get to me.
The answer is always the firmest of NOs.
Why, just the other day an elderly woman with a black eye asked me if I could give the money I had.
I refused.
Then she began to cry. Bawling her eyes out, she begged me:
"Please, I've ...

It was so cold this morning...

I actually saw a solicitor with hands in his own pockets!!

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A man hears a knock at his front door

he rises from his seat on the couch to answer it. When he opens the door, though, there on his porch, sits a snail dressed in salesperson-getup.

"Good day, sir," says the snail, "would you mind if I showed you my merchandise?"

"Fuck off," replies the man as he slams the door.

As...

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Lawyers and Prostitutes

If a solicitor engages in solicitation and a prostitute engages in prostitution, then why do prostitutes get booked for solicitation and solicitors get paid to screw people?

Morals and ethics

Little Mick came home from school one day quite perplexed. 'Dad, the teacher was telling us about morals and ethics today and I still don't understand the difference. What is it?'

'Well son, you know that I am a solicitor so let me explain with an example. Let's say that old Mrs Murphy comes ...

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