UPJOKE
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What kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip?

An i-salsa-les triangle

Where did the square go after killing the triangle?

To prism.

Why did the square fall in love with the triangle?

Because she had acute angle.

I’m currently in a love triangle

I like this girl, this girl likes nobody, and nobody likes me.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

You’re pointless!

I used to play the triangle in a band, but I had to leave.

It was just one ting after another.

I'm trying to buy one of those triangle-shaped cabins, but my credit isn't good enough to get a loan.

I'll have to get someone to cosine.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

“Ay bb you’re all curves, lemme smash. Come on, just the tip.”

So the circle says

“Wow … you’re rather pointed”

And the triangle replies,

“At least I’m not a square.”

Triangles seem to be rich

They hold so many properties

An angel once visited me but only described the measurements of a triangle to me.

Its felt like a sine from God

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three kingdoms border a lake in the shape of an obtuse triangle

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this storytelling and legal battling came to no conclusion,...

What newspaper does a triangle read?

...the *hypotenews*

I had a joke about the hypotenuse of a triangle…

I’m only able to tell one side of the story, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So over the past few weeks I've been mastering the art of ejaculating in various shapes. I've done squares, triangles, hexagons, but could not for the life of me form an oval. I was starting to get frustrated, but its fine now...

I came a round.

What do you call a triangle that's had too much to drink?

A rekt angle

I wanted to take ownership of a building shaped like a triangle.

But I couldn’t get anyone to cosine.

A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

... thanks for every ting.

A wise man once said:

If you understand why pizza is made round, packed into a square box and eaten as a triangle

Then my friend, you’ll understand women.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad sent me this

Enjoy the fun & the pun.



Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May!



Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!



Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

A: I better ...

What would you call the Bermuda Triangle if it had four edges?

The Bermuda wreck tangle

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it'll fit inside the box.

What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?

They both swallow a lot of sea men.

What do you call a triangle with angles 42.0°, 69° and 69°?

A Nice-osceles triangle.

I would like to put on record my appreciation for the guys who play the triangle in orchestras.

Thanks for every ting.

Triangles...

What’s the point?

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

What do your room and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?

Things mysteriously disappear there.

How would a triangle kill itself?

With the hypotenoose.

I saw a right triangle resting under a tree.

I thought, "Wow, 90 degrees in the shade!"

My room is like the Bermuda triangle

stuff goes in and is never seen again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the trigonometrical ratio of a triangle go to jail?

Because cos B is a sexual offender.

What's J. K. Rowling's favourite side of a triangle?

The Harrypotenuse

The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle,

until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.

Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?

A: They were right for each other

How do you climb a triangle?

By scalene it

A mysterious force drug a pirate ship closer to the Bermuda Triangle, alarming the captain.

The captain asked the lookout in the the crow's nest what he saw.

The lookout replied, "Captain, we be sailing tangent to stormy seas. It be a sine the secant be good."

The captain responded, "Aye, the sea put this here crew in a triggy situation."

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

How to create your very own Bermuda triangle?

1. Surround yourself with relatives.
2. Submerge in their expectations. Watch all your hopes and dreams disappear!



PS:- Extra effective if you are Asian, especially Indian!

Edit : True Story.. I am an Indian and I approve this >\_<

Why was the triangle sent to hell?

Cos sin

I once worked with a very musically talented Jamaican who, after years of auditions for various instruments, got a gig in the local orchestra playing the triangle - not his first choice. One day he came in super stressed looking. I said "What's up? Can't handle the pressure of performing on stage?"

He says, "You have no idea mon, I be responsible for every ting."

A circle is circular, a triangle is triangular, a rectangle is rectangular, but a square is...

You. You're a square.

My dad asked me why my math scores were weak. I told him that I found myself caught in a love triangle.

He looked concerned, sat down with me and said, "You know you can tell me anything right? What's really going on?"

I replied "I don't know how to explain this to you but the four of us are in love... "

What is the difference between Germany and the bermuda triangle?

The bermuda triangle has three points.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the triangle after he saw porn for the first time?

He became erectangle

What do a lost parrot and a triangle have in common

Polygon

I love bacon sandwiches cut into little triangles...

Strip clubs are awesome!

KGB held test of many officer after numerous complaint of incompetence.

Test was simple. Officer must match block with corresponding hole.

Triangle block will only fit in triangle hole, square block in square hole, etcetera.

Completion and scoring of test revealed two distinct type of KGB officer:

Type 1- Very stupid

Type 2- Very Strong

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

I was in a love triangle with my girlfriend and a tool. I told her she had to choose. Me or him.

She chose the ladder.

Two triangles are having difficulty buying an apartment.

It turns out they needed to cosine.

How do triangles talk to each other?

Sine language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

A young adult named Bob enters a confessional

Bob: “Forgive me father, for I have sined.”

Priest: “It’s pronounced ‘sinned’, but that’s unimportant, what have you done?”

Bob: “I divided the opposite side by the Hypotenuse on a right triangle”

It's so sad I just realized Earth isn't a triangle shape!!

Well I guess there isn't any point in life anymore

What do you call a triangle that got OWNED?

A rectangle.

What do you call an acute triangle that is dangerous?

A bermute triangle!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t triangles have an SSA Congruence Theorem?

‘Cause that would be ass-backwards.

You know what they say about cows in the Bermuda Triangle...

They moo in mysterious waves

Gianna, a beautiful woman, was in the midst of a love triangle with two best friends, Nathan and Joel

Obviously this caused tension between the besties, and as such also troubled Gianna - she liked each one equally.

So on the 11th of February, she spoke to the two lovestruck rivals and challenged them.

"On Valentine's Day, each of you will get me a card - no gift, only a card. The one ...

A horse walks into a bar and says, “On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?”

The bartender says, “Y, long face.”

What do you call a triangle that gets into a car accident?

A rektangle

Breaking news

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believ...

A woman living on a shtetl in Poland goes to see her rabbi

"Rabbi!" she says. "My son Avram has a very strange fear - he is afraid of kreplach!"

The rabbi says, "Kreplach? He's afraid of the meat dumplings we make for Rosh Hashanah?"

She nods. "Yes. I've tried to tell him there's nothing to be afraid of, but whenever he sees kreplach he runs o...

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

How do triangles commit suicide?

With a hypotenoose

Taking the side length that’s opposite of an angle in a right triangle is very much frowned upon.

It’s considered a sin.

What do you call a triangle with four sides and a serious drinking problem?

A wrecked angle.

What did the triangle need to do before he could get a loan?

He needed somebody to cosine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend.. So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing.

Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everything alright? Did that man hurt you?", Dave asked.

"No no, everything is alright.", she says as she wipes her tears. "How can i help you?"

"...

Today, in math class, we had to label triangles.

I would tell you the answers, but they're all classified now.

What did the triangle say to the preacher?

Forgive me father for I have sin().

How did the triangle know he had appendicitis?

He had an acute pain in his side!

What kind of animal lives in a triangle

Hippotenuse

One day the triangle player of an orchestra gets very ill and goes to the hospital.

He spends the entire day practising despite his fever and all his constant sneezing and sniffling. The next day, he goes home to find his house surrounded by police cars.

He asks a police officer, "What happened?"

The officer replies, "Your conductor came by your house to talk to you ...

Which body part hurts most when you get hit by a right-angled triangle?

Your sinuses.

Nobody in the world knows what those tiny sideways triangles on a keyboard mean.

Well, more or less.

Why isn’t Taylor Swift a pair of congruent triangles?

Because there’s no ASS

What kind of triangle jokes can never be made right?

Ones with an obtuse angle.

Why didn't the triangle go outside to get a tan?

Cos the sine said so!

I tried making a small triangle out of paper...

It looked more like a fortune cookie

That was unfortunate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Psychiatrist

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.

"What's this?" asks the psychiatrist.

"A tit," says the guy.

The psychiatrist then draws a square.

"What's this?

"It's a tit," says the guy.

The psychiatrist then draws a tria...

My trigonometry teacher and I got into a fight because she thinks triangles are the simplest polygon.

However, I think we can let digons be digons.

Police officer to a driver: “OK, driver’s license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.”

Driver: “Nah, I’ve already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain’s cap?"

What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?

They both swallow a lot of seamen.


Ahh stupid jokes. They never get old.

If you build a triangle with sticks.

Would it be, twigernometry?

What did one triangle say to the other triangle?

Hey, we should get together and square dance!

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