UPJOKE

### What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Heard this on Psychostick's livestream :3

Pumpkin 蟺

Sorry.

Chicken pot pi

Use shepherds pi

### 39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can鈥檛 determine how much is needed for your mother though

### My maths teacher didn't teach us circumference.

She said it was point-less

Vegetables

Grapple Pi.

### What's the formula for octopus circumference?

octopi*r2

Of course it should really be octopods*r2

### So a circumference walks into a restaurant...

...sits down and orders a bowl of diameter ice cream. The waiter asks, "You want pie with that?"

Circumference

### A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked "what is pi?"

The mathematician says "pi is the ratio of a circumference to its diameter".

The physicist says "pi is 3.1415"

The engineer says "it's about 3"

### A woman is sitting beside a businessman on an airplane...

The businessman is quite bored, so he tries to get the woman to play a game with him. "Let's play a game. We take turns asking questions. If I can't answer one of yours, I'll pay you 5 bucks, but if you can't answer one of mine, then you'll give me 5 bucks."

The woman ignores him and tries to...

Circumference.

### A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to measure the volume of a basketball

The mathematician grabs a cord to measure its circumference and from there works out its volume.

The physicist pushes the basketball into a bucket of water and measures the water displacement.

The engineer looks it up on the catalog.

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the r...

### what do you call a medieval french man covered in sperm

circumference

Told our lender we'd gone up a belt notch over lockdown and suffered a change of circumferences.

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### The scientific experiment

Three international urologists were arguing amongst themselves as to why the head of a man鈥檚 penis is larger in circumference than the shaft.

At the end, they decided to go back to their respective countries and perform sexual scientific experimentation, and then share their written conclusi...

### A man walked into a warehouse looking for a hula hoop.

Once he found one of size, he measured it. A nice length it was! The width of the hoop was 1 meter.

The man began to hack away at the hoop, when suddenly, a voice emerged!

"Please don't cut me! I was created with a circumference of 3.14 meters!"

The man chuckled, and continued t...

### Ball volume

A mathematician, scientist, & engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a ball

The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference

The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

### A team of researchers has created an advanced, AI-powered supercomputer.

The computer is capable of natural language processing. The primary function of the computer is to be asked a question verbally, and then search through publicly available and internal resources to provide an answer without any information given to it beforehand. The computer responds with the answe...

### You have a pumpkin.

You measure around it. All the way around.

Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.

Measure across the cut pumpkin.

Divide the circumference by the diameter.

What do you have now?

Pumpkin Pi

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### Three scientific studies about the penis

There were three scientific studies conducted to determine why the head of the penis has a greater circumference than the shaft.

The first study spent \$10 thousand and determined that it was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

The second study spent \$100 thousand and dete...

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### Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

### I don't know.

Jane and Mary are eating lunch together when, out of the blue, Jane asks what the circumference of the Earth is.
Mary shrugs and says, "No s茅."
Jane gives her a funny look and asks, "What does that mean?" to which Mary replies "I don't know."
Jane, flabbergasted, says, "Don't say it if y...

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### New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

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### First "Contact"

In the years that followed first contact between humanity and an alien race, individuals from both species took steps to integrate their two cultures. At one of several social conventions held to further this goal, a human couple and an alien couple meet and discuss their common traits. They eventua...

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### The Golden State Warriors flew to Jamaica to play an exhibition game against a local team.

The Warriors kept on losing the ball and missing easy shots. Kerr, the Warriors' coach was furious, but the players said that the balls were too small, and kept slipping out of their hands.

By the end of the half, they were down by 20 points, with Steph Curry, the Warriors' captain...