Christmas cracker joke: Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because they can't afford the train!

Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.

What do journalists like to find inside their Christmas crackers?

A pull-it surprise.

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Crap Christmas cracker joke

I was walking down the road with a 9 foot book under my arm when a guy who was walking past me said "what's with the big book?" I replied "It's a long story mate!"

Ok, so lets share our Christmas cracker jokes. Mine was awful.

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

Bad Christmas cracker jokes.

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!


What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
...

What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

A Barbecue.

Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.

What do you call a horse in pyjamas?

A nightmare.

(This was a Christmas cracker joke with the real answer being 'a zebra'. My boyfriend came up with this answer before the real answer was revealed.)

What did one eye say to the other eye?

Between you and me, something smells. Credit: Christmas cracker.

What did the sea say to the shore?

Nothing, he just waved.

Christmas crackers are the worst.

What did the feta cheese say when it saw a parmesan for the first time?

No whey!


>I thought up this awful joke (of the sort they put in Christmas crackers and are barely worth reading) all by myself a few minutes ago ... I am so proud

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