If anybody is alone during the festive period please don't hesitate to let me know.

I need to borrow some chairs.

Be careful on the road this festive season. Lots of men are drinking

And getting their wives to drive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Forgot the tree this year, so I'm putting up a 6 foot, tinsel covered Tampon.

Just for the festive period.

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Three men are travelling home on Christmas day together

As they round a corner their car goes head on into a tree and the three men are instantly killed. All three men arrive at the pearly gates at the same time and stand in a long queue waiting to receive St Peter’s judgement. While waiting, one of the men points ahead to front of the queue after notici...

what did the cult leader replace his punch with to be more fall festive

sui-cider

My wife hasn't been feeling very festive lately, but I've gotten her a present that will help her to discover the true meaning of Christmas...

A dictionary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.

He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's ligh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have sex if there is a risk of being overheard.

Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season.

My wife is so moody at Christmas,

I blame the festive period.

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Three men die on Christmas Day

As they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he explains that because they died on such an important day, in order to get into heaven, they need to show him something Christmas-y.

They all look at each other, knowing that they don't have anything festive on them, so they would have to improvis...

Was driving home earlier and I saw all the christmas lights up and I was a little sad because, those lights are expensive, and there are homeless people everywhere.

They'd look so much more festive wearing those lights.

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