My sister made 44 cupcakes with an assortment of red, white, and blue frosting for an Independence Day dinner.

"Why 44?" I asked her. "Because that's the number of real presidents this country has actually had?"

(This actually just happened.)

Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest

Stephen Hawking won by a landslide

An assortment of GoT puns (don't worry, no spoilers)

Note: I have not seen a single episode of GoT, nor have I read the books. All my knowledge is based off of what I hear in the news. Feel free to insert your "OP knows as much as Jon Snow" joke here.

So, here goes:

What should George R.R. Martin have called the Night's Watch? The Snow P...

There are three certainties in life:

Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.

A friend of mine has never had Mexican before....

So I took him to a nearby food truck that had a delicious assortment of options. He went up to the food truck owner.

Friend: Hi I have never had Mexican before. I was wondering if you can describe what some of these are.

Food truck owner: Certainly sir! Which would you like to know ab...

John the fisherman

A fisherman walks into a bank to apply for a loan.

The banker sits him down and goes: "So, what was your net gain for the previous year?"

The fisherman thinks for a bit and says: "An assortment of tuna fish"

Farmer Dave and Farmer Bill are in a quarrel...

Bill decides to sneak over to Dave’s Farm and covers Dave’s wife with an assortment of leftover ham dinners.

The next day, Bill sneaks over again and places more ham onto Dave’s wife.

This happens everyday for the next week.

Dave’s wife is fed with being covered in ham and co...

A king held a contest for all the men in the kingdom and the winner would get his beautiful daughter as his bride.

However, he didn't say what type of contest it was but his daughter's beauty drew many brave contestants.

Once gathered in his castle, he revealed a large moat filled with an assortment of beasts.

"The first man to cross the moat will inherit all my riches as well as my daughter. Who a...

A guy walks into a bar.

He notices there are multiple assortments of meat hanging from the ceiling. The cashier, after seeing him confused, told him it was a competition and told him the rules.

“If you can hop up and slap one of those cuts, you get free drinks till tomorrow. If you miss, you pay for everybody’s drin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes on a long business trip NSFW

While he is away he is worried his wife will miss him. To prevent this he takes a trip to his local adult store. Having never been there the vast assortment of adult toys takes him by surprise, not knowing what to get, the man approaches the shopkeep and explains his situation. The man smiles and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

A teenage boy asks his crush out to prom...

She agrees and he says he is going to make it the best night of her life. He doesn't want to let her down so he goes to buy a super nice suit, but the line at the suit store is massive. He groans and reluctantly waits in line for hours before finally getting his suit.



Next, he wants ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wins an online lottery of $5000 but finds out her entered the wrong email address.

He comes home disappointed and tells his son to send an email kindly requesting him to transfer all the money to his account, since he is the rightful recipient of the cash prize. However, his panic attack kicks in as he realizes he probably won't accept their request, and he tells his son to just s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man is about to leave for a week-long trip and is worried his wife will chest on him.

A business man is about to leave for a week-long business trip and is particularly concerned that his flirtatious wife may cheat on him. He decided he wanted to purchase a sex toy for her to keep her occupied while he was gone. He walks into a sex toy shop and looks around for a bit before heading t...

A tractor enthusiast

A tractor enthusiast from the country decides to leave his farm and assortment of tractors for a life in the city. He gets a job in a fancy high rise building. One day, the floor he works on catches fire. With one breath the man sucks up all the smoke and flames and blows it out the window. When all...

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

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