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An elderly couple were arranging their funeral and deciding on what words to put on their headstones

Husband suggests "Here lies Beryl, silent at last"

Wife suggests "Here lies Barry, stiff at last"

A man is deciding whether to become a novelist or a career criminal

You could say he's weighing the prose and cons

I was always told “you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself”

I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication

My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump.

Its either sink or swim.

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