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Thai Jokes

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.

I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."

But.....she did.

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Does my Thai girlfriend have a penis?

Something inside me says yes

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An Italian, a Thai and a Jew are discussing lubricants.

The Italian says: "I am using olive oil from an ancient family grove. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for 10 minutes after we are done."

The Thai says: "I am using coconut oil made from cocnuts grown on a secret island. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for a...

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

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A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'

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There was an American man who lived in Thailand and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time.

Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis

Freaked out, he went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 day...

Hey girl are you a Thai cave?

Cuz I want to put 12 kids in you

A man goes into a Massage Parlor for his first Thai Massage

He's a little nervous because he's never gotten one before.

Before they start the woman asks him if he has any questions.

He says, "What should I expect?"

She replies, "Well you'll wear loose, comfortable clothing and lie on a mat. Traditional Thai massage uses no oils or lotio...

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How does a Thai hooker run away

With her tail between her legs

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I was sucking off my new Thai bride, last night

When I thought.. "Hang on a fuckin' minute"

"I need to inspect your wounds" said the beautiful Thai nurse after my vasectomy

"Just to warn you, it's not uncommon to get an erection during this process, please don't be embarrassed" she said

"That's ok nurse, that will never happen to me" I said

"No" she said, "but it might happen to me."

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I was passionately kissing a Thai woman. I gently slid my hand up her thigh until I reached her panties, then I touched her crotch and I couldn't believe what I felt.

A vagina.

I had a Thai massage at the weekend...

Nothing dodgy - the wife had a token for one of those health clubs. So I strips down to my birthday suit and lie face down on the table. This very petite, but very gorgeous Thai girl comes in and starts to give me a very firm yet very relaxing massage. She’s totally stunning and as I’m lying there I...

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When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground...

I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

I'm glad the cave rescue is complete....

Now when I google Thai boys I can get back to normal results

A Hot Thai Nurse

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service in the UK, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.


As usual he was asked to...

What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman?

Pls help.

What do you call Thai food made with chicken?

Henthai

What do you call an impatient man from Bangkok who moved to the capital city of the Republic of China for a writing job, got kidnapped, covered in multicolored paint and restrained with rope?

A tied-up, tye-dyed, Type-A, Taipei-Thai typist.

Did you ever hear about the mute Thai chef?

He could wok the wok but not talk the talk.

What do you call a Thai dish that comes in and out of fashion?

Fad Thai

My Thai girlfriend said, "These sweets are Haribo."



"Then don't eat them," I replied.

I want to open a Thai/Mexican/Korean fusion restaurant

It will be called Thai Cuando.

My friend has a Thai girlfriend who is so generous

she gave him a pearl necklace.

I broke up with my Thai gf

all she fed me was Phat Lais

"How's your new Thai girlfriend, Dave?"

"Who told you her name?"

Thai Massage

A guy during his vacation to Thailand, ordered a massage session in his room, one for his wife and one for him.

After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai girl said, "Massage Pinis... Sir!"

He kept quiet ...

The Thai masseuse again said, "Massage Pinis... Sir!"

The...

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Last night I came out of a nightclub and was approached by a Thai woman.

She gave me a cheeky wink and said, "Blowjob, $20?"

I said, "Yeah, alright," and lead her into the alley.

I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two $10 notes and started pulling up her skirt.

I was driving by a Thai massage place with my friend...

He glanced over at the place and laughed, I asked him what was so funny and he told me

“Hah, they spelt “Thigh” wrong”

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My thai girlfriend says it's okay to have a small penis...

I'd prefer she didn't have one though.

A Thai Massage

A couple who once on their vacation to Thailand, ordered a Thai massage for themselves.

After providing a relaxing and invigorating massage, the masseuse asked, "Sir? Massage Peenis?".

The man looked sheepish, but kept quiet, looking shiftily at his wife.

The masseuse asked agai...

How does a Muay Thai fighter know they're going to lose?

They can smell defeat.

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I was on the bus with my gf and this smoking hot Thai chick sat next to me. I thought "don't get a boner, don't get a boner."

But she did.

I was in a Thai strip club.

After flirting with one of the workers, I suggested we go to the bathroom together.

"Ooo, what for, honey?" she winked.

I said, "Clarity."

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Paul was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend in a hotel in Pattaya

After having great sex, she spent the next hour playing with Paul's balls - rubbing, stroking and cupping them.



Eventually Paul asks "Why do you like doing that so much?"



"Because I really miss mine."

How do you call a female thai post officer.

Mai Ling

What's the difference between Thai kids and American kids?

Thai kids are trapped by water.

American kids are trapped by ICE.

I’m thinking about starting a strip club/Thai restaurant.

Gonna call it “Right between the thai’s”

I was on vacation in Bangkok

I was on vacation in Bangkok and had lunch at a restaurant called "Thai Tanic".
The restaurant's slogan was: "Food that goes down easy."

I heard the FBI and NSA is rejoicing at the rescue of those Thai students.

Now they can go back to monitoring Redditor accounts for "Thai, boys, deep, hole, wet, rubber face mask and sedatives" without all those pesky false positives.

Now that all the Thai boys were rescued, we can now joke about the situation.

But please, don't everybody go at once.

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

What's the difference between the Thai cave boys and English football?

The boys are coming home

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My thai-girlfriend told me it's ok to have a small penis

I would still prefer that she had a vagina.

What did the Thai soccer player say to the rescue diver?

I didn't want to follow the coach but I eventually caved in

The Thai Girl

One day, I decided to take a bus to work for a change. Seated across the aisle from me was a beuatiful thai girl. I thought to myself, "please don't get an erection".

But she did.

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently.

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently. He requested for two masseurs, one for him and another for his wife.

After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai massuer said, "Massage pinis". He kept ghastly quiet pretending not to have heard it.

Again, the massuer repeated h...

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A thai woman runs into a wall, what does she break?

Her boner

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Arsenal FC offered a trial for the rescued Thai football team

One of the boys Tam said "Fuck off , haven't you seen we have suffered enough already ".

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What's the worst thing about being Thai?

Everyone automatically assumes you have a small dick, even though you're a female.

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

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It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.

All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

Apple is moving its production facilities from China to Thailand.

Say hello to iPad Thai.

What do you call a room full of Thai girls?

A sausage party

As an armchair pundit, I can't help thinking the Thai team would have escaped sooner

If they'd made better use of their subs

Whats the worst thing about a Thai Masseuse Bride?

They walk all over you.

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn’t Bangkok.

Did you know that they're rebooting the Teletubbies in South-East Asia?

At first I'd read that it was due to be set in Vietnam, but then I realised that it was a Thai Po.

I was making fun of my Dad’s new Thai bride, and he wasn’t too happy about it.

My dad wasn’t too pleased either.

I keep making jokes about my dads new Thai bride. He's getting pretty sick of them.

My dads getting sick of them too.

Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave...

After all they're the world's most talented divers.

I had a race with an Asian today

It was a Thai

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