UPJOKE
thailandsiamesetaiasianbangkokmalaysianmyanmarlaoburmeseindonesiasingaporechinesenepalkoreanmalay

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An Italian, a Thai and a Jew are discussing lubricants.

The Italian says: "I am using olive oil from an ancient family grove. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for 10 minutes after we are done."

The Thai says: "I am using coconut oil made from cocnuts grown on a secret island. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for a...

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diverse joke

>An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutane...

Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy?

Something inside me says yes.

"I need to inspect your wounds" said the beautiful Thai nurse after my vasectomy

"Just to warn you, it's not uncommon to get an erection during this process, please don't be embarrassed" she said

"That's ok nurse, that will never happen to me" I said

"No" she said, "but it might happen to me."

What do you call Thai food made with chicken?

Henthai

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I was passionately kissing a Thai woman. I gently slid my hand up her thigh until I reached her panties, then I touched her crotch and I couldn't believe what I felt.

A vagina.

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.

I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."

But.....she did.

Who won the asian cooking contest?

It was a Thai

What do you call a Thai dish that comes in and out of fashion?

Fad Thai

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A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'

Hey girl are you a Thai cave?

Cuz I want to put 12 kids in you

I want to open a Thai/Mexican/Korean fusion restaurant

It will be called Thai Cuando.

Thailand and China could not agree on trade relations,

China would not accept the official Thai Baht currency, but Thailand saw that China would readily accept South Korean Won with no problems.

Thailand decided they would try to get around the issue by purchasing a large amount of Korean *Won* to use for international trading,

But China s...

As the owner of a start up gin distillery I've been trying to break into the Asian market.

Unfortunately though the Thai tonic mixes very poorly with ice.

Did you ever hear about the mute Thai chef?

He could wok the wok but not talk the talk.

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When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground...

I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.

A man goes into a Massage Parlor for his first Thai Massage

He's a little nervous because he's never gotten one before.

Before they start the woman asks him if he has any questions.

He says, "What should I expect?"

She replies, "Well you'll wear loose, comfortable clothing and lie on a mat. Traditional Thai massage uses no oils or lotio...

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Last night I came out of a nightclub and was approached by a Thai woman.

She gave me a cheeky wink and said, "Blowjob, $20?"

I said, "Yeah, alright," and lead her into the alley.

I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two $10 notes and started pulling up her skirt.

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What do thai prostitutes do?

They Bangkok

I had a Thai massage at the weekend...

Nothing dodgy - the wife had a token for one of those health clubs. So I strips down to my birthday suit and lie face down on the table. This very petite, but very gorgeous Thai girl comes in and starts to give me a very firm yet very relaxing massage. She’s totally stunning and as I’m lying there I...

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Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

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My new Thai girlfriend said a small penis shouldn't stand in the way of our love.

Still, I wish she didn't have one.

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I was sucking off my new Thai bride, last night

When I thought.. "Hang on a fuckin' minute"

Two kids from Bangkok have a race, who wins?

It's a Thai.

A Hot Thai Nurse

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service in the UK, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.


As usual he was asked to...

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I was on the bus with my gf and this smoking hot Thai chick sat next to me. I thought "don't get a boner, don't get a boner."

But she did.

I was driving by a Thai massage place with my friend...

He glanced over at the place and laughed, I asked him what was so funny and he told me

“Hah, they spelt “Thigh” wrong”

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Paul was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend in a hotel in Pattaya

After having great sex, she spent the next hour playing with Paul's balls - rubbing, stroking and cupping them.



Eventually Paul asks "Why do you like doing that so much?"



"Because I really miss mine."

Now that all the Thai boys were rescued, we can now joke about the situation.

But please, don't everybody go at once.

My friend has a Thai girlfriend who is so generous

she gave him a pearl necklace.

My Thai girlfriend said, "These sweets are Haribo."



"Then don't eat them," I replied.

I heard the FBI and NSA is rejoicing at the rescue of those Thai students.

Now they can go back to monitoring Redditor accounts for "Thai, boys, deep, hole, wet, rubber face mask and sedatives" without all those pesky false positives.

I broke up with my Thai gf

all she fed me was Phat Lais

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*nsfw* Russian

A large burly Russian man went on a holiday in Thailand. He heard about the extraordinary red light district there, where whoring is rampant. He got himself one hooker and brought her to his hotel room.

There, he began removing his clothes. First, he took off his shirt. The hooker gasps and s...

"How's your new Thai girlfriend, Dave?"

"Who told you her name?"

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn’t Bangkok.

What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman?

Pls help.

The news said that the Thai boys trapped in the cave system had no idea about the world outside following the happenings of the rescue, so I guess you could say that....

They were in the dark about their situation!

Thailand was having troubles trading with China.

China refused to accept Thailand's official currency, (the Baht) but the Thais noticed that China had no problem trading in South Korean Won.

So they made a plan to buy 3.2 trillion Won from Korea and use it as an official currency for international trade exchanges.

Unfortunately, it t...

What's the difference between Thai kids and American kids?

Thai kids are trapped by water.

American kids are trapped by ICE.

What's the difference between the Thai cave boys and English football?

The boys are coming home

How do you call a female thai post officer.

Mai Ling

As an armchair pundit, I can't help thinking the Thai team would have escaped sooner

If they'd made better use of their subs

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A thai woman runs into a wall, what does she break?

Her boner

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My thai-girlfriend told me it's ok to have a small penis

I would still prefer that she had a vagina.

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There was an American man who lived in Thailand and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time.

Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis

Freaked out, he went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 day...

I was making fun of my Dad’s new Thai bride, and he wasn’t too happy about it.

My dad wasn’t too pleased either.

I’m thinking about starting a strip club/Thai restaurant.

Gonna call it “Right between the thai’s”

My dad made a Vietnamese/Thai fusion dish the other day...

It was Tom-Phocurry.

Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave...

After all they're the world's most talented divers.

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

What did the businessman wear to the thai restaurant?

A plaid tie.

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It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.

All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

I was in a Thai strip club.

After flirting with one of the workers, I suggested we go to the bathroom together.

"Ooo, what for, honey?" she winked.

I said, "Clarity."

I bought a shabby little place in Bangkok above a nice restaurant.

It was a bad Thai pad, but good pad Thai

What did the Thai soccer player say to the rescue diver?

I didn't want to follow the coach but I eventually caved in

Races between Myanmar and Laos

Are usually Thais

A Thai Massage

A couple who once on their vacation to Thailand, ordered a Thai massage for themselves.

After providing a relaxing and invigorating massage, the masseuse asked, "Sir? Massage Peenis?".

The man looked sheepish, but kept quiet, looking shiftily at his wife.

The masseuse asked agai...

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently.

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently. He requested for two masseurs, one for him and another for his wife.

After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai massuer said, "Massage pinis". He kept ghastly quiet pretending not to have heard it.

Again, the massuer repeated h...

It was 11 years ago today.

My buddy James came running into the room, tears streaming down his face, and shouting,

“It’s a boy! It’s a boy!”


Needless to say, we never went back to Thailand.

Why have no Italians ever lost an eating contest at a Thai restaurant?

Because even if they eat less, they can still say “its-a Thai!”.

I was going to work this morning and sat across from a really hot Thai girl on the train. I kept blushing and sweating and thinking "Please don't get a hard-on".

But she did.

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TIFU by not wanting to get a boner

Obligatory this happened yesterday.

So I was sitting on the train in front of this beautiful Thai girl. Nice cleavage, short skirt and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my life.

I started feeling blood rushing to my man parts, as I was praying "please don't get a boner, please ...

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Arsenal FC offered a trial for the rescued Thai football team

One of the boys Tam said "Fuck off , haven't you seen we have suffered enough already ".

I keep making jokes about my dads new Thai bride. He's getting pretty sick of them.

My dads getting sick of them too.

Three friends married women from different parts of the world…

The first man married a Greek woman. He told her that she was to do the dishes and clean the house. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and the dishes washed and put away…

The second man married a Thai woman. He gave his wife orders that she was to...

What do you call a room full of Thai girls?

A sausage party

What’s a frog’s favorite food?

Lillypad thai

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