UPJOKE
singaporeindiamalaythailandmalaysiaasianmalayanbahasa melayuchinabahasa malaysiamalaccaaseanthaisoutheast asiasouth china sea

I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes...

The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames
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A Chinese Official invites a Malaysian Official to his house

The Malaysian official is in awe that the Chinese official's house is a big and luxurious mansion, so he ask him how did he manage to own such an estate with a public servant's salary.

The Chinese man take him to the balcony, and points to a half built bridge.

"See that bridge? I used ...
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I wrote a joke on Malaysian flight MH370...

....but don't know where it went.
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There is a Malaysian '80s cover band called "The Union."

What were they thinking, not going with "Durian Durian"?
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The Malaysian Space Program

One day, the Malaysians decided to launch their first space program and to send a man in a rocket out into space. Since they recognised that this was a dangerous journey, they decided to ask their final three candidates, an Indian, a Malay and a Chinese man, how much of a bonus would they need to gi...
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A Malaysian man buys a new phone...

He puts it on airplane mode. Now he cant seem to find it anywhere.
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The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor

Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370...

And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.
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Malaysian Airlines and United should merge

That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Why don't Malaysian TV shows get commissioned?

Because they all have terrible pilots.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beautiful woman

A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.

He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for ...

How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks?

On the rocks
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An American, Russian and Malaysian are having a conversation

The American says: "We have the best stealth planes ever. We can fly our B-2 stealth bomber over Beijing and the Chinese will never see."

The Russian, not willing to be out done, says "We also have good stealth planes, so stealthy like Khrushchev and very accurate. 100% not bootleg."

T...
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Dark jokes are like Malaysian Airlines flights

They're either hit or miss.
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Last time I flew Malaysian Airlines I didn't shower first

I just figured that I'd wash up on the beach instead.
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Why has the Malaysian Government banned Cheese Boards?

Because people keep reporting they've found de brie.
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What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.
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What do you call a robotic transforming Malaysian airliner?

If it's evil, a Deceptigone. If not, an Autobottomoftheocean

Shamelessly stolen from [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/38i70d/what_would_be_the_worst_machine_that_a/crv9i7p)
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"My wife got hurt after annoying the marsupials on our trip to a Malaysian zoo."

""Kuala Lumpar?"
"No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

The Malaysian athletes at the Commonwealth Games are looking very nervous

Must be thinking about the flight home already.
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Likely only Malaysians will get it but since I always forget jokes that pop in my mind, I've decided to just post it here

A very frustrated Malaysian wife looks at her indecisive Spanish husband and says, "Jose, if you don't decide on a name right now, for our still unnamed 2 year old son, I'm giving him up for adoption!"

With a smirk on his face, Jose yells back, "Fine honey, you decide then, Juan or Don Juan ....
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Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea

Malaysian airlines 103
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"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."

Said the Malaysian shark.
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What is empty and spins round and round?

A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.
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What did one ocean say to the other?

"Check out this awesome plane I got! I hear Malaysian is a pretty rare brand."

"Nah man, they aren't; I got one too."
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one of the best documentarys

ive ever watched on netflix is about a chinese couple who didnt board the Malaysian flight 370 (one that disappeared) when they should have done. All sorts of conspiracy theories. worth a watch, highly recommended.

It's called 2 wongs dont make a flight
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Four men walk into an upmarket bar...

One is Malaysian, one Laotian, one Burmese and the other Vietnamese. As they walk in, the doorman stops them and says, "sorry gentlemen, I can't let you in without a Thai."
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

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