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Chinese Food Jokes

Job description: Cook Chinese food for government officials.

Federal Asian.

What does 2,000 pounds of Chinese food weigh?

Won ton.

Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food...

Will cost you a fortune.

Why does Fozzie Bear make lots of Chinese food ?

He loves to use his wokka wokka!

Ordered Chinese food last night

When the delivery guy showed up to deliver it I went out to meet him saw it was a little Chinese man and he started shouting isolate isolate I looked at him and laughed and said you're not late it's only been 15 minutes since I ordered

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies.

Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”

His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

Why can't paraplegics cook Chinese food?

Because they can't "wok."

Note: May be cheesy and offensive, but I coined this joke when humor could be silly and irreverent, and y'all were begging for non-reposts.

After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside!

It was unfortunate.

The fortune cookie I got with my chinese food today was weird...

It said, ”FREE ME FROM THIS FACTORY
Lucky Numbers 23.5° N, 121.0° E”

Chinese Food is amazing

but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice

How does Curly Howard respond when asked if he wants Chinese food for dinner?

Why Soy-tainly!

It’s strange disliking Chinese food while having an Asian Fetish

I’d like to eat out Chinese but I hate eating out Chinese

I ordered 2205lbs of Chinese food the other day...

It was Wonton

I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food.

He said "aw that's lo, mein."

A Chinese food place tried to charge me for 1,000kg worth of food

The server told me she thought I had ordered the one tonne soup.

My favorite Chinese food place is closed for COVID19.

The sign said they would wok from home.

Why is it hard to make chinese food?

Because it takes a lot of wok

Have you ever had German Chinese food?

An hour after you eat it, you’re hungry for power.

I destroyed a bag of leftover Chinese food

It was an act of won ton destruction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How I eat Chinese food and how I have sex are exactly the same.

As hard as I can for 5 minutes, a 20 minute break, as hard as I can for 5 minutes, then a look of disgust.

What do Chinese food and entropy calculations have in common?

they both feature some dim sums

My girlfriend is amazing, she is a Chinese food chef

So shes very Lo Mein-tenance

What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright?

Dim Sum.

How do you make the best Americanized Chinese food?

Like Tso.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The materials we put into our stomach should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But... There is one thing that is the more dangerous to all us...

What do you call an easy lifestyle revolving around eating Chinese food?

Lo Meintenance

I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet...

They use an e-wok.

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.

Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Ha...

I was just minding my business at lunch when a police officer came and took a handful of my Chinese food...

it was a blatant violation of my rice.

Heaven and Hell

Heaven is:

Indian wife

Chinese food

British home

American salary


Hell is:

American wife

British food

Chinese home

Indian salary

Just the setup. Do your own punchline

I don't do standup but thought of a hell of a setup with nowhere else to put it and no way to finish it. So here it is.



You ever order Chinese food for yourself and get insulted by the number of fortune cookies they give you?

Quasimodo's mother returns from grocery shopping with, among the groceries, a large steel wok.

"Oh, mummy, this is wonderful," says Quasimodo. "I just love Chinese food!"

"It's not for cooking," says his mother, "it's for ironing your shirts."

Spanish Dad Joke

A mexican father and son were at the mall and the son finally convinced his dad to try Chinese food.
"But it's so dry!" said the father.
"No it's not, they put lots of stuff on their plates," replied the son.
"Like what?" the father asked.
"Soy Sauce" he answered.
The fathe...

A Mexican, an American, and a Chinese are in a plane.

A Mexican man, an American man, and a Chinese man are in a plane. All of a sudden the plane starts to go down because there is too much weight. The 3 men decide to throw away some of the things in the plane. They each throw away things that there are lots of in their country. The Chinese man say "I ...

Jesus is the answer.

The question is "Who's cooking my Chinese food?"

Chinese takeout

Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Jewish Year is 5776. As of yesterday, the Chinese year is 4714...

That means Jews had to exist for 1,062 years without Chinese Food. They call this time, "The Dark Age."

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