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Circumcision Jokes

What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision?

I need to know the cutoff date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an accidental circumcision?

Unforeskin circumstances.

Make sure you pay full price for a circumcision.

You wouldn't want to get ripped off.

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

Did you hear about the blind rabbi that missed when he was trying to perform a circumcision?

He got the sack!

Badum tiss.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:

“When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the mi...

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I had a friend that was born without eyelids, his doctor used the foreskin from his circumcision to make him some.

The surgery was a great success, he's just a little cock eyed.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

The worst thing about circumcision is paying full price..

..and still having to leave a tip

If you are ever looking for some advice, you should contact a surgeon specialising in circumcision.

They have plenty of tips.

I have invented a machine for automated circumcision

The technology is cutting edge.

What do you do after a circumcision?

You leave a tip

The one thing they never mentioned in circumcision school ...

... was that the job has a lot of drawbacks.

A doctor specializing in circumcision is about to retire...

Over the years he has kept all the foreskins and approaches a leather smith to see if he can make them into something.

A few weeks later the leather smith delivers a small wallet to the doctor, the doctor is confused saying "I gave you loads of foreskins and you only made this tiny wallet?"...

Why shouldn't a doctor be sleepy when he's performing a circumcision?

He might hit the sack.

„Whoa your circumcision looks horrible“ …

„Yeah my parents went for the cheap one...it was a rip off“

I can't believe my doctor charged me $20,000 for a circumcision! He didn't even do it right.

What a rip-off.

What’s the difference between a circumcision and a divorce?

In a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick.

Why did the circumcision doctor quit when he hadn’t gotten his paycheck yet?

He already had all the tips he needed.

I went for a circumcision and the surgeon forgot his scalpel.

Still managed to pull it off though

Circumcisions are painful.

When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Hillbilly circumcision

Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly ?

Ans. You kick his sister in the jaw

The Circumcision Surgeon

A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision.

Throughout his career, he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir.

He takes his specimens to a leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them.

A...

My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent.

I told him no hard feelings.

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they gi...

someone offered me a cheap circumcision so i accepted

it was a ripoff

Watched an episode of a classic sitcom last night. The episode dealt with the topic of circumcision. I didn't enjoy watching it...

I hate when sitcoms run clip shows.

Callum’s Seafood Restaurant and Circumcision Clinic

Where yesterday’s cut is today’s calamari!

New Band Name Idea: Suspicious Circumcision

They do mostly deep cuts.

circumcision?

I over head these two guys in a bar one night, in their 30's, discussing the subject of Circumcision.

One guy was dead set on getting it done , since his parents didn't have that done for him.

I couldn't help but to get in that convo.

I said,

"I would recommend against...

What’s a failed circumcision called

A Beheading

Why did the Jewish doctor accidentally perform a circumcision?

It was a Freudian snip

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The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and...

If you're ever getting a circumcision don't go for the cheap option

It's usually a rip off

I've never heard a good circumcision joke.

They always get cut off right at the end.

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A Jew, Muslim and Christian are in a bar

A Jew, Muslim and Christian are in a bar. They are arguing about which religion is the best at recruiting new followers. In the end they all decide to each go into the woods over the week and find a bear. They are then to try and convert that bear to their religion.
A week goes by and they all me...

Circumcision is a painful procedure to inflict on a newborn.

After I was circumcised I couldn't walk for a year.

Show me a man who is anti circumcision

And I'll show you a complete prick.

I got hard during circumcision

It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.

I am seriously considering reversing my circumcision.

Anybody have any tips?

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They say that circumcision doesn't hurt the baby...

But fuck me, I didn't walk for a year after.

"Rabbi, could you please perform a circumcision for my son"

Rabbi :"What's his age ? "

Man : "8 years "

Rabbi :" what? That's way past the usual cut off date "

How much do you pay a circumcision specialist?

However much you want... they work on tips.

Why did the priest not charge for doing circumcision's?

He got to keep the tips.

What do you call a discount on a circumcision and a vasectomy at the same time?

A package deal



I’ll see myself out

The author of a number of vehemently anti-circumcision books goes to get a haircut...

Barber: “And what would you like?”

Author: “Just a little off the top please”

I asked my Rabbi if he charged for his Circumcision.

He told me no he just keeps the tips.

What did the Rabbi say as he was finishing up a circumcision?

It won't be long now.

Some say we should end the practice of male circumcision

Personally I think they're making a mountain out of a mohel.

A Russian Doctor invented circumcision

Dr Ivan Karchakokov

My new job in the circumcision ward pays great and has great prospects...

20 skins a day and a chance to get ahead.

What does a cheap circumcision have in common with a really expensive one?

They’re both rip offs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Jews practice circumcision?

They can't resist 10% off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Jews start circumcision?

Because Jewish women can’t resist anything that’s 20% off.

Stephen Spielberg's Circumcision....

...the Directors Cut

I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.

It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.

How do you perform a circumcision?

Consult your doctor, only a professional knows how to pull it off.

The high prices in the stores are like a cheap circumcision...

A rip-off

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.


Bonus: Also, how do you circumcise a red neck?

Kick his sister in the jaw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Circumcision Joke [nsfw]

A mohel (for those who don't know, a mohel/moyel/mohil is a Jewish person trained as a circumciser for the bris) is about to retire and calls his friend in to tell him the news. His friend said "Why that's wonderful news, you've spent many a year behind the knife, I bet you'll be glad to retire." ...

A rabbi performs a circumcision...

A rabbi performs a circumcision but, absentmindedly, puts the foreskin in his pocket.

After the ceremony, he joins the family to celebrate at a local restaurant.

As they are leaving, the rabbi finds the foreskin still in his pocket and comes back into the restaurant to dispose of it....

I took my kid in for a circumcision the other day and noticed they had a tip jar...

...it was disgusting.

The longest circumcision in history

I had this mate and he used to go on about it his job all the time, you know the type? Work, work, work! Well this was particularly annoying in his case, as he was a professional circumciser.

I said to him one day do you enjoy your work? And off he went...

He said yes it’s a fantasti...

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