Circumcision Jokes - 56 Hilarious Circumcision Jokes

What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision?

I need to know the cutoff date.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:

“When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the mi...

The worst thing about circumcision is paying full price..

..and still having to leave a tip

Make sure you pay full price for a circumcision.

You wouldn't want to get ripped off.

Did you hear about the blind rabbi that missed when he was trying to perform a circumcision?

He got the sack!

Badum tiss.

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What do you call an accidental circumcision?

Unforeskin circumstances.

If you are ever looking for some advice, you should contact a surgeon specialising in circumcision.

They have plenty of tips.

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I had a friend that was born without eyelids, his doctor used the foreskin from his circumcision to make him some.

The surgery was a great success, he's just a little eyed.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

The one thing they never mentioned in circumcision school ...

... was that the job has a lot of drawbacks.

I have invented a machine for automated circumcision

The technology is cutting edge.

„Whoa your circumcision looks horrible“ …

„Yeah my parents went for the cheap one...it was a rip off“

What do you do after a circumcision?

You leave a tip

I can't believe my doctor charged me $20,000 for a circumcision! He didn't even do it right.

What a rip-off.

Why shouldn't a doctor be sleepy when he's performing a circumcision?

He might hit the sack.

I went for a circumcision and the surgeon forgot his scalpel.

Still managed to pull it off though

Circumcisions are painful.

When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year

Why did the circumcision doctor quit when he hadn’t gotten his paycheck yet?

He already had all the tips he needed.

Hillbilly circumcision

Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly ?

Ans. You kick his sister in the jaw

What’s the difference between a circumcision and a divorce?

In a divorce, you get rid of the whole .

My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent.

I told him no hard feelings.

Watched an episode of a classic sitcom last night. The episode dealt with the topic of circumcision. I didn't enjoy watching it...

I hate when sitcoms run clip shows.

Callum’s Seafood Restaurant and Circumcision Clinic

Where yesterday’s cut is today’s calamari!

Why did the Jewish doctor accidentally perform a circumcision?

It was a Freudian snip

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A Jew, Muslim and Christian are in a bar

A Jew, Muslim and Christian are in a bar. They are arguing about which religion is the best at recruiting new followers. In the end they all decide to each go into the woods over the week and find a bear. They are then to try and convert that bear to their religion.
A week goes by and they all me...

someone offered me a cheap circumcision so i accepted

it was a ripoff

What’s a failed circumcision called

A Beheading

New Band Name Idea: Suspicious Circumcision

They do mostly deep cuts.

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The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and...

If you're ever getting a circumcision don't go for the cheap option

It's usually a rip off

I've never heard a good circumcision joke.

They always get cut off right at the end.

Circumcision is a painful procedure to inflict on a newborn.

After I was circumcised I couldn't walk for a year.

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they gi...

circumcision?

I over head these two guys in a bar one night, in their 30's, discussing the subject of Circumcision.

One guy was dead set on getting it done , since his parents didn't have that done for him.

I couldn't help but to get in that convo.

I said,

"I would recommend against...

I am seriously considering reversing my circumcision.

Anybody have any tips?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that circumcision doesn't hurt the baby...

But me, I didn't walk for a year after.

How much do you pay a circumcision specialist?

However much you want... they work on tips.

Why did the priest not charge for doing circumcision's?

He got to keep the tips.

Show me a man who is anti circumcision

And I'll show you a complete .

What do you call a discount on a circumcision and a vasectomy at the same time?

A package deal

I’ll see myself out

Some say we should end the practice of male circumcision

Personally I think they're making a mountain out of a mohel.

The author of a number of vehemently anti-circumcision books goes to get a haircut...

Barber: “And what would you like?”

Author: “Just a little off the top please”

I asked my Rabbi if he charged for his Circumcision.

He told me no he just keeps the tips.

What did the Rabbi say as he was finishing up a circumcision?

It won't be long now.

"Rabbi, could you please perform a circumcision for my son"

Rabbi :"What's his age ? "

Man : "8 years "

Rabbi :" what? That's way past the usual cut off date "

A Russian Doctor invented circumcision

Dr Ivan Karchakokov

I got hard during circumcision

It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.

Stephen Spielberg's Circumcision....

...the Directors Cut

My new job in the circumcision ward pays great and has great prospects...

20 skins a day and a chance to get ahead.

What does a cheap circumcision have in common with a really expensive one?

They’re both rip offs.

How do you perform a circumcision?

Consult your doctor, only a professional knows how to pull it off.

The high prices in the stores are like a cheap circumcision...

A rip-off

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

Bonus: Also, how do you circumcise a red neck?

Kick his sister in the jaw

I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.

It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.

A rabbi performs a circumcision...

A rabbi performs a circumcision but, absentmindedly, puts the foreskin in his pocket.

After the ceremony, he joins the family to celebrate at a local restaurant.

As they are leaving, the rabbi finds the foreskin still in his pocket and comes back into the restaurant to dispose of it....

I took my kid in for a circumcision the other day and noticed they had a tip jar...

...it was disgusting.

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