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Menstrual Jokes

I met a woman at the bar and asked to take her home

She said I'm on my menstrual cycle, I said that's okay I'll follow you on my Honda

I once made a movie about menstrual cycles in Elizabethan England.

It was a period piece.

No more menstrual jokes

Period

A quick conversation between a man and his Bene Gesserit girlfriend, who was going through menstrual cramps.

"What's in the box?"

"Pain."

I was going to make a pun about Elizabeth the 1st's menstrual cycle...

But I don't like making period jokes, because not everyone gets them.

A school finally decided it's ok to show their students a documentary about menstrual cycles.

It was about bloody time.

A woman 14 days into her menstrual cycle starred in a Broadway play

She got a standing ovulation

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the definition of a menstrual period ?

A bloody waste of fucking time.

A guy gets too drunk while playing golf and forgets what hole he’s on

He sees a woman ahead of him and yells “what hole am I on?”

She says “you must be on the hole behind me and I’m on 5, so you must be on 4.”

He plays a few holes and forgets again. He sees her and yells “hey, what hole am I on now?”

She says “you’re on the hole behind me and I’m ...

what is the menstrual cycle?

So this dude asked his friend: what is the menstrual cycle?

His friend replied: I don't know man, but it seems very serious.

What do you mean?

I heared my sister telling my parents that she hadn't had hers for a couple of months.

Now, my sister is crying, my mother is i...

Women complaining about menstrual cramps...

...are simply ovary acting.

Have you heard about the female rapper who only battled during her menstrual cicle?

Thay say she has a mean flow

What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?

I can't gargle sand.

Did you know that the consistency of a woman's menstrual fluid is varies greatly based on her diet?

It's a viscous cycle.

You see that movie about Queen Victoria's first menstrual cycle?

I thought it was bloody good and I normally don't care for period dramas.

Did you hear about the screening of that documentary movie on Menstrual cycle?

The audience gave it a standing ovulation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A menstrual pad goes to school where she got bullied by two tampons

The toilet roll walked up to her and told the menstrual pad “Don’t listen to them, They’re both stuck up cunts”

Why does it take five pre-menstrual women to change a lightbulb?

LOOK IT JUST DOES OKAY?

New documentary about the female menstrual cycle.

Available exclusively at Redbox.

A woman lost so much menstrual blood she ended up unconscious for several weeks in a hospital.

I hate it when I intend a period but end up with a coma.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent scientific study revealed that women found different male attributes attractive depending on where they were in their menstrual cycle.

For example, a woman ovulating found men with rugged masculine features most attractive.
Whereas a woman menstruating preferred men doused in petrol, set on fire with scissors stuck in his eyes, an axe in his skull and a javelin stuck up his arse.

There once was a vampire named Mabel...

Whose menstrual period was stable.

So one week in four

She'd slip to the floor

And drink herself under the table.

What kind of bikes do girls ride?

Menstrual Cycles
(I'm 99% sure I made this up!)

What's the most common vehicle used to run men over?

The menstrual cycle!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a biker chick for a while

It got quite annoying as once a month she would jump on her menstrual cycle and run me the fuck over!

Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:

1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.

Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.

Country boy gets lucky

A young man from the country heads to the city to seek new employment. While he is successful, he is lonely and decides to go to a bar to seek out some female companionship. While not terribly skilled at conversation, he manages to gain the interest of an attractive young lady seated at the bar. ...

Guy: Can I walk you home?

Girl : No point, I'm on my menstrual cycle.
Guy: That's OK, I'll run behind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Groundbreaking Study

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is...

Red alert

A Soldier Was Given A Three-Day Leave To Attend To His Newly Wedded Wife But On Getting Home, He Realized That His Wife Was In Her Menstrual Period.

So He Decided To Send A Telegram To His Headquarter To Extend His Leave But With His Mother-In-Law And Other Visitors Around, He Decided To Code...

Short joke my dad used to tell me

A man sees a pretty girl in a bar and asks if she wants to go back to his place.

"I can't," she says, "I'm on my menstrual cycle."

He leans over and says, "That's okay, I brought my moped."

My Place?

This beautiful woman was sitting at the end of the bar one night. This guy sitting at the other end sees her, he has had a few drinks and decides to go over and talk to her. After a few more drinks together they start getting touchy feely with each other. After making out, the guy looks deep into he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man at the local bar is very drunk...

A man at the local bar is very drunk and he is asking every single woman at the bar if she would like to go home and have sex with him.
After hours of failure, he tries again and much to his surprise, the woman agrees.
They leave the bar and start walking towards the parking lot, laughing and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lounge owner is looking for a new pianist...

A man comes in to audition for the owner. He asks, "Is it alright if I play an original piece?"

The owner says, "That's fine. Begin whenever you're ready."

The man plays a beautiful score. The owner is so moved and overcome with emotion he can barely contain himself. When the pianist f...

There was this really talented female painter

and one day she painted this magnificent painting inspired by medieval times of a ball. It was filled with lords and ladies dancing with each other, a table filled with food for the feast, fools entertaining, and men in armor standing guard. She was so proud of this picture she called her friend ove...

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