I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton"

He's going to be an absolute unit!

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A pregnant woman was shot 3 times in the stomach.

She survived, luckily enough, and so were her unborn children. Triplets, she found out soon enough. Two girls and a boy.

They were born with absolutely no problems, healthy babies and unaffected by the trauma.

Fast forward 13 years, she's sitting in her kitchen, enjoying a cup of coff...

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What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

I told my wife I wanted to name our unborn son Obvious.

She said, "That's a stupid name."

I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."

A couple is anxiously waiting to hear the results of a medical test for their unborn child. The doctor says: "I will start with the good news;

Your child will always find a parking space."

What do a 14 year old redneck and her unborn baby have in common?

The Father

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Three pregnant women knitting sweaters for their unborn kids.

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their unborn kids. The first woman says “I hope my baby is a boy, I’m using blue wool”. The second woman says “I’m hoping for a girl, my sweater is pink”. The third woman says quietly “Weeeelllll, I hope my kid is deformed..I’ve fucked up the arms!”.

We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"

maybe then republicans would want to save it.

I saw two unborn fetuses making out.

So I said “would you two get a womb?”

What's the similarity between the unborn Chinese female and this joke?

[removed]

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Three woman have a chat about the sex of their unborn babies.

The brunette says I'm sure I'm having a boy. My husband came in me while he was on top.

The redhead says I'm sure I'm having a girl. I was on top when my husband came in me.

The blonde starts crying.

What's wrong the other girls ask.

I don't want to have puppies!!

An unborn child was charged with a crime it didn't commit and sentenced to death

Both sides argued it was a miscarriage of justice.

I thought my unborn baby might have a fever, so I stuck in a thermometer.

Turns out she was womb-temperature.

Why can't you fool an unborn fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday..

What do you call it when my girlfriend kills 250 million unborn children

A Swallocaust. I'm not proud of myself.

What did the group of unborn babies say when they were hungry?

Fetus.

Two unborn twins are talking to each other

- Look, our father is coming.
- No, that’s our uncle
- How can you tell?
- Uncle always wears coat.

What do you call an unborn rabbit?

An ingrown hare.

I don't like trying to contact our unborn child.

But my wife gets a kick out of it.

My gym just sold me a lifetime gym membership for our unborn baby.

I hope it works out.

What do you call an unborn child that is excessively ready to accept failure?

A defetus

The Baby Brother

For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped tell...

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I was at a deli when the waitress asked me “What would you like?”

I said, “I want to DEVOUR THE UNBORN!”

Waitress: What the fuck?

Me: Eggs. I want eggs.

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

Once upon a time

in a far away land there was a noble king and his beautiful, pregnant wife. The king was much loved by his people, but he had an intensely jealous brother. Envious that the birth of the prince would mean he would never rule, the brother sought the help of an evil witch. The witch cursed the unborn c...

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A woman, pregnant with triplets, is walking down the street...

...in a very bad part of town. Out of the blue, a car rolls by and opens gunfire on the house behind her. Despite her best efforts, the woman took three bullets to her stomach and was rushed to the hospital.

The doctors did everything they could to save the woman and her three unborn childre...

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Three Pregnant Women Are Sitting On A Bench

And each of them is knitting a sweater for their unborn child. The first mother digs into her purse pops a pill and says, “That was some Vitamin A, and my child will grow up to be big and strong!” The second woman also reaches into her purse – swallows a pill and exclaims, “That was Vitamin C, and m...

One fine day, down at the local diner.

A waitress taking the breakfast order of a mother and her young son is startled when the little boy looks up at her and growls in a low, deep voice:

**"I want to consume the flesh of swine, and the unborn."**

His mother shakes her head, sighs, and says, "Bacon and eggs. He want...

I don't know if this been here before

What have twelve years old girl, who just figured out that she's pregnant, common with her unborn child?



They both think "My mum probably gonna kill me"

Guy walks into a bar, orders 2 shots. Dumps one on the ground.

Bartender asks who it was for. Guy replies "my unborn child"
"Sorry to hear man, what happened?" Asked the bartender.
Guy looked him square in the eye "dried up in a sock."

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A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

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A pregnant woman is at the bank when it gets robbed and she is shot 3 times as the criminals leave.

She is sent to the doctor who tells her that miraculously she and the unborn babes are fine but the bullets have been incorporated into the children. No need to worry they are fine and will pass the bullets naturally as they grow. Many years go bye and the oldest daughter comes running to the mother...

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A rich man impregnates his girlfriend

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend, and this angers her father. To set everything right, the father invites her boyfriend over. The man arrives in a Lamborghini and steps out in a Stuart Hughes suit, and then walks into the house.

"Is this the pig that got my daughter pregnant?" The fathe...

I work at a restaurant...

I work at a restaurant. A woman and her young son came walking through the door early in the morning.

I immediately approached after they were seated and asked,"What will it be today?"

The young boy was quick to exclaim,"I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN!!!"

There was a long silence....

A woman pregnant with triplets catches three stray bullets from a drive-by shooting.

In the emergency room, a doctor tells her she and her unborn children will be fine but they could not remove the bullets. He informs her all is well and the children, two girls and a boy, will pee the bullets out in around 16 years.

So around the 16th year, the mother is in the kitchen making...

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A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night...

A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night when her husband, who has been out hunting all day comes home empty handed. As he leans over to kiss her, three bullets fall out of his pocket and into the stew. The husband and wife are unaware and dinner is served. With the first s...

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next ti...

A man is sitting at a bar and asks for 3 shots

He takes one shot and says "these two are for my unborn children that never made it."
"Pregnancy complications?" Asked the bartender.
"No..." said the man, "they dried up in a sock."

Cry, the beloved country,

for the unborn ape that is the inheritor of our fear.

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Three very pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of the OB/GYN office...

In order to pass the time, all three women are knitting sweaters for their unborn babies.

The first mom puts down her knitting supplies, reaches into her purse, pulls out some pre-natal vitamins and says, "Good for mom, good for baby!" She downs a couple pills, and the two other moms nod and...

I'm going out of this world the way I came in it...

Inside a drunk college drop out covered in the blood of an unborn twin.

Triplets

One night a woman pregnant with triplets gets mugged for her purse. She fights back and the guy shoots her three times in the stomach. At the hospital the doctors tell her that she'll be fine and so will her unborn daughters and son, but that they couldn't remove the bullets without harming the babi...

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