Unborn Jokes - 31 Hilarious Unborn Jokes

I told my wife I wanted to name our unborn son Obvious.

She said, "That's a stupid name."

I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."

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What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh , my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

Americans care about Ukrainians like my parents care about unborn children

Enough to donate a couple bucks, but not enough to adopt one.

The gym just sold me a lifetime membership for my unborn baby.

I hope it works out.

I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton"

He's going to be an absolute unit!

We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"

maybe then republicans would want to save it.

How do unborn chickens feel when you rub them on the carpet?

Egg-static!

What do you call it when my girlfriend kills 250 million unborn children

A Swallocaust. I'm not proud of myself.

What do a 14 year old redneck and her unborn baby have in common?

The Father

I saw two unborn fetuses making out.

So I said “would you two get a womb?”

Why can't you fool an unborn fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday..

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Three pregnant women knitting sweaters for their unborn kids.

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their unborn kids. The first woman says “I hope my baby is a boy, I’m using blue wool”. The second woman says “I’m hoping for a girl, my sweater is pink”. The third woman says quietly “Weeeelllll, I hope my kid is deformed..I’ve fucked up the arms!”.

What do you call unborn twins?

Wombmates.

What do you call an unborn rabbit?

An ingrown hare.

Two unborn twins are talking to each other

- Look, our father is coming.
- No, that’s our uncle
- How can you tell?
- Uncle always wears coat.

What did the group of unborn babies say when they were hungry?

Fetus.

An unborn child was charged with a crime it didn't commit and sentenced to death

Both sides argued it was a miscarriage of justice.

I don't like trying to contact our unborn child.

But my wife gets a kick out of it.

I thought my unborn baby might have a fever, so I stuck in a thermometer.

Turns out she was womb-temperature.

What do you call an unborn child that is excessively ready to accept failure?

A defetus

A couple is anxiously waiting to hear the results of a medical test for their unborn child. The doctor says: "I will start with the good news;

Your child will always find a parking space."

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

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I was at a deli when the waitress asked me “What would you like?”

I said, “I want to DEVOUR THE UNBORN!”

Waitress: What the ?

Me: Eggs. I want eggs.

The Baby Brother

For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped tell...

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A rich man impregnates his girlfriend

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend, and this angers her father. To set everything right, the father invites her boyfriend over. The man arrives in a Lamborghini and steps out in a Stuart Hughes suit, and then walks into the house.

"Is this the pig that got my daughter pregnant?" The fathe...

I work at a restaurant...

I work at a restaurant. A woman and her young son came walking through the door early in the morning.

I immediately approached after they were seated and asked,"What will it be today?"

The young boy was quick to exclaim,"I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN!!!"

There was a long silence....

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A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

I'm going out of this world the way I came in it...

Inside a drunk college drop out covered in the blood of an unborn twin.

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next ti...

Once upon a time

in a far away land there was a noble king and his beautiful, pregnant wife. The king was much loved by his people, but he had an intensely jealous brother. Envious that the birth of the prince would mean he would never rule, the brother sought the help of an evil witch. The witch cursed the unborn c...

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Three very pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of the OB/GYN office...

In order to pass the time, all three women are knitting sweaters for their unborn babies.

The first mom puts down her knitting supplies, reaches into her purse, pulls out some pre-natal vitamins and says, "Good for mom, good for baby!" She downs a couple pills, and the two other moms nod and...

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