UPJOKE
beargrizzlybruinbearablebearishbearerbearlyursinepandaursidaeabearforthbearcarrybearskinoutbear

I told my wife I wanted to name our unborn son Obvious.

She said, "That's a stupid name."

I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

Americans care about Ukrainians like my parents care about unborn children

Enough to donate a couple bucks, but not enough to adopt one.
upvote downvote report

The gym just sold me a lifetime membership for my unborn baby.

I hope it works out.
upvote downvote report

I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton"

He's going to be an absolute unit!
upvote downvote report

We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"

maybe then republicans would want to save it.
upvote downvote report

How do unborn chickens feel when you rub them on the carpet?

Egg-static!
upvote downvote report

What's the similarity between the unborn Chinese female and this joke?

[removed]
upvote downvote report

What do you call it when my girlfriend kills 250 million unborn children

A Swallocaust. I'm not proud of myself.
upvote downvote report

What do a 14 year old redneck and her unborn baby have in common?

The Father
upvote downvote report

I saw two unborn fetuses making out.

So I said “would you two get a womb?”
upvote downvote report

Why can't you fool an unborn fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday..

upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women knitting sweaters for their unborn kids.

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their unborn kids. The first woman says “I hope my baby is a boy, I’m using blue wool”. The second woman says “I’m hoping for a girl, my sweater is pink”. The third woman says quietly “Weeeelllll, I hope my kid is deformed..I’ve fucked up the arms!”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman was shot 3 times in the stomach.

She survived, luckily enough, and so were her unborn children. Triplets, she found out soon enough. Two girls and a boy.

They were born with absolutely no problems, healthy babies and unaffected by the trauma.

Fast forward 13 years, she's sitting in her kitchen, enjoying a cup of coff...

What do you call unborn twins?

Wombmates.
upvote downvote report

What do you call an unborn rabbit?

An ingrown hare.
upvote downvote report

Two unborn twins are talking to each other

- Look, our father is coming.
- No, that’s our uncle
- How can you tell?
- Uncle always wears coat.
upvote downvote report

What did the group of unborn babies say when they were hungry?

Fetus.
upvote downvote report

An unborn child was charged with a crime it didn't commit and sentenced to death

Both sides argued it was a miscarriage of justice.
upvote downvote report

I don't like trying to contact our unborn child.

But my wife gets a kick out of it.
upvote downvote report

I thought my unborn baby might have a fever, so I stuck in a thermometer.

Turns out she was womb-temperature.
upvote downvote report

What do you call an unborn child that is excessively ready to accept failure?

A defetus
upvote downvote report

A couple is anxiously waiting to hear the results of a medical test for their unborn child. The doctor says: "I will start with the good news;

Your child will always find a parking space."
upvote downvote report

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a deli when the waitress asked me “What would you like?”

I said, “I want to DEVOUR THE UNBORN!”

Waitress: What the fuck?

Me: Eggs. I want eggs.

The Baby Brother

For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped tell...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend, and this angers her father. To set everything right, the father invites her boyfriend over. The man arrives in a Lamborghini and steps out in a Stuart Hughes suit, and then walks into the house.

"Is this the pig that got my daughter pregnant?" The fathe...

I work at a restaurant...

I work at a restaurant. A woman and her young son came walking through the door early in the morning.

I immediately approached after they were seated and asked,"What will it be today?"

The young boy was quick to exclaim,"I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN!!!"

There was a long silence....
upvote downvote report

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I a...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman is at the bank when it gets robbed and she is shot 3 times as the criminals leave.

She is sent to the doctor who tells her that miraculously she and the unborn babes are fine but the bullets have been incorporated into the children. No need to worry they are fine and will pass the bullets naturally as they grow. Many years go bye and the oldest daughter comes running to the mother...

I'm going out of this world the way I came in it...

Inside a drunk college drop out covered in the blood of an unborn twin.
upvote downvote report

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next ti...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, pregnant with triplets, is walking down the street...

...in a very bad part of town. Out of the blue, a car rolls by and opens gunfire on the house behind her. Despite her best efforts, the woman took three bullets to her stomach and was rushed to the hospital.

The doctors did everything they could to save the woman and her three unborn childre...

Once upon a time

in a far away land there was a noble king and his beautiful, pregnant wife. The king was much loved by his people, but he had an intensely jealous brother. Envious that the birth of the prince would mean he would never rule, the brother sought the help of an evil witch. The witch cursed the unborn c...
upvote downvote report

A woman pregnant with triplets catches three stray bullets from a drive-by shooting.

In the emergency room, a doctor tells her she and her unborn children will be fine but they could not remove the bullets. He informs her all is well and the children, two girls and a boy, will pee the bullets out in around 16 years.

So around the 16th year, the mother is in the kitchen making...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three very pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room of the OB/GYN office...

In order to pass the time, all three women are knitting sweaters for their unborn babies.

The first mom puts down her knitting supplies, reaches into her purse, pulls out some pre-natal vitamins and says, "Good for mom, good for baby!" She downs a couple pills, and the two other moms nod and...

Triplets

One night a woman pregnant with triplets gets mugged for her purse. She fights back and the guy shoots her three times in the stomach. At the hospital the doctors tell her that she'll be fine and so will her unborn daughters and son, but that they couldn't remove the bullets without harming the babi...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night...

A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night when her husband, who has been out hunting all day comes home empty handed. As he leans over to kiss her, three bullets fall out of his pocket and into the stew. The husband and wife are unaware and dinner is served. With the first s...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information