UPJOKE
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What do you do when life hands you melons?

Acknowledge you may have dyslexia.

If live gives you melons.

You probably have dyslexia.

Why is that women with small melons are the one's in shotgun weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

If life is giving you melons...

You are probably dyslexic.

Why did the Melons not get Married?

Because they Cantelope

Why can't melons get married?

They cantaloupe ^sorry ^I'll ^leave

Did you hear about the two melons in love?

They want to run away together but unfortunately they cantaloupe.

Two melons are in love...

After decades of conflict and war, the people of Watermelon Kingdom and Cataloupe Country are trying to ease diplomatic tensions between their peoples. A student exchange program is started to foster cross-cultural understanding.

Through the exchange program, Wally Watermelon meets Cassandra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Onions and Christmas Trees

A couple with a son and a daughter was having a meal together.

At a certain point, the son decides to ask the father:

“Dad, how many types of boobs are there?”

“Three.”

“How so?”

“When you’re 20, they’re like melons: gorgeous and round. When you’re 40, they’re like...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many kinds of boobs are there

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

If life gives you lemons

A simple surgery will give you melons

Did you hear about the two melons who couldn’t get married?

They can’t elope

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

Melons really got screwed with restrictions on big weddings this year. They can't just go off and get hitched on their own...

...because they cantaloupe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

Two melons: A Love Story

One day two melons were laying next to each other in the sunny field. The same thing is also going on in an alternate universe. Tom Melon looks over and sees the most beautiful melon he’s ever laid his melon eyes upon. “I have to get over there and say something to her” he thinks to himself. So he r...

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

Two melons are sitting in a field and the first one turns to the second and says

"We've been together all this time we should run away and get married."

The second melon replies, "We cantaloupe, we're melons!"

Do you know the reasons why most melons live alone?

Because they can't elope

Two melons are madly in love

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license?

Because it means they *cantaloupe*

My wife's most recent obsession is growing melons, and she makes me help her in the garden.

It's always "honey do this" and "honey do that"

Two melons were in the supermarket

When one exclaimed to the other “Let’s run away from this place and get married!!”

The other one replied “Honey I do want to, but you know I can’t elope”

What do you call a group of sad melons?

A melon-colony.

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

Two Melons Fall In Love

The guy says, “I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don’t want to wait. Let’s run away to Vegas together.”

The girl replies, “No, baby. I cantaloupe.”

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