UPJOKE
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A man was found dead in vat of ground chickpeas.

Police are considering it a hummus-cide.

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctors and said I can only get sexualy stimulated by chickpeas and garlic

He said "don't worry, you're just humous-sexual"

Everybody says that garbanzo beans and chickpeas are the same thing.

But I've never paid $25 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

This is pretty tame for me, but i can see how it might offend some, hence the NSFW tag.

I just killed a clan of chickpeas

It was a total hummuside

Did you hear about the family of chickpeas that were killed while eating dinner last night?

It was ruled a hummicide.

I don’t understand how some people eat so many chickpeas.

I’d falafel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m sexually attracted to mashed chickpeas

I’m a hummussexual

Why do chickpeas hate being pulverized to bits and rolled into balls?

Because it makes them falafel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone with a fetish for chickpeas?

A hummussexual.

What's the difference between lentils and chickpeas?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

i always manage to locate the best chickpeas, wherever i go...

my friends often tell me ive a great sense of hummus.

My friend was killed by a falling 2 ton sack of chickpeas.

The police investigating decided it was a hummuscide.

What does hummus and a women's restroom have in common?

Chickpeas in 'em

At a press conference, Sarah Sanders is asked, "why has Trump imposed tarrifs on soybeans but not chickpeas?"

Sarah rolled her eyes and contorted her face even more, then replied, "listen Jim Acosta, I don't know what you're agenda is with that question, but suffice it to say that the President's decision on which legumes to tarrif is deeply rooted in the fact that he's never had a Russian soybean on his he...

Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.

Buy the dip.

Two chickpeas are walking down the road

When one suddenly starts throwing up.

“Hey man are you okay ?”

“no man I falafel”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend gets an erection whenever he sees chickpeas...

He's a hummussexual.

What do you call chickpeas cooked in a waffle iron?

Fawaffle!

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song!


(I was really proud of this one.)

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