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Catching Jokes

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations ...

The FBI, the CIA, and the KGB are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI receive 1000 tips about the rabbit's location but refuses to investigate.

The CIA burns down the whole forest and said there's no rabbit.

The KGB drags a man out of the forest and beats him as he screams "OK I'm a rabbit!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Japanese invented a thief catching robot.

After running successful lab trials they decided to test it. After deploying in Tokyo the robot caught 35 thieves in 24 hours.

The news Broke out.

Much Impressed, the Brits ordered the robot for themselves. After deploying in London the robot busted 65 thieves under 8 hours.

The...

Catching rabbits

MI5, CIA and KGB are having a competition

Three small parties of all three Agencies meet on neutral ground, on the edge of an egyptian forest.

For the goal of the competition, they decided that each of their parties should catch a rabbit, using their espionage skills. The party that ma...

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each..

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of ...

I tried catching fog

Mist

My friends asked me what is the best and worst thing about catching COVID.

The worst is easy. Girls find me less attractive. Haven't gotten a second date since catching it.

The best is that my farts no longer smell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After catching her husband cheating on her, a wife decided to take matters into her own hands

She waited until he was asleep and took a knife to his member.

She then drove to an overpass and threw it over the ledge.

At the same time, two men were driving under the overpass when the penis landed on their windshield with a "thwap" and just stayed there.


The two men...

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

Finally got out of jail. Less than 10 minutes after gettin home, me and the wife jumped straight into bed to do some serious catching up....

Wife: "hey.... erm.... ya know..... I... I've been with other men ya know?"

Me: "Ohhhh, ok. Well same here, turn over"

Did you know that tree branches are the best tools for catching bugs?

They're very sticky.

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”


“Chemo, s...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch your...

came pretty close to actually catching a handful of fog this morning

mist

My grandfather told me this one not long before he died

A man is in his boat out on the lake with a bucket full of fish that he had just caught. A wildlife officer spots him and pulls his boat up alongside. Seeing the bucket of fish in the man's boat, the wildlife officer asks to see his fishing license.

The man tells the officer that he doesn't n...

China may be catching up to the US economically...

...but they definitely won’t outweigh us.

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

Catching rabbits

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

How do you catch a common rabbit?

Comm-on, tame way, unique up on it.

R. Kelly has asked to be released from prison after being concerned about catching COVID-19.

I bet if it was COVID-13 he wouldn't mind catching it at all.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.

He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and aft...

When it comes to catching mice what's the difference between a live trap and a death trap?

About a week

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to catch a fish

Another joke that i heard in Hindi many years ago. Trying to translate in English.

On a sunny day, a man was sitting by a river with his fishing hook in the water hoping to catch a fish. He was unsuccessful, so he goes the next day and the day after and continuously for several days with no ...

Internet Explorer is so slow in catching up that...

Microsoft Edge had to go back in time to tell Internet Explorer that it has been replaced

3 Instruments are Catching Up

School is back in for the fall and 3 instruments are sharing their musical journey through the Summer.

The saxophone says, "I got to go to New Orleans and play with a real jazz band."

The guitar says, "I went to Mexico and played music so beautiful that the audience threw roses on the ...

Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?

Because he has Santa-bodies.

Two guys are catching up at a bar

Guy 1: My wife's been really distant lately, we hardly talk, and we never seem to be home at the same time...

Guy 2: Yeah that's generally how divorces work.

Left my ex-wife after catching her cheating on me with her deaf best friend..

I honestly should have read all the signs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little kid is tossing a nickel in the air and catching it in his mouth...

The little kid says "Hey dad watch this!" and does it again. This time he actually inhales the nickel and starts choking.

The dad realizes what is happening and slaps the kid on the back trying to dislodge the nickel. Nothing. The gives the kid the Heimlich maneuver, still nothing.

In ...

Tony Stark catching Nick Fury up on the events of Civil War

Tony: So anyway the Avengers broke up and Steve is a fugitive now.

Fury: Wait, are you serious?

Tony: No cap

Cops have a hard time catching fat criminals

They are always at large and on top of that its impossible to narrow down on them

Pretend you're in a jungle, what do you do if a tiger is chasing you and catching up to you?

Stop pretending.

Two old friends are catching up for the first time in a few months.

Dave: How's those memory pills you're on Bill, are they working?

Bill: They're fantastic mate, couldn't be happier. I'm remembering old faces, recalling old times, I'm very happy.

Dave: Hmm, what are they called, I might have to get some for myself.

Bill: Oh, umm, gee, what's th...

I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language...

They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.

Three friends are out fishing, having a competition to see who can catch the biggest fish.

The first guy says “Ill use worms as bait, surely this will catch the largest fish. My dad was a fisherman for all of his life, and taught me all of his tricks to catching the biggest fish. There is no possible way you guys can beat me.”

The second guy bursts out laughing. “You expect to catc...

On the one hand, joking about Trump catching COVID is in bad taste...

On the other hand, taste isn’t something he has to worry about now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chauncey and Edgar catching up....

Chauncey and Edgar were very old friends who had not seen each other for a while and they wanted to catch up. Edgar invited Chauncey over for lunch. "We're getting on in years" Chauncey said. "Do you still get out much like we used to?" "Not like the old times" replied Edgar. "But I still man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long, but original] Two brothers are catching up over a drink...

The older brother Dave is successful, hard-working and married with a family, a dog and a cat. The younger brother Mike is a real nice guy, but he's kind of a fuck-up. Having been too busy to catch up for weeks, they decide to meet up at the local bar.

Dave says, "Man, I'm sorry we haven't ...

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