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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

Two Secret Service agents are intercepting a black box from a terrorist when they finally corner him and capture him

They interrogate him and ask him to hand over the box and maybe he'll live for another day. The terrorist barks, "You'll have to pry it from my dead cold hands!" One of the agents then proceeds to throw the terrorist into a large refridgerating chamber overnight. The next day, the terrorist was f...

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

A police officer just intercepted a secret message between two major gangs...

The message simply said: 5310H55V 0113H

Curious, he tried to decipher it but gave up after a few hours, and asked the rest of his police department if they could help.

After a few days of code cracking, the police department gave up, and sent the cryptic message to the FBI. The bright...

The NSA just intercepted a message from Vladimir Putin to Melenia Trump.

It said,"good, now that you are First Lady, GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"

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There was an old lady who knew how to ride a scooter

Every day she passed the border riding on the scooter, with a bag behind the scooter. The Customs personnel - all old rascals - began to suspect the old lady.

One day, when she was on the scooter with the bag behind her, the customs officer told her to stop. The old lady stopped and then the ...

William Shakespeare takes a potion and is propelled into the modern age.

Smart as ever, he rapidly learns the global situation in politics and entertainment and even becomes highly Internet literate.
He discovers that a famous actress has been named after his wife Anne Hathaway. He decides she is extremely beautiful but wants to meet her in person to determine if s...

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
“This year, I can’t plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, “Papa, don’t dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.”
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day...

How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.

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A poor little boy writes a letter to Santa

A little boy from a very, VERY poor family writes a letter to Santa: "Dear Santa, I'm very poor and I don't have much. My dad passed away last year and my mom doesn't spend much time with me as she's usually very tired after drinking wine. I know that you brought all those rich kids from school plen...

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A kid walks up a businessman on the phone, and tells him that at 12 o'clock he'll kick is fucking ass.

Infuriated, the businessman hangs up and chases the kid who runs away laughing. After 3 blocks of relentless pursuit, the businessman is winded, but still headed in the direction he saw the kid run off to.

A few minutes later, a buddy of the businessman happens to intercept him as they cros...

Second half centipede

The animals and the insects were always competing as to which group was greater. The insects argued that they were greater in number and more diversified. The animals argued they rat were more highly developed and had greater abilities.
To prove which group was greater they agreed to have a foot...

Did you hear? Tony Romo tried committing suicide after yesterday's game...

But the bullet was intercepted.

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