Carpenters Jokes

Bite their nails

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever... read more

Worker A notices worker B is wasting a lot of nails. He’ll pull one out, hammer it in, pull another and toss it, toss another, then hammer one in. And this goes on for a bit.

Worker A says to worker B, “hey, how come you keep tossing dem nails?”

Worker B responds, “they’re defective;... read more

Nine inch nails.

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"

The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"Well," says the guy, "the man always wea... read more

We haven't made anything yet though, we've only just begun.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ... read more

So that it feels like someone else is doing the work.

By plane.

Because they saw everything

when the wind blows their ladder over. "Oh great," says the first one, "How are we supposed to get down?"

"Well," replies the second one, "I'll go to this end and look for a way down, and you can go to the opposite end and search as well."

"Ok," replies the first carpe... read more

They both bang their fingers for a living.

Two carpenters were working on a house. One older one and one newer to the job. They were both working on one side of the house. After a few hours of working the older guy noticed the young guy looking at every nail, then dropping about half. The older one exclaimed about this and asked. “Why are yo... read more

They all fix tables.

They are always thinking a step ahead

.......but one saw

All they want for Christmas is Yew.

Man: Hey can you fix my front door for me?

Carpenter: Sure, but what about your house, what if a burglar gets in?

Man: Hah! Impossible! How can he get in if I’ve got the door right here.

"I got the sack once for being just two mil out!" the first one said

"That was a bit unreasonable ," replied the second

"It was alright" said the first one,

"I didn't really want to be an accountant anyway."

Because they want to show women their caulk

What is a carpenters dream girl? Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.

Two carpenters are nailing up siding one day. The first carpenter grabs a nail from his pouch, examines it, and then tosses it in the trash. He proceeds to grab another nail, examine it, and then hammers it into the siding. He repeats this process several time. Finally the second carpenter turns to ... read more

Jesus may actually return some day.