UPJOKE
woodcarvercabinetmakerwoodsmanwoodmanfurniturecarpentrycabinetrycarpentercraftsmancarverartisanhobbyistnurserymanlandscapertinsmith

Woodworker Jokes

Did you hear about the incontinent woodworker?

He specialised in staining chairs

I'm a dyslexic woodworker

I don't have much going on in my life, but I guess that's oaky.

A woodworker opens up a new shop

A woodworker opens up a new shop to sell his lumber and assembled pieces. He is making a decent living, but one day he discovers a new type of tree in the forest with some of the best wood he has ever worked with. He found out the tree was called the Arge Oak.

He started to try to feature th...

You do some gardening once, you do not become a gardener. You nail two pieces of wood together, you do not become a woodworker.

So I do not see how I could be a murderer, your honour.

A woodworker made some coffee tables to sell

A woodworker made some coffee tables to sell on marketplace, but none of them sold.

It turns out they weren't poplar.

I'm sure I am not the first redditor to think this up, but I did use search function for the last year and found nothing, so apologies if it's a repost or just not funn...

What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker?

In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.

Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish?

It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call woodworkers?

Prostitutes.

As a woodworker, I love the final stages of a project

All the little impurities and errors go away. It's a real varnishing act.

What’s a woodworkers favorite band?

Staind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An amateur woodworker moves to a new neighborhood and makes some friends at a local bar he goes to every other week.

An amateur woodworker moves to a new neighborhood and makes some friends at a local bar he goes to every other week. As a way to say thanks to the community, he offers to take down and rebuild a brand new deck at the bar. The bar owner, who practically lives at the bar day-in day-out, doesn't want t...

Anyone wanna join my prayer group for woodworkers?

It's called "Oh, Ye of Whittle Faith."

Wood Eye

There was a young boy who had his eye put out when he was in middle school. His family was too poor to get him a glass eye, but his dad was a woodworker. So, his dad made him a wooden eye. When he returned to school, all of the kids made fun of him calling him, "Wood eye, wood eye." He tolerated the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.