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Coal Jokes

Did you hear about that guy who hated coal?

Never mined

Why did the worker at the coal mine come to work immediately after he got injured ?

because it was a miner injury

I know an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry.

He mined his own business.

Why do pine trees always get coal for Christmas?

Because they are so knotty. That is seasonally late dad joke.

A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners

After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the harde...

Is anyone behaving badly just to get coal in their stocking...

... so they can heat their house?

What do a hooker and a coal miner have in common?

They both work the shafts for pay.

A walkie-talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie.

Classic example of radio-carbon dating.

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One year, I had been a naughty child, and Santa left me a piece of coal.

So I poisoned his cookies.
But the sneaky bastard found out and killed my dad.

Coal

Its a burning issue

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

If coal is so bad for the environment...

why don't we just burn it all?

Did ya hear about the coal mine that caved in this morning?

Everyone got out, it was just a miner inconvenience.

What happened to the guy who fell into burning coals at the bonfire?

He got really EMBER-ASSED.

Some poor children in Victorian London were listening to Christmas songs

They heard that Santa Claus gives coal to children who aren´t on his nice list, and so they commit as many petty crimes as possible to be on his naughty list so as to not die of hypothermia.

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

Did you know that Neil Diamond used to be known as Neil Coal?

That was until the pressure got to him.

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The world fossil fuel industry was shocked by the scandalous public exposure of LITERAL underground "swingers parties". The scandal allegedly involves numerous lustful Coal Union members including prospectors, colliers, dredgers, excavators, and sappers...

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# POST REMOVED

# Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.

What do you call a country that is entirely made out of coal?

A carbonation!

A wife comes back home to her husband only to find out that the building of her apartment has caught fire

The place is surrounded by fireman and police officers who are not letting anyone through. The wife hysterically goes forward shouting at them to let her through and that her husband was inside.

The Fireman tries to calm her down, tells her his condolences and that all the people that were i...

A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only miner injuries.

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A Marine, A Navy SEAL, and a Delta Force member are sitting around a fire....

The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Three guys walked into a bar covered in coal dust...

The bar tender took one look at them and said, "Sorry, but we don't serve miners here."

A German in a Bar

A German walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender tells him : "20 euros!"

The German is shocked - "20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !"

"Well, today it is 20 euros."

\- "But why 20, damn it?"

Bar tender : "I'll explain it,

\-3 euros is beer,...

I used to work at a coal mine

But I left because the bars didn't allow miners

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Naked Black Men

There was a painting on the gallery wall depicting three naked black men on a bench, and the one in the middle had a white penis. A visitor was explaining to anyone that would listen about how the picture was showing something deep and meaningful about race and cultural divides.

A voice at th...

The Energy Crisis is so real…

… People want a lump of coal in their stocking.

If Donald Trump gets coal in his stocking...

Is he happy or sad about it?

What does someone with a history or violence who digs up coal, and an 11 year old who swears at you during online hames have in common?

They're both offensive minors.

Drake visits a town famous for exporting coal...

He wanders around for an hour or so but leaves disappointed as he couldn't find all the minors he had heard about.

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One year for christmas I got a lump of coal from santa..

So, the next year I decided to poison the bastard.
Unfortunately, somehow.. he must have found out my plan.. Cause when I woke up the next day, he had killed my dad with the exact same poison I had used..
Learn from my mistake people.. Don't mess with santa

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Did y’all hear about the hoarder who harrased the workers mining coal?

He was arrested for sending pictures of his junk to miners.

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

This Christmas...

Naughty children will be given £1 coins instead of an expensive lump of coal.

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, each telling tall tales.

The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. The other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second cowboy says. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a f...

Did you hear about the baby coal that went missing?

They sent out an ember alert.

Why did 25 letters of the alphabet get coal for Christmas?

Because they were not E

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

For everyone that's getting coal for Christmas...

Maybe we can meet up and get the grill going

The Windmill, the Coal Plant, and Geothermal Station Formed a Band

The Windmill, the Coal Plant, and Geothermal Station Formed the Band "Earth, Wind, and Fire". Their songs start off slow but eventually build in Energy. They would have been Electric too if it wasn't for their Dam manager always holding them back. He was Resistant to change and couldn't see the Pote...

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m...

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

A German, a Polak, and a Chinaman all get hired at a coal mine.

The foreman takes them down to show them what they need to do. "OK, German, take that pick and start knocking coal out of the wall. Polak, shovel the coal and put it in the railcar. Chinaman, you will be in charge of supplies. I'll be back later to check on you guys." So about an hour later, the ...

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

where do communists get their coal from?

ours

A pyromaniac got a bag of coal for Christmas...

Was he naughty or nice?

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Coal miners

An exquisite painting entitled "Home for Lunch" was on display in a art gallery. It depicted three very naked, very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
Two women were st...

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A coal miner walks into a bar.

And the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The coal miner snorts, “You mean you don’t serve ‘minors’? Never heard that one before.”
“No, I mean we don’t serve black people.”’

Santa probably regrets giving coal

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa

Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.

Why doesn’t scientology have any coal workers?

because sects with miners is illegal

In what city do kids get iron instead of coal for Christmas?

Santa Fe

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My cousin thinks it's illegal to have sex with someone who digs for coal.

She says it's against the law to be with a miner.

I don't understand why we give bad kids coal.

Isn't coal what minors want?

OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children.

In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote "Hey, they’re still alive, aren’t they?"

- An ol' chunk of coal

Only Coal Miners Will Get This

Black lung disease.

I opened a bar in the coal town of Gillette, WY.

Unfortunately, I was shut down for serving miners.

The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers

But it was just a miner inconvenience

What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together?

Carbon Dating.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

More bad news for the coal industry

Hundreds of minors out of work since the arrest of Jeffery Epstein.

My Uncle has a coal fetish.

Its why he likes to bang miners.

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Cowboy rides into town....

( For cake day i suggest telling these jokes in series )

A cowboy rides into town. All the way down the main drag, he sees not a single soul.
He pulls up in front of the saloon and the only other person around is the sheriff, sitting on the porch.
He dismounts, ties up his horse, tips...

The court jester decided to play a prank

So he got a bucket of coal dust from the blacksmith and rigged it over a doorway.

Soon enough Sir Lancelot walks up in his shiniest silver armor. He'd spent the entire morning polishing it to a mirror finish. As soon as he walks through the doorway, a trip wire dumps the bucket of coal dust ...

The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle

He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.

After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.

He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself tied up and looks dow...

Why has Xi Jinping and the CCP been extra bad this year?

So they can get free coal in their stocking.

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

Shamus Murphy was enjoying a pint at the bar, when he saw someone who looked very familiar

Aye! You look familiar, what is your name?

Me name is Angus Murphy.

You don't say? M'name is Shamus Murphy!

You don' say? Did you grow up in the town of Derry?

I did! Did you go to Saint Anthony's?

I did! Did you have an Aunt named Mildred?

I did! Did your f...

Warning: Australian joke!

What's left after your local Woolworths burned down?
Coals

Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open?

Because when it comes to energy they're conservative.

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Biz trip

American businessman lands in Tokyo, goes to his very fancy hotel to prepare for his meeting with the CEO of the countries largest corporation to be held at japans finest golf course the next day. As he checks in the hotels concierge asks him if he desires company for the evening stating that it’s o...

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Military Joke

An Army Ranger, a Recon Marine, a Navy SEAL, and a member of Delta Force are sitting around a camp fire. The Army Ranger, bragging about his exploits says "You guys aren't so tough, I once parachuted down, marched fifty miles, and killed everyone in sight." The Recon Marine is unimpressed, and says,...

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The strange painting

John and Michelle are out on a date at an art gallery. They're walking around, looking at art, discussing the paintings, and generally having a good time. Eventually they come across a very strange painting that they can't seem to make heads or tails of. It's a large canvas called "Home for Lunch," ...

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NSFW Dylan, a Welsh farmer who'd had a few too many headed to the pub's men's room when nature called.....

While standing at the urinal trough he suddenly had a puzzled look on his face. He quickly finished his business and ran out to speak to the bartender. Leaning in close he whispered to the bartender:

"I know I'm pretty drunk, but I swear I saw a black guy with a white dick in the bathroom! Hu...

A steam train engineer had a new apprentice... [long]

The older man showed the young lad the coal car, the boiler, and so on.

"What should I call you, lad?" the engineer barked.

"Charles, sir," replied the apprentice timidly.

"I have been working steam trains for thirty years," the older man roared, "and I have \_never\_ addressed ...

A man is driving late at night when his car breaks down in front of a remote Buddhist monastery.

He knocks on the door and the monks open it. He tells the monks about his situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so he asks them if he can stay the night in the monastery. The monks happily agree, and give him a room with a bed to sleep on.

In the middle ...

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A man died and was on his way to heaven

When he reached heaven, he saw Jesus standing in front of him. Jesus said: "We have a long way ahead of us. Come...let's walk."

Jesus trying to have some small talk with the man, asked him whether he has has any pet peeves. The man replied: "I don't like it when people bend over in front of m...

Ole and Sven go to Hell

Ole and Sven, ignoring the -60 degree windchill warnings, froze to death while ice fishing in northern Minnesota and descend to Hell.

Coming to check on his new arrivals from up North, Satan is surprised to find Ole and Sven enjoying themselves, finally removing coats and hats that they've ...

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A Texan, an Oklahoman, and a Louisianan are sitting around a campfire.

The guy from Louisiana says, “I once moved two hundred head of cattle through a hurricane.”

The Oklahoman scoffs and says, “Heck, that’s nothing. I once moved three hundred head of cattle through two tornados!”

The Texan said nothing and continued to stir the coals of the fire with his...

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So a Army Ranger, Recon Marine, Seal, and a Delta Operator are sitting around a campfire.

So the Ranger being a Ranger starts bragging about how tough he is... “you think you guys are tough?” he says

“I’ve parachuted behind enemy lines, did a 50 mile night march and killed a dozen terrorist with my bare hands.”

The Recon Marine is like “man that ain’t shit”

“I’ve lan...

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