UPJOKE
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Cantaloupe Jokes

My dog hit a cantaloupe and appears unhappy

He seems kind of melon-collie

I studied the cantaloupe joke

I’ve done it! I studied the origin of the cantaloupe joke. Then I then fact checked it into the night, and oh my God, it works on every level! I now present to you, the cantaloupe joke, and why it works.

Why must a melon get married in a church and nowhere else?
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Because, due to i...

Where does cantaloupe go for summer vacation?

John Cougar's Melon Camp.

Where do cantaloupes go in summertime?

John Cougar Mellencamp

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

It wanted to become a watermelon

What do pumpkins, watermelons, and cantaloupes in the path of a steamroller have in common?

They all end up as squash.

Ba dum tiss.

What do you call a sad cantaloupe?

Meloncholy

What did the melon farmer say to disappoint their forbidden lover?

Cantaloupe.

My new sheepdog pup just swallowed a whole cantaloupe in one!

Since then he's a little melancholy.

My dog got a cantaloupe stuck on his head

Ever since then he's been a little melon collie.

How did the blind farmer react when his dog got loose in his cantaloupe patch?

He felt a bit melancholy.

What do you call a sad cantaloupe in a telephone booth?

Melon call ya

What did the melon say to her fiancé when he asked her to run away with him?

I cantaloupe.

Why did the melon get married in the church?

Because it cantaloupe

My fiancée wants us to skip town and get married, but I think we should harvest our melon crop first

Honeydew you even know watermelon farm entails? We cantaloupe now.

Honeydew you love me?

If not, we cantaloupe

Only in math problems…

can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

Him: honey, dew you want to run away and get married?

Me: what? no, we cantaloupe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A person goes to the grocery store…

They go to the produce section to look for broccoli. They find no broccoli so they ask a worker. The worker tells them they’re all out of broccoli.

They walk around a bit more and decide to ask again.

“Are you sure you’re out of broccoli? Maybe you have some in the back?”

The wo...

Did you hear about the two melons in love?

They want to run away together but unfortunately they cantaloupe.

What do you call a cantaloupe with clinical depression?

Melon-choly

What do you call an antilope that doesn’t do anything?

A cantaloupe.

Why can’t fruit get married in Las Vegas

They cantaloupe.

what fruit would single people be??

Cantaloupe

Why do melons have big weddings?

They cantaloupe

A cantaloupe and a honeydew got married and had a baby girl.

They named her Melanie.

Humans can elope

Fruits cantaloupe.

Why are the fruits going to have a fancy wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Can do attitude

Scientists are developing a hybrid cantaloupe/honey dew. To succeed, they’ll need to have a can dew attitude.

Two melons are in love...

After decades of conflict and war, the people of Watermelon Kingdom and Cataloupe Country are trying to ease diplomatic tensions between their peoples. A student exchange program is started to foster cross-cultural understanding.

Through the exchange program, Wally Watermelon meets Cassandra...

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cantaloupe.

Cantaloupe who?

Cantaloupe unless your honeydew too.

You know why you cant marry a melon?

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.
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They cantaloupe ;)

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

What did the watermelon say when the honeydew asked it to run away to Vegas and get married?

Sorry I cantaloupe



I made this up eating a green watermelon

What did the lovebirds eat in quarantine when their plans for Las Vegas were canceled?

Cantaloupe.

Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?

They were cantaloupe farmers.

Melons really got screwed with restrictions on big weddings this year. They can't just go off and get hitched on their own...

...because they cantaloupe.

Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license?

Because it means they *cantaloupe*

Two melons are sitting in a field and the first one turns to the second and says

"We've been together all this time we should run away and get married."

The second melon replies, "We cantaloupe, we're melons!"

Two watermelons fall in love and want to get married.

Alas, weddings of that variety haven't been legalised yet meaning they cantaloupe

One melon asks another melon to marry it. The other melon said-

"Sorry I cantaloupe."

My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.

She said, “I just cantaloupe with you.”

I'm not sure how to feel about this...

but I was sold a herding dog for my cantaloupe patch. He's a little melon-collie.

What did the melon say to his daughter when he caught her running off with her boyfriend?

You’re too young, you cantaloupe!

Two muskmelons fell deeply in love. One day, the first muskmelon asked, "Honeydew, will you make me the happiest melon in the world and run away with me and get married?" The second muskmelon replied, "I love you and I will marry you, but...

... we cantaloupe."

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

There are three melon farmers with different marital statuses.

One has a wife and farms honeydew.


The second has a husband and sells watermelon.


The third cantaloupe.

Why did the Honeydew princess stay and marry Duke Watermelon instead of running off with her true love?

She cantaloupe

Why did the girl marry the bird instead of the fruit?

Because the fruit cantaloupe, but the bird pelican.

An antelope and a lion are star crossed lovers

One day, the antelope decides they should take it to the next level

Antelope: let's run away and get married, Lion!

Lion: I cantaloupe

What kind of fruit do you serve to the couple whose families force them to have a big wedding?

Cantaloupe.

What plant bears fruit & is afraid of lifelong commitment?

Cantaloupe

Why must melon families always consent to a marriage?

Because they cantaloupe!

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

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