UPJOKE

### What's the derivative of Amazon?

Amazon Prime

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### Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inauguration.

Why?

Change of jerk.

### Why didn’t the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach?

Because secant tan.

### Hey girl, are you a derivative?

Because I'd like to examine the slope of your curves

### "Cell" and its derivatives (Cellular, Cellulose, Cellulite, etc.) are the only English words where the C is pronounced like an S.

At least, I'm pretty certain.

^^^dy/dx

### I don't always take the derivative of x^2....

But when I do, it's dos equis.

### Which is more important to learn—derivatives or anti derivatives?

Anti derivatives. They’re integral to your success.

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### The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

### Maths is fun

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

### I wish I could be your derivative...

So I could lie tangent to your curves

A prime rib.

### One day 3 and e^x were having a walk…

3 oversees the oncoming derivative across the road. He tells e^x that he will be leaving because if he ever meets the derivative it wouldn’t end well for him.

Surprised by the departure, e^x continues to walk confidently. When he and derivative are close enough, derivative extends his hand an...

### There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

### I suppose we should have seen the Newton-Leibniz conflict coming.

Calculus has always been derivative

### Have you read the new calculus novel?

I thought it was pretty derivative.

### This kid in physics class was being mean to me

So I called him the derivative of acceleration.

### f(x) walks into a bar

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't cater for functions".

f'(x) walks into a bar... Wait, isn't this the same joke? No, it's derivative humour.

### Why are Redditors good at calculus?

Because everything on this site is a derivative.

### What do you call recycled calculus jokes?

Derivative humor.

### I’ve been solving derivatives everyday, for a week and I haven’t been able to do more than 20 a day.

I guess that’s my limit.

### What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives?

An anti-derivative.

### A completely new joke about calculus.

Never mind, actually it's just derivative.

### Why is Optimus Prime worthless?

The derivative at the maximum = 0

### I am in no position to say this,

but my math teacher is the third derivative of my position

### Newton: I've discovered calculus(1664).

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

### Help, idk how to integrate my ideas into jokes

They seem too derivative.

### Why did the mathematician fail as a painter?

His art was derivative.

### Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?

He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.

(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)

### Did you see the movie about the x^2’s journey to become 2x?

It was really derivative.

### They said calculus would be integral to my education

I found it a little derivative.

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### Calculus pick up line

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?
F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?
F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?
F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

### A math teacher went to school drunk...

He told the class that they were going to learn derivatives and then proceeded to pass out. He was removed from the school and fired immediately. The lesson?

Don't drink and derive

### [math][star wars]{no spoilers}

What do you call the derivative of the First-order in Star Wars?

The second-order.

### I tried to come up with a math joke...

but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it...

### A painter unveils his five new paintings in a gallery...

A painter unveils his four new paintings in a gallery. The first is a cubism painting of x^3. The second is an abstract painting depicting 3x^2. The third is a realism painting depicting 6x. The next is a landscape painting of the number 6. The last is a simplistic painting of the number 0.
...

### There's no new jokes about math

It's all derivatives

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### They asked Stephen King to write a horror story about a gorilla...

He told his publishers that he wanted to write it under his *nom de plume* "Richard Bachman." The problem, he said, was that he'd already written "The Monkey" under his own name. He didn't want people to think this new story was a sequel, or derivative in some way. Legally, since he'd sold the ri...

### "Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."

"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"

### Two men walk into a bar

The first one says
"I want to buy a beer for everyone in here"
The second man says
"I want to buy a beer for everyone who has bought a beer for everyone in here"
The bartender says
"You're so derivative"