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There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist.

Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ...

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Busted axle

The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroo...

I busted a nut at the local post office

I guess you could say something came in the mail today

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

Coos busted a thief who stole 42,000 pounds of pistachios

But the thief will plead not guilty due to insanity because what he stole was nuts

An engineer dies and goes to hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and uncle...

My neighbor got busted for growing weed today

Turns out my property line isn't anywhere near where I thought it was.

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My son got busted at school for masterbating.

When I got home, I burst into his room shouting “you can’t be doing stuff like that boy, you’ll go blind!”

He said, “I’m over here Dad!”

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my futu...

I saw a woman busted for shoplifting at the DIY store today.

She had a ladder in her stocking.

I rushed home because my girlfriend kept saying she was "hot and bothered".

Turns out the AC is busted.

The local barber just got busted for dealing drugs. I'm shocked. I've been a customer of his for 10 years.

Never knew he was a barber, though.

I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

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The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

The cops busted me for pinching clothes people had hung out to dry.

They called it theft.


I call it online shopping.

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The Japanese invented a thief catching robot.

After running successful lab trials they decided to test it. After deploying in Tokyo the robot caught 35 thieves in 24 hours.

The news Broke out.

Much Impressed, the Brits ordered the robot for themselves. After deploying in London the robot busted 65 thieves under 8 hours.

The...

Some kind of animal busted a nut in my backyard...

Must've been a squirrel.

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A prostitution ring gets busted one afternoon.

As all of the girls were lined up outside the police station to get booked, one of the girls noticed her grandma walking by, who came up to her and said, “Why Hello?! What are you waiting in line for dear?”

The prostitute, embarrassed, lies and says she’s waiting in line for an orange stand,...

The numbers One to Ten are in a police line-up. Which one of them is going to get busted with drugs?

The high five of course.

I almost got busted for shoplifting candy today...

But I got out of it. I've got a couple of twix up my sleeve.

[NSFW] A man busted his nut while flying...

You can call that a highjacking

What did the police officer say when he busted the sadomasochists?

Everybody, hands up or no one gets hurt!

Everyone in our little town was shocked and horrified that the local butcher got busted for selling drugs.

I had seen Pete once a week like clockwork for over a decade, never even knew he was a butcher.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

I set up a small nuclear power plant in my garage.

It was running well until I got busted by a fish and game warden of all people. He gave me a fat ticket for not having a fission license.

My girlfriend is so busted

she claims to be an atheist but yesterday I got home from work early and she was screaming "OH GOD! YES! YOU'RE SO GOOD!". So I sat smugly on the couch until she came out with my friend Steve. Then I was like "busted! you're not an atheist at all. I don't know what you did Steve but you are a leg...

The disc drive on my DVD player is busted. I guess you could say it has...

Ejectile disfunction.

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

So a woman goes to the doctor with a busted lip and a black eye...

...and the doctor says, "Oh my, what happened?"
To which the woman replies, "Well my husband always goes to the bar after work, he then proceeds to come home and beat me. I've tried everything to get him to stop but nothing works." The doc listens to her story and after a few minutes, he respond...

Why did Alexander Hamilton get busted for possession?

'Cause he's not throwing away his pot.

Today the authorities busted the local T-Rex shop, causing a huge uproar amongst the dinosaur community

Apparently he was a small-arms dealer

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Oprah Winfrey was busted by TSA at O'Hare airport today with 40 pounds of crack.

They let her go because it just turned out to be her vagina.

I just busted my kid with some weed and I'm mad as hell...

I've been driving clear across town to get mine and I could have been getting it here the whole time.

I finally busted a nut!

Macadamias are really tough to crack.

Two guys are busted stealing a calender

The both got 6 months

The police busted a drug ring operating out of a circumcision clonic

The police got a tip off

A man is busted for pot

So one day, a man is pulled over in what seems like a routine stop. When the officer gets to the car, he smells marijuana and the following exchange happens.
Officer: "do you have any pot on you?"
Man : "yes officer, but it's not my fault. I can't get rid of it."
Officer : "what do you mea...

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Truck driver

One a normal day of trip, truck driver realized that his brake system was busted, and he was going full speed. He knew, he had to stop the truck somehow.

So he decided to get off the road and crash into something

He looked right, there was little boy in an empty field, alone.

H...

I've been squatting at the gym.

I sleep in one of the lockers. So far I haven't been busted.

There were 5 people on a plane

A doctor, a scientist, Donald trump, Hillary Clinton, and a 9 year old girl.

The planes engines busted and there was only 4 parachutes on flight.

The doctor said “I need a parachute because I can help people who have COVID.” He took a parachute and jumped out.

The scientist said...

Did you hear about the Barcelona football star who got busted for tax evasion?

They said his tax returns were Messi.

Busted!

A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.

They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and...

What happens when a sweatshop gets busted?

The entire outfit is compromised.

The secret cocaine ring in my school still hasnt been busted by the police

It's slipping right under everyone's noses!

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Three men meet in a prison yard, 2 of them are white and the other black.

The first white man asks the other, "What are you in for?"

"I raided my company's 401k, and stole millions from my employees. My lawyer says I'll be out within 3 years."

"I shot up an abortion clinic and killed 2 doctors, but my lawyer says I won't do more than 5 years."

They...

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Dear Midwest Diary...

Aug. 1

Moved to our new home in Chicago. It is so beautiful here.

The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered

with snow. I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 14

Chicago is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are

turning all different colo...

After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.

It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.

A man has a defective clock and takes it to the German workshop.

The guy says, "My clock is busted. Instead of the usual 'tick tock' it goes 'tick tick tick'. Can you fix this?" The German shop owner says, "I see. Follow me." The owner leads the man into a dark ominous room and places the clock on a wooden chair and straps it. He then proceeds to light up a sin...

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