This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but only have £1 between them.

Paddy says “I’ve an idear” and goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says “are ye mad? Now we’re skint!”
“Come on” says Paddy, “follow me”
They go into a pub, order two pints, and drink them.
Before they pay Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper of his jeans and tells Murphy to get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unlike a lot of men, some of my friends included, I could never have sex with a prostitute.

I'm fucking skint.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman and an Irishman go out drinking one night....

The Englishman says to the Irishman, " listen paddy I wish I could stay out drinking with you but I'm skint."

Padd
y says, "aye George, I just spent my last few quid too.... but I've got an idea: go up and order two more drinks and a sausage and mash and tell them to put it on a tab." ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drugs

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old.

It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two, then before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed, then for a stronger buzz, I moved onto ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy and Seamus want to go for a pint of Guinness but...

They're skint.
They empty their pockets and pool what money they have between them, a total of £5.

"Ahh, feck... not even enough for one." laments Paddy.
Suddenly Seamus, looking across the road at the butcher's shop, gets an idea.
"Tell ya what Paddy.... give me the money and I'll ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.