Bullets Jokes - 34 Hilarious Bullets Jokes

Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?

His name was Rick O'Shea

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they’re fired

What's the difference between everybody and bullets?

Everybody misses Harambe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bet on a bullet (slightly )

A man walks into a gun shop.

"I want to buy a new scope and bullets for my rifle"

"sure" said the owner handing over a scope "if you look out the window, this scope is so powerful you can see into my house"

The man looks, then turns to the shopkeeper and says "sorry mate there i...

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

Bullets

Why do they still use lead to make bullets?? Don't they know that lead is dangerous??

Three bullets [] [LONG]

A woman (we'll call her Sally) is pregnant with triplets. She goes to a bank to get some money from her account, but unfortunately, the bank is being robbed. The robber shoots her three times with a gun. Each bullet hits one of her triplets, but she survives and so do they. Three months later, she g...

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

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A man walks into a full bar with a loaded gun. He shouts “Who here has been my wife!?”

Everyone in the bar is quiet for a bit, until the bartender says “Mate, you don’t have enough bullets.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum

and yells, "Who the , fucked my wife"
The crowd upon hearing this becomes silent and the man repeats the question. "Who in the hell fucked my wife".
The crowd still quiet. Then a person from the back of the bar says, "You dont have enough bullets"

Bullets are like snacks

Always keep one for yourself and share with others

Ten years into the war, both sides ran out of bullets for their guns.

They decided to use bows and arrows instead.

But ten years later, still strong in the war, both sides ran out of arrows and flint. So both sides used swords and axes.

But a decade after that, both sides ran out of metal, and they had to resort to weapons made of wood, like bo- staffs ...

If I were locked in a room with an agent from the CIA, FBI, and NSA and I had a gun with only two bullets...

I'd shoot myself in the back of the head 3 times

What happened when the two bullets got married?

They had a BB.

A french soldier had 9 bullets left

"It's neuf or nothing," he said.

Words are like bullets

People fear them if you have a gun.

If eyes could shoot bullets,

I’d look into a bulletproof mirror.

Three bullets [long]

A pregnant woman was standing in line at the bank one day, when suddenly, a man in a ski mask stormed in and started shooting up the place.

She was shot in the stomach three times, but was rushed to hospital in time and the doctors were able to save her and her three babies. She had them ...

Man walks into a bar to find the man who slept with his daughter (SFW)

Man walks into a bar with a 4 six shooters and a double barrel demanding to know who slept with his daughter.

Father: WHICH ONE OF YOU SONS OF B*TCHS SLEPT WITH MY LITTLE DARLING GIRL!

Bartender: Sir you ain't got enough bullets

What’s the difference between democracy and some bullets?

Democracy wasn’t stopped by Trump rioters yesterday.

A third grade teacher had her students ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral for their homework one day.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. But then the teacher realized that only Katie was left.

"Katie, do you have a story to share?"
''Yes ma'am... My daddy told me a story about my mom."
"OK, let's hear it," said the teacher.

"My mom was a...

Bullets are the best employee

It gets fired but still does its job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with a gun ...

A guy walks into a bar with a gun, fires one shot into the ceiling, then snarls: “Who’s the low-down dirty varmint who had with my wife?”

There is a long silence, until a guy in the back calls out: “You ain’t got enough bullets!”

The CIA was recruiting new agents

As a test of commitment they brought a man to a door and gave him a gun. He was told his wife was in the next room and his first test was to go in and shoot his wife. The man was shocked and said he would never shoot his wife for anyone.He was sent home.

A second man was brought to the same r...

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If Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Justin Bieber were in an elevator with me and I only had two bullets, I would...

..wonder why I didn't bring a gun!

What do you call an Irishman who can deflect bullets?

Rick O' Shea

Hus: I got a package with bullets and arabic note today

Wife: Idiot! These are suppositories and the note from doctor.

What are all the police officers bullets made out of?

Copper

A kid said he could run faster than a bullet.

His friend asked "How? You can barely run a block."

"It's simple, bullets don't run."

Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.

**Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.**

Following day the kids came back and one by one go through their stories.

There were all the regular things - never too old to learn, never give up, no crying over spilled mi...

As I saw Tom Cruise firing bullets at an innocent crowd, I immediately made a wish.

It was after all a Shooting Star!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I was in a room with two bullets, Hitler, Osama bin laden, and any person that sleeps fully clothed

I’d walk away, because Hitler and Bin Laden are both dead and I don’t have a gun.

My jokes are like bullets

Except that they never hit anyone

"What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend...

"I got fired." He replied.

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