A kid said he could run faster than a bullet.

His friend asked "How? You can barely run a block."

"It's simple, bullets don't run."

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A pregnant woman was robbed and shot One night while out buying groceries, a pregnant woman was robbed and shot three times. She managed to survive, but the doctors were unable to remove the bullets from her body.

Even with the trauma her body sustained, she was still able to deliver a healthy set of triplets a few months later, two girls and a boy. The years went by and there was never any indication that the children were harmed by the attack, so she was eventually able to move past the whole ordeal, never ...

What’s the difference between democracy and some bullets?

Democracy wasn’t stopped by Trump rioters yesterday.

When rebels were combatting Franck’s regime, they found that it was most cost effective to use bullets made of tin

Nobody expects the Spanish tin munition!

If slow zombies like Walking Dead happened then I'm gonna need a lot of bullets. If 28 Days Later style Rage Virus zombies happen...

then I only need one bullet.

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Bet on a bullet (slightly NSFW)

A man walks into a gun shop.

‟I wanna buy a new scope and bullets for my rifle”

‟sure” said the owner handing over a scope ‟if you look out the window,this scope is so powerful you can see into my house”

The man looks,then turns to the shopkeeper and says ‟sorry mate there is a ...

As I saw Tom Cruise firing bullets at an innocent crowd, I immediately made a wish.

It was after all a Shooting Star!

A french soldier had 9 bullets left

"It's neuf or nothing," he said.

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

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It's my cake day, so here's a classic!

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a sex shop and...

Two men are lost in the desert when they spot a tree covered in bacon.

One of the men exclaims "a bacon tree! we're saved". However as he rushes over to it he dies in a hail of bullets. It turns out that it wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

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A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.

On his way to the door the waiter exclaims “why the f*ck did you do that?!”

To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, “i’m a panda, look it up...” before casually walking out the exit

After finding the relevant chapter the ...

Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?

His name was Rick O'Shea

Bullet in the womb

One day a pregnant lady walked into a bank and deposited her money. She then turned around and there was people robbing the bank they told everyone to get on the ground as the lady was pregnant she couldn’t get down in time and got shot three times in the stomach. She had surgery to try and remove t...

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A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum a yells "who the fuck fucked my wife!".

Everybody's silent for a second, then a guy in the back of the bar says "you havent got enough bullets mate"

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they’re fired

If eyes could shoot bullets,

I’d look into a bulletproof mirror.

Bullets

What is the difference between bullets and humans?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Humans miss JFK.

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Joke about Silicon Integraded Systems (super dark) (not funny)

"*if i was in a room, with a pistol with 2 bullets, and in this room there were, Hitler, Stalin and a SIS Integrated GPU, i woud shoot the SIS card 2 times*"

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

What's the difference between everybody and bullets?

Everybody misses Harambe.

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Last week I almost got robbed in the desert...

The robber shot my tires when I was driving and pulled me straight out of the car. He yelled "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY RIGHT NOW!"

I responded "Wait wait wait, before you do, can you shoot my hat? I wanna prove to my family at home I was robbed."

The robber shrugged as I took off my hat ...

There is a restaurant that advertises that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology.

A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be bullshiet, but decides to try it out anyway.

He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?"

Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin ...

So what is the difference between People and Bullets?



.

People miss Gandhi

A guy enters a bar with a gun

A guy enters a bar with a gun and shouts "who slept with my wife?". Everybody stays silent. The guy repeats louder "who the fu*k slept with my wife?". Suddenly someone from other side of the bar answers "you don't have enough bullets"

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

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A woman got shot by 7 bullets in war

She went to the infirmary,where she had surgery to remove the bullets


Doctor : -You will live a normal live,I couldn't get out 2 bullets but they will come out naturally


Then the woman goes on her way and has 2 twins,a boy and a girl


After 15 years,the mom is doing ...

Someone sends you on a quest.

You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.

What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?

I lost gun-trol

Words are like bullets

People fear them if you have a gun.

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A woman who is pregnant with triplets (boys) is walking on the street when all of a sudden she gets shot 3 times in the stomach.

Upon arrival at the hospital the doctor tells her she will live and so will the 3 boys. He also tells her surgery isnt necessary to remove the bullets and the bullets will find its way out the natural way.

10 years have passed since the accident .when 1 of the boys runs up to his mom screamin...

Hus: I got a package with bullets and arabic note today

Wife: Idiot! These are suppositories and the note from doctor.

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One of my favorite jokes

One day, a woman, pregnant with triplets, had some business to do in the bank. Tough luck, 3 minutes into her conversation with an assistant, an armed robber barges into the bank. He was quickly apprehended, but he managed to fire three shots. Unfortunately, all of them hit her right in the belly....

A gunfighter walks into a bar with a smoking revolver.

"I'm all out of bullets and want to buy a round."

Two cowboys are riding along on their horses.

They soon get tired, and are miles away from home after getting lost. They find a near by tree, tie up their horses, and sleep, completely forgetting they have no food and little water.

The next morning they are famished, finally realizing they have no food. On says to the other, “We can kill...

My car can speed faster than bullets, drive under water and knock down evil like bowling pins.

It's a Porsche to be reckoned with

Communist party gathers, main speaker is Stalin. Someone sneezes.

Stalin: Comrades, who sneezed?

Silence.

Stalin: I ask again, comrades, who sneezed?

Silence intensifies.

Stalin: Shoot down first row!

Guards spray the first row with bullets.

Stalin: Comrades, i ask AGAIN, who sneezed?

Dead silence.

Stalin: Sh...

The Three Little Pigs

So we are at the point in the story where all three pigs are in the brick house, and the wolf is outside doing all of his huffing and puffing, and the three pigs are getting clearly agitated. One of them finally says “Enough!”, and he goes and makes a phone call.

In a few minutes, a black se...

What happened when the two bullets got married?

They had a BB.

Three bullets [NSFW] [LONG]

A woman (we'll call her Sally) is pregnant with triplets. She goes to a bank to get some money from her account, but unfortunately, the bank is being robbed. The robber shoots her three times with a gun. Each bullet hits one of her triplets, but she survives and so do they. Three months later, she g...

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy....

Either way, the silver bullets work.

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3 bullets

I don't know if you guys have heard this joke. But here it goes...

There was once a woman who was pregnant with triplets. Unfortunately, one day a burglar came, armed with a gun came into the house and demanded all the cash but they didn't have any to give at hand. The burglar got angry and s...

What do you call an Irishman who can deflect bullets?

Rick O' Shea

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

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RE-RE-RE-REMIX - So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet...

*This is a parody because the original is posted almost daily*

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He lo...

What are all the police officers bullets made out of?

Copper

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A woman pregnant with triplets walks into a bank.

Suddenly, armed men storm in and try to rob the bank. A shootout occurs and the woman is hit by bullets several times.

Shortly after, the woman is brought to the hospital and gets emergency surgery. The surgeon is able to remove all bullets except three due to endangerment to the triplets. ...

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A third grade teacher assigns her students homework

They are to ask their parents for a story with a moral and share it the next day.
The next day the teacher calls on little Peggy-Sue. Peggy-Sue stands and says “My daddy told me about the chickens that we raise for slaughter. One day we bought 12 eggs and only 9 of them hatched. The moral of the...

Bullets are the best employee

It gets fired but still does its job.

What do you call an Irish sniper who kills his opponents by bouncing bullets off of hard surfaces?

Rick O'Shea

Three bullets [long]

A pregnant woman was standing in line at the bank one day, when suddenly, a man in a ski mask stormed in and started shooting up the place.

She was shot in the stomach three times, but was rushed to hospital in time and the doctors were able to save her and her three babies. She had them ...

A woman was pregnant with triplets

A woman was pregnant with triplets.
She was robbed and shot three times in the stomach. A bullet hit each child. The children were ok and the doctors thought it was more risky to try and remove the bullets than it was to leave them in.
Sixteen years later, the oldest girl came into the room cr...

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