In a tragic accident, the circus' human cannonball was killed today.

When asked if he will find a replacement, the Ringmaster responded, "Where will I ever find another man of his caliber?"

[last day working as a human cannonball]

you can't fire me I QUIT!

What happened to Napoleon when he got hit by a cannonball?

He became Napoleon BLOWNapart.

Credits: YT/recycledcitizen

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One of the Saddest Stories I’ve Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team’s plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a wor...

I feel sorry for my circus friend, the human cannonball

He just got fired

A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus.

One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer. The husband was extremely dejected. The strong man asked him what he was going to do.

The husband answered, "This is a disaster. I don't know where I'm going to find another woman of her caliber."

I recently got a job as a human cannonball

Unfortunately I get fired multiple times per day.

Following a particularly good year, the circus decided to spend their profits on a human cannonball exhibit

After the cannon was delivered, they realized that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.


Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one day...

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire…

"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your calibre?"

What’s it called when a cannonball is shot and lands in the barrel of another canon?

Cannonbalism

Did you hear about the man who got job as a human cannonball?

He was so excited he went ballistic.

What do you call a French general after being hit by a cannonball?

Napoleon Blown-aparte

Did you know that the human cannonball circus act has a mortality rate of about 50%?

The other half didn't fare much better. They were all fired

Why do circuses rarely have human cannonballs anymore?

It's hard to find men of that caliber.

The human cannonball informs the circus manager that he plans to retire at the end of season.

The distraught manager protests "Where am I going to find another employee of your caliber?"

The Human Cannonball shows up to the circus one day to tell the Ringmaster he's quitting

Upset, the Ringmaster pleads him not to leave; "Please, don't go!" he says, "Where will I ever find another man of your caliber?"

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A sailor is recruited onto a Pirate ship...

After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain. The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch, is an intimidating-looking man indeed.
<...

I have a joke about a pirate lady who got hit in the chest by a cannonball and needed some good old-fashioned pirate surgery

But it would be funnier with a punchline, wooden tit?

A man and his wife are looking for a job

The man, unable to find any employment in his field, decides to apply for anything he can find in the hopes of earning enough to feed his family.

A few days later, he comes home overjoyed. His wife enquires, and he happily said he found a job as a stuntman in a circus! The pay is good, he ha...

A soldier cried out on the battlefield...

... after being shot at the Battle of Gettysburg. A lieutenant nearby saw him fall to the ground, and asked what was wrong. "They got me in the leg!" he said.

The lieutenant was a tall, athletic man. He briskly picked up the soldier, holding on to his legs as he tossed the torso over his sho...

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A pirate walks into a bar

The bartender notices the pirate has a peg leg.

Bartender: Wow! What happened to your leg?

Pirate: We was in a fight on the high seas and there ‘‘twas a cannonball shot into it. They had to amputate me leg.

The bartender then notices a hook on one of his arms.

Bartender: ...

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[Long] A man notices a pirate and asks him, “Excuse me sir, but why do you have a hook hand?”

The pirate says, “Arr, yes, me hook hand. A sword cut me right below the elbow.”

“Well, what about your peg leg?” Says the man

“Arrr, me peg leg. A cannonball shot me right below the kneecap.”

“Well, what about your patch eye?”

“Arrr, me patch eye, I was standing on the ...

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Another 'Walk into the Bar' joke.

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine." The bartender asks about his wooden leg. "You didn't have that before?" The pirate says, "Well, we were in a battle and I go...

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Pirate

So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says “how are you doing pirate? haven’t seen you in a long time“
The pirate says “doing great, just came back from a very successful series of raids”
The bartender says “really!? You look terrible. What happened to your leg?“
The pirate says ...

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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sure thing. Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you've got a pretty nasty hook for a hand there."

The pirate says "Aye, I lost it in a sword fight."

"Oh that's horrible! Well what about your peg-leg, what happened there?"

"Aye, me leg was blown off by a cann...

I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique

no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.

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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink..

Bartender looks at his peg leg and says, "Hey. What happened to your leg, buddy?"

Pirate says, "Ohh, I got me leg blown off by a cannonball years ago."

Bartender starts pouring another drink, sees the pirate's hook and says, "Wow! What about your arm?"

Pirate says, "Ohhh...

Two French generals...

... of the Napolean army were watching a battle from a nearby hill. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide. "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that...

Three potatoes decide to go to the swimming pool.

The first potato goes to the lowest diving board, does a simple forward flip, and lands flawlessly in the water, before coming back up for air, and swims off.

The second potato climbs to the next diving board, does a more intricate double-backflip in the air, and lands feet-first into the wat...

A man sits down at a bar next to a pirate and starts asking him about his past injuries.

The first thing the man notices is the pirate’s peg leg. “How did you get that wooden leg,” he asks.

The pirate responds, “Oh, a cannonball took my leg off in a fight with a naval frigate.”

“Wow!” the man replies. “So how did you get that hook?” pointing to the pirate’s arm.

The...

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Summers goes to his 20th High school reunion...

He sees and old friend of his. The guy is wearing a 3 cornered hat, he's got a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a black patch over his left eye.

Summers says, "Robey, this is a reunion, not a costume party. What's up?"

Robey says, " Well I always said I wanted to be a pirate, and...

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An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

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A Pirate walked into a bar

A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.

The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"

"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.

"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"

"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonb...

So there's this magical mountain...

...where people jump off, and land in a pool of whatever they yell. There are three chicks, a brown-haired girl, and brunette, and a blonde. The brown-haired girl jumps, and yells "CANDY!", and lands in a huge pool of candy. The brunette jumps off and yells "MONEY!", and lands in a pool of money. Th...

The Moscow State Circus are sad to announce...

The passing of their Human Cannonball.
A spokesman said they hoped that one day they might be able to find a replacement, but aren't sure they'll ever find another man of his calibre.

What's it called when a cannon ball eats another cannon ball?

Cannonball-ism.

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An intern's first day on a pirate ship...

A pirate and his protege are together on a ship. The protege asks the pirate, "Barnabus, how did you get that peg leg?"
The pirate replied "I was in a rigorous battle, attempting to plunder another ship. Out of nowhere came a cannonball, and blew my leg square off!"
"Well then, how did you acq...

The Great Jamboni

The great Jamboni, eccentric human cannonball known for taking his lucky donkey to all his performances, escaped near tragedy today when the donkey climbed into the cannon muzzle just as Jamboni was taking off. It took the surgeons three hours to remove Jamboni’s head from his ass

I am the big shot at my new job.

I am the human cannonball at the circus.

I once fired a cannon off a cliff

Looking back, using a cannonball would probably have been better.

Yo momma's so fat

She did a cannonball, and water was found on Mars.

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A pirate come back from sea...

He stops at the barber for a trim on his beard. The barber is aghast at the sight of the pirate.
Barber : What happened to you??? When you left you were fine but now look at you!!
Pirate: Whaddaya mean to say?
Barber: You got a wooden leg now, when you left you had both legs...
Pirate: ...

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