A tough old rancher once told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14 children, 27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the bo...
My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.
Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.
China has been the most important country for American schools.
Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.
My date took me to his house for the first time today, the most notable thing besides his wit and charm was his very expensive firearm and gunpowder collection.
I knew it as soon as I walked in, "This Guy Fawkes."
Across the breakfast table, the young boy squints at his great grandfather.
"Pop," he says, "You're really old."
The old man chuckles. "I certainly am, son."
"How old are you Pop?"
"Why, I'm eighty-nine."
"Wow." the boy is impressed. "How did you get that old, Pop?"
"Well son, I'll tell you." The old man's faces grows serious, and glances...
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory
And once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.
"Okay Mr. Milly Terry," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened ?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Hugh Cumber was in the mixing room, and I saw hi...
I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long.
He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."
I always thought that was a little weird but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife, seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in t...
A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.
He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.
He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.
He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematori...
An old Soviet anecdote [WARNING: GORE]
A chief talks to his tribe:
— Are we the greatest tribe?
Entire tribe shouts:
— Then we need our own nuclear bomb and a rocket to carry it!
— Let's build them then.
The tribe chopped down the thickest and tallest tree in the forest, ...
Before I die
I will swallow a lot of gunpowder. That should make the cremation a little more interesting
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor...
....if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40...
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Trump's statement regarding China
Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors ...
This week a John Edwards of Des Moines Iowa passed away at the age of 102.
Mr. Edwards was recently asked in an interview what he attributed to his long life and he replied:
"Well every morning I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and before I eat it I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it. I believe the gunpowder keeps me young and vibrant."
Edwards leaves b...
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.
When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.
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A pirate walks into a bar with a leg, hand and eye missing...
ONe of his old friends happens to be in this same bar and immediately calls to him, "Hey, Cap'n! Long time no see! You seem rough, care to explain?"
The captain explains his leg first. "I lost a bet in a gambling, and I had to get into a cannon to be launched into the sea. One of my men got t...
A father tells his 10 year old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life".
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren and a 7 foot crater w...
An old woman in Texas is celebrating her one hundredth birthday.
The local news comes to her birthday party to congratulate her on achieving such an advanced age. They find her in good health and good spirits on her special day. They ask her what her secret to longevity is. She answers immediately and confidently that her method is to eat a tablespoon of gunpowde...
A old friend of mine passed the other day, she was 107 years old, I asked her once what her secret to living so long was, she told me that when she was a child she asked her great grandfather the same question and he told her to sprinkle a teaspoon of gunpowder on top of her oatmeal every morning, ...