What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please.

Wives are like grenades.

Once you remove the ring, boom, everything is gone.

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blownapart

Texas A&M got into a battle with the Longhorns and started throwing grenades.

So the Longhorns took the pins out and threw them back.

What's the difference between a grenade and a wife?

A grenade will only blow your best friend once

99 grenades hanging on the wall, 99 grenades hanging on the wall, and if one grenade was to accidentally fall...

There would be no grenades and no bloody wall!

I bought a grenade today...

Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people...

... then it exploded.

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

There were three guys on a plane

The first guy takes a bite out of an apple and says its too sweet. So he throws it out of the plane.
The second guy takes a bite out of a lemon and says its to sour. He also throws it out of the plane.
The third guy takes a bite of a grenade and says its too hard. So he too throws it out of t...

What do you get when you mix a hog and a hand grenade?

Bacon bits.

I saw a man playing with a grenade...

And warned him, "Be careful! It could explode!".


He replied, "Oh don't worry, I've got more of them."


(Told by my dad's friend and just wanted to share)

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.

If I pulled the pin from a grenade,

how long does it take to expl

What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

What do you call a grenade dropped in a church?

A weapon of Mass destruction

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell because she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the G...

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

I once picked up a grenade in a gun sale, they had knocked off 90% because it was missing a pin or something.

It blew my mind.

A blonde threw a grenade at another

So she pulled the pin and threw it back.

The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"

The soldier.

Little Johnny became a soldier. He got a big knife, an AR 15 and a few hand grenades. He felt pretty good as he had also gotten pretty strong so he decided to go show off to his grandpa.

He gets there and sees his grandpa so he goes:

-Hi grandpa. Look at me, I became a soldier!
...

If I was ever in a war...

instead of throwing a hand grenade, I think I'd throw one of those tiny pumpkins...

Maybe, the other person would see that pumpkin and think about how dumb war is. About all the other things we could be doing like going on walks, drinking a beer, and spending time with loved ones.

And...

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?

If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.

From my father-in-law. "Did you know the Polacks started WWII?"

"Yeah, they threw a grenade at the Germans, and the Germans pulled the pin and threw it back."

His joke not mine. I apologize to my polish friends if this offends you, and yes I'm aware his joke could better or more historically accurate.

Man with a penny, a man with a pole, and a man with a hand grenade

An old joke my cousin told me when we were kids.

A man with a penny gets on an airplane. Once in the air, he drops his penny out of the plane. Later, he goes walking and he sees a little boy crying.

"Little boy, why are you crying?"
"A penny fell from the sky and hit me on the hea...

Three people are on a plane...

...and it's about to crash. The first man throws a hundred dollar bill out the window and prays. The second man throws a brick out of the window and prays. The third man pulls the pin on a grenade, throws it out the window, and prays.

Later, when people are on the scene, they spot a person ye...

My Grandfather never threw anything away, bless him

He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade

"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"

- probably Helen Keller

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:

Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.

Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear

You can actually hear the world getting smarter.

A bullet may have a name written on it

But a grenade simply says "to whom it may concern"

The guys on a plane

There are three guys on a plane that is plummeting to earth. As the plane is falling they all throw an object out of it wondering what would happen. The first guy throws an apple out of the plane the second guy throws a pear out of the plane and the third guy throws a grenade out of the plane. When ...

What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?

Flash-banged.

;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard this some 30-years ago in the Navy...

An Air Force General, Marine General, Army General and a Navy Admiral have a bet on which service has the most balls…



The Marine general grunts, “I’ll solve this right now!” calls for a company of Marines, pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it in the middle shouting, “Grenade!” One...

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

A guy with an unfortunate last name...(long format)

Joins the army. His last name has the odd distinction of having two z's at the start of it and since everything in the military is done alphabetically hes always the last guy in line.

One day their sergeant gets the entire company together for training:

"Alright! We're gonna have you a...

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