Grenade Jokes - 34 Hilarious Grenade Jokes

How do you put the pin back in a Grenade?

Quick answers please.

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the G...

Why would a flash bang grenade be ineffective on Helen Keller?

Because she's dead.

If I pulled the pin from a grenade,

how long does it take to expl

Chuck Norris killed 50 enemy combatants with a grenade

Then the grenade exploded.

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

What do you call a grenade in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart

Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in?

I need a quick answer to this question

I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

99 grenades hanging on the wall, 99 grenades hanging on the wall, and if one grenade was to accidentally fall...

There would be no grenades and no bloody wall!

You are able to cook a grenade

But they should specify that it’s non-microwaveable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hand Grenade Sale

One day a man was walking down the street with his wife, and his wife’s boyfriend.

As they were walking they happened upon a flea market, with tons of booths setup selling all kinds of goods. Each booth had a sign above with the items they were selling.

Hand made blankets 2 for 10$...

What is the difference between a marriage and a hand grenade?

>!None!!<

>!If you pull off the ring the house is gone...!<

War. A battalion is under heavy enemy fire.

The commander gathers his soldiers and explains:

**Commander**: Listen men, we can't hold for long. We must retreat and come back with reinforcements. However, someone must stay behind and cover our backs. And whoever he is... our supply situation is bad. All we can give him is three grenades...

I saw a man playing with a grenade...

And warned him, "Be careful! It could explode!".

He replied, "Oh don't worry, I've got more of them."

(Told by my dad's friend and just wanted to share)

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

A Wolf and a Hare are being drafted into the army.

The Hare goes in first to be tested. An officer shows him a pistol:

O: What's that?

H: I don't know.

O (showing him an assault rifle): What's that?

H: I don't know.

O (showing him a grenade): What's that?

H: I don't know.

O (showing him a brick): What...

How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?

If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

I made a headset out of grenades

It was mind-blowing

What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell. She's got a grenade in her mouth.

Texas A&M got into a battle with the Longhorns and started throwing grenades.

So the Longhorns took the pins out and threw them back.

"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"

- probably Helen Keller

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

One Marine is better than...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters".

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, ...

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

What did the fence builder say when his fence fell down after driving the last pilon into an old buried hand grenade?

Wow, didn't expect this post to blow up!

Man with a penny, a man with a pole, and a man with a hand grenade

An old joke my cousin told me when we were kids.

A man with a penny gets on an airplane. Once in the air, he drops his penny out of the plane. Later, he goes walking and he sees a little boy crying.

"Little boy, why are you crying?"
"A penny fell from the sky and hit me on the hea...

What do you get when you mix a hog and a hand grenade?

Bacon bits.

Military exercise

Drill Sargeant: Listen up ladies, you see these sticks? Pinecones?, Those are your training weapons!

John: So a stick is our rifle? And pinecones are grenades?

Drill sargeant: Look who's catching on, yes If you believe hard enough you won't need an actual rifle or a grenade. Not just s...

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