UPJOKE
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How do you put the pin back in a Grenade?

Quick answers please.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground, they were walking down the street and saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they were, they went up to ask her why she was crying.
She said- "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat, and now my cat is dead."
The men said they were very sorry to here tha...

What is the difference between a marriage and a hand grenade?

>!None!!<

>!If you pull off the ring the house is gone...!<

You are able to cook a grenade

But they should specify that it’s non-microwaveable.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a...

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run faster...... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French Bathroom?

linoleon Blownaparte.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded

What's the similarity between a grenade and an STD?

Fire in the hole!

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the G...

What did the fence builder say when his fence fell down after driving the last pilon into an old buried hand grenade?

Wow, didn't expect this post to blow up!

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hand Grenade Sale

One day a man was walking down the street with his wife, and his wife’s boyfriend.

As they were walking they happened upon a flea market, with tons of booths setup selling all kinds of goods. Each booth had a sign above with the items they were selling.

Hand made blankets 2 for 10$...

What's the difference between a grenade and a wife?

A grenade will only blow your best friend once

I bought a grenade today...

Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

A grenade got thrown at me, so i took a photo and posted it on Reddit.

Edit: wow this blew up

If I pulled the pin from a grenade,

how long does it take to expl

What do you call a lemon grenade?

Lemonade!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day in class the teacher asks the students to tell a story that has a lesson?

Suzie puts her hand up and tells a story about the time she was at the beach and jumped into the water and cut her leg badly on a jagged rock she didn't see. She said the lesson of the story was to look before you leap.

Next Pete told a story about how he went with his dad to a junkyard and t...

Is there any way to put the pin of a grenade back in?

Guys, I'm gonna need a quick answer on this one..

99 grenades hanging on the wall, 99 grenades hanging on the wall, and if one grenade was to accidentally fall...

There would be no grenades and no bloody wall!

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

I saw a man playing with a grenade...

And warned him, "Be careful! It could explode!".


He replied, "Oh don't worry, I've got more of them."


(Told by my dad's friend and just wanted to share)

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

What do you get when you mix a hog and a hand grenade?

Bacon bits.

Texas A&M got into a battle with the Longhorns and started throwing grenades.

So the Longhorns took the pins out and threw them back.

I made a headset out of grenades

It was mind-blowing

What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

There was a DEA agent who was a stoner on his off-time. His M.O. was that he always smoked weed at or near a dealer's house, and then staged a raid on that house, always with tear gas and smoke grenades. His motto:

First I smoke the joint. Then I smoke the joint.

I once picked up a grenade in a gun sale, they had knocked off 90% because it was missing a pin or something.

It blew my mind.

Most common Last words before death

1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it‘s 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it‘s ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let‘s have ...

How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?

If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.

A policeman, an archer, and a soldier are on an airplane losing altitude.

The pilot yells to these passengers, "We're carrying too much weight, drop whatever you got!"

The policeman drops his pistol, the archer drops his bow and arrow, and the soldier drops a grenade out of the hatch door.

The plane still crashes, and all three passengers wake up in differen...

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear

You can actually hear the world getting smarter.

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:

Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"

- probably Helen Keller

Man with a penny, a man with a pole, and a man with a hand grenade

An old joke my cousin told me when we were kids.

A man with a penny gets on an airplane. Once in the air, he drops his penny out of the plane. Later, he goes walking and he sees a little boy crying.

"Little boy, why are you crying?"
"A penny fell from the sky and hit me on the hea...

Bear With Me...

A guy goes hunting with a shotgun. He spots a great big BEAR in the woods. He aims, fires, a blast of smoke fills the air.

The smoke clears and... nothing. The guy feels a tap on his shoulder. Turns around, it's THE BEAR!

The Bear says "Bend over."

The next year the guy goes h...

My grandfather never threw anything away. Bless him.

He even died, holding on to a grenade in the war.

There once was a soldier who's name was Dave

His men thought for sure he was very brave.

Dave's own platoon got ambushed once at war.

It was up to him to even the score.



One of his comrades gave out a wave

To signal some help from his great friend Dave.

A soldier got hit by a close grenade.

He ...

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