What does a hand grenade have in common with a wife?

Take off the ring and your house is gone


This post sure "blew up"


Just like my house

When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people...

... then it exploded.

What do you get when you mix a hog and a hand grenade?

Bacon bits.

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

What's the difference between women and grenades?

None, if you take off the ring, half of your house is gone

I saw a man playing with a grenade...

And warned him, "Be careful! It could explode!".


He replied, "Oh don't worry, I've got more of them."


(Told by my dad's friend and just wanted to share)

I bought a grenade today...

Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.

What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

If I pulled the pin from a grenade,

how long does it take to expl

Playing fetch with grenades

So I played fetch with my dog using a flash bang, I got sued by PETA.

Then I played fetch with my dog using a frag grenade, and I got offered a job from PETA.

What's the difference between a grenade and a wife?

You have to pull the ring out of a grenade, to make it blow a bunch of other guys.

What do you call a grenade dropped in a church?

A weapon of Mass destruction

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the Gene...

What do you call a hand grenade that was thrown into a french kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

I once picked up a grenade in a gun sale, they had knocked off 90% because it was missing a pin or something.

It blew my mind.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

A blonde threw a grenade at another

So she pulled the pin and threw it back.

The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

When you pull the ring off, your house goes away.

Man with a penny, a man with a pole, and a man with a hand grenade

An old joke my cousin told me when we were kids.

A man with a penny gets on an airplane. Once in the air, he drops his penny out of the plane. Later, he goes walking and he sees a little boy crying.

"Little boy, why are you crying?"
"A penny fell from the sky and hit me on the hea...

How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?

If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nazis invade a village

Rob, not wanting to be caught, jumps and hides in a well.
A Nazi approaches the well, has a rest, looks inside the well and says:
-Achtung!
-Rob acts as the echo:-Achtung..achtung..chtung
Nazi: -Best be in my way
Rob-Best be on my way..way...way
Nazi:-Grenade in well first
Rob...

"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"

- probably Helen Keller

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:

Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there were 3 people in an airplane.

One took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane.

The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.

Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too ...

Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear

You can actually hear the world getting smarter.

What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?

Flash-banged.

;)

Beware of alphabet grenades...

Beware of alphabet grenades, if you throw them it could spell disaster...

A bullet may have a name written on it

But a grenade simply says "to whom it may concern"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard this some 30-years ago in the Navy...

An Air Force General, Marine General, Army General and a Navy Admiral have a bet on which service has the most balls…



The Marine general grunts, “I’ll solve this right now!” calls for a company of Marines, pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it in the middle shouting, “Grenade!” One...

There are 3 men in a plane going over a city( a little bit long )

The first man is a football player and in the middle of the flight he throws his football out the window and says I won’t need this anymore.
The second guy is a businessman and a few minutes after the first man he throws his suitcase out the window and says I won’t need this anymore.
The thi...

My Grandad died because he couldn't let anything go

He died holding a hand grenade

It's time to go to war!

Two armies at war. Red v Blue (let's say).. the Blue army Master Sergeant comes up to the First Sergeant.

MS: "Sir! We are completely out of weapons and ammo. What are we going to do when Red attacks tomorrow?"

FS: "Well.. (He ponders for a sec) When you see them come over the hill, go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a hunter goes out to the forest

He’s just looking for a simple blacktail deer, but he hears big footsteps so he walks to the edge of a clearing. In the middle of the clearing, there’s a huge bear. The farmer aims down his sights, and shoots the bear. He looks up, and the bear is gone.

Suddenly, he feels a *tap tap tap* on h...

Soldier's letter to his grandma

A letter arrives with a hand grenade in it,it says: Granny, pull this pin so I can get two weeks leave,love you.

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

What type of explosives do frogs use?

FROGmentation grenades.

The Detroit Lions have almost assembled a team to win the Super Bowl...

All that’s missing is a great quarterback. A scout has been looking everywhere for someone good enough, but cheap enough to keep them under the salary cap.

The scout, after a long day of searching, comes home defeated. He slumps down into his chair and decides to watch the news.

As h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenager was standing in front of a recruiter, about to sign his life away to the Marines.

The recruiter promised him adventure and action, and the teenager was buying it all up. He finished his training (Semper Fi!) and was immediately given his first posting: he was going to Afghanistan. Being an FNG, the Devil Dog worked long and worked hard, but by the end of his tour, he felt he had ...

A guy with an unfortunate last name...(long format)

Joins the army. His last name has the odd distinction of having two z's at the start of it and since everything in the military is done alphabetically hes always the last guy in line.

One day their sergeant gets the entire company together for training:

"Alright! We're gonna have you a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Haven't seen this one on reddit yet

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in separate planes flying over there respective countries.
The Englishman looks out the window and tosses out a crate of tea and states "I give the gift of tea to my people".
The Frenchman looks out his window and tosses a case of crosses out...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.