When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade that killed 15 people

Then it exploded

A wife is like a hand grenade.

Pull the ring and your house is gone

I bought a grenade today...

Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

What's the difference between a grenade and a wife?

You have to pull the ring out of a grenade, to make it blow a bunch of other guys.

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

If I pulled the pin from a grenade,

how long does it take to expl

Playing fetch with grenades

So I played fetch with my dog using a flash bang, I got sued by PETA.

Then I played fetch with my dog using a frag grenade, and I got offered a job from PETA.

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

What do you call a grenade dropped in a church?

A weapon of Mass destruction

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the Gene...

What do you call a hand grenade that was thrown into a french kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

I once picked up a grenade in a gun sale, they had knocked off 90% because it was missing a pin or something.

It blew my mind.

A blonde threw a grenade at another

So she pulled the pin and threw it back.

The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

I like my women like I like my grenades

Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.

Man with a penny, a man with a pole, and a man with a hand grenade

An old joke my cousin told me when we were kids.

A man with a penny gets on an airplane. Once in the air, he drops his penny out of the plane. Later, he goes walking and he sees a little boy crying.

"Little boy, why are you crying?"
"A penny fell from the sky and hit me on the hea...

How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?

If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.

"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"

- probably Helen Keller

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once there were 3 people in an airplane.

One took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane.

The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.

Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too ...

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

When you pull the ring off, your house goes away.

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:

Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.

What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?

Everybody gets a piece.

Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear

You can actually hear the world getting smarter.

What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?

Flash-banged.

;)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

26 groaners

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still....

Beware of alphabet grenades...

Beware of alphabet grenades, if you throw them it could spell disaster...

There are 3 men in a plane going over a city( a little bit long )

The first man is a football player and in the middle of the flight he throws his football out the window and says I won’t need this anymore.
The second guy is a businessman and a few minutes after the first man he throws his suitcase out the window and says I won’t need this anymore.
The thi...

What type of explosives do frogs use?

FROGmentation grenades.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to th...

The Detroit Lions have almost assembled a team to win the Super Bowl...

All that’s missing is a great quarterback. A scout has been looking everywhere for someone good enough, but cheap enough to keep them under the salary cap.

The scout, after a long day of searching, comes home defeated. He slumps down into his chair and decides to watch the news.

As h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a hunter goes out to the forest

He’s just looking for a simple blacktail deer, but he hears big footsteps so he walks to the edge of a clearing. In the middle of the clearing, there’s a huge bear. The farmer aims down his sights, and shoots the bear. He looks up, and the bear is gone.

Suddenly, he feels a *tap tap tap* on h...

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

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A teenager was standing in front of a recruiter, about to sign his life away to the Marines.

The recruiter promised him adventure and action, and the teenager was buying it all up. He finished his training (Semper Fi!) and was immediately given his first posting: he was going to Afghanistan. Being an FNG, the Devil Dog worked long and worked hard, but by the end of his tour, he felt he had ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two tribes go to war

There were 2 tribes in a war with each other. One tribe wins and takes 3 prisoners from the other tribe.the leader says

"i will let you go if you collect 10 of one fruit from the forest." So they went. The first guy comes back with oranges.

The leader says "you must shove all 10 of t...

A guy with an unfortunate last name...(long format)

Joins the army. His last name has the odd distinction of having two z's at the start of it and since everything in the military is done alphabetically hes always the last guy in line.

One day their sergeant gets the entire company together for training:

"Alright! We're gonna have you a...

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Philadelphia Eagles. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.

He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier wit...

A soldier, a ninja, and a cowboy

Are flying over a city in a helicopter getting ready to land after a long battle, all three are sitting in silence until the ninja pulls out a throwing star and tosses it out of the chopper.

The soldier looks at him funny and asks why he did that. The ninja replies, "it is a time honored tra...

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Haven't seen this one on reddit yet

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in separate planes flying over there respective countries.
The Englishman looks out the window and tosses out a crate of tea and states "I give the gift of tea to my people".
The Frenchman looks out his window and tosses a case of crosses out...

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NSFW a request

A couple of soldiers are on a battlefield fighting from a trench. The enemy is slowly gaining ground on their position and they all realize that they are about to die.

One soldier says to the others: “hey guys, we’re about to die. Before we do, would one of you mind giving me a blowjob”?
...

German soldiers are chasing two partisans

And the two partisans hide in the water well.

The German soldiers approach the well and one soldier looks down in the well and says "I can't see anything"...the echo comes back "I can't see anything".

Then the second German soldier looks down in the well and says "Maybe they hide in th...

A physicist , engineer and a statistician are on a hunting trip through the woods when they spot a deer.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 10 feet to the left.

The engineer says, "You forgot about air resistance. Give it here." He calculates wind speed and direction on his notepad, missing the d...

Three men are in a helicopter.

They urge one another to throw things off the side. The first says "Watch this!" and drops a rusty nail out of the helicopter.

"That's nothing!" says the second man, who proceeds to drop three rusty nails out of the helicopter.

The third man smiles, says "Take a load of this," and drop...

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Three men are on a plane.

Three men are on a plane when the Pilot makes an emergency announcement.

"We are losing altitude fast! Throw things off of the plane so we can land safely!"

The first man throws out a cabin chair.

The second man throws out a door.

The third man throws out a grenade.
...

Shortly after the beginning of the war in Afghanistan.....

...the news showed a clip of a young Afghani man in the midst of a battle in a city. The young man grabbed a grenade and hurled it some 70 yards into the fifth-floor window of a building, blowing the building up and saving several American soldiers.

A scout for the Detroit Lions happened to ...

There are 3 helicopter pilots...

One has an apple, one has a banana, and one has a hand grenade. The first pilot doesn't want his apple so he throws it out the window, the second pilot doesn't want his banana so he throws it out the window, and the third pilot doesn't want his hand grenade, so he throws it out the window. When the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Grandpa was an amazing man

My grandpa left school and was told by his parents, whom could clearly afford it, that if he wanted to study at university he would need to pay his own way. Well he did exactly that and took a role as a mail boy in a merchant bank.

When WW1 broke he was drafted and fought as a officer in the ...

Sad news from Australia

The inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

I remember what my dad said before he kicked the bucket

He said, "I'm gonna kick this bucket."
Unfortunately there was a grenade in that bucket

The General's Report

An Army general was in Washington for a meeting and decided to call his base for a report. A young private answered the phone.

"I'd like an inventory report of the base please," stated the general.

The private had not dealt with such a request before and thought it was a fellow private...