What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?
You pull off the ring and then your house is gone
What do women and hand grenades have in common?
If you take off the ring, your house is gone.
Is there any way to put the pin of a grenade back in?
Guys, I'm gonna need a quick answer on this one..
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed ten Communists...
...and then the grenade went off.
Depressing pickup lines.
Are you suicide? Because I think about you every day.
Are you a toaster? Because I really want to take a bath with you.
Are you a noose? Because I really want to hang with you.
Are you a gravestone? Because I really wish you were on top of me.
Are you anti-...
During boot camp training, a young mathematician is instructed to pull the pin of a grenade, count down from three and then throw.
He died by -6.
Texas A&M got into a battle with the Longhorns and started throwing grenades.
So the Longhorns took the pins out and threw them back.
What's the difference between a grenade and a wife?
A grenade will only blow your best friend once
I made a headset out of grenades
It was mind-blowing
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
I bought a grenade today...
Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.
99 grenades hanging on the wall, 99 grenades hanging on the wall, and if one grenade was to accidentally fall...
There would be no grenades and no bloody wall!
3 guys are on a plane
First guy throws out an apple and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.
Second guy throws out an orange and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.
Third guy throws out a grenade and the other two ask...
What do you get when you mix a hog and a hand grenade?
There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.
When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...
What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?
If I pulled the pin from a grenade,
how long does it take to expl
What do you call a grenade dropped in a church?
A weapon of Mass destruction
I saw a man playing with a grenade...
And warned him, "Be careful! It could explode!".
He replied, "Oh don't worry, I've got more of them."
(Told by my dad's friend and just wanted to share)
A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade
, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.
Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.
He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the G...
Two Blond men find three grenades
They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:
What happens if one of them explodes?
The other one replied: We’ll just tell them we found two.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?
A Flash Bang.
A banker, librarian and a soldier get on a plane...
After a while the banker drops a typewriter from the plane: meanwhile a little boy is walking down the sidewalk, he finds a little girl crying. He asks her "Why are you crying?" "A typewriter hit my head!" she replies. The boy carries on with his day. A little later the librarian drops a book. The b...
Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"
The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"
The guardsman, the commissar, and the orks.
Preface: In case you are not familiar with the Warhammer universe, if enough orks believe something, reality will warp to make it so. And no... I am not the author of the joke... Do get over it please.
Once upon a time, there was a fierce battle raging in the jungle between the Imperi...
A blonde threw a grenade at another
So she pulled the pin and threw it back.
The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"
I once picked up a grenade in a gun sale, they had knocked off 90% because it was missing a pin or something.
It blew my mind.
The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.
Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.
His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly
How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?
If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.
Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.
"Isn't that a little... excessive?"
"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.
"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"
- probably Helen Keller
Little Johnny became a soldier. He got a big knife, an AR 15 and a few hand grenades. He felt pretty good as he had also gotten pretty strong so he decided to go show off to his grandpa.
He gets there and sees his grandpa so he goes:
-Hi grandpa. Look at me, I became a soldier!
What do a big bar of chocolate and a frag grenade have in common?
Everybody gets a piece.
A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
Dearest Mom, If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.
Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear
You can actually hear the world getting smarter.
Three people are on a plane...
...and it's about to crash. The first man throws a hundred dollar bill out the window and prays. The second man throws a brick out of the window and prays. The third man pulls the pin on a grenade, throws it out the window, and prays.
Later, when people are on the scene, they spot a person ye...
From my father-in-law. "Did you know the Polacks started WWII?"
"Yeah, they threw a grenade at the Germans, and the Germans pulled the pin and threw it back."
His joke not mine. I apologize to my polish friends if this offends you, and yes I'm aware his joke could better or more historically accurate.
My Grandfather never threw anything away, bless him
He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade
What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?