If shotgun slugs are inside shotgun shells...

Does that make them shotgun snails?

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

How do you show a slug who’s boss?

Assault him.

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A bartender is closing up for the night, when he hears a tiny "thud, thud" on the door. He opens it up and sees a slug...

The slug says "are you open?"

Bartender says "no, we're closed" and shuts the door.

A few minutes later, he hears another tiny "thud, thud" on the door. He opens the door to see the same slug. "Can I please have a beer?" the slug asks. "I'm really thirsty."

"No, we're closed" t...

What do you do if you see two snails fighting

Nothing, just let them slug it out

Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night?

To protect themselves from a salt

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

Took the shell off of my racing snail this weekend

Thought it might speed him up
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

I'm currently studying snails and slugs.

It's safe to say I'm a slow learner.

Why did the slug die after being mugged?

He was a-salted.

Why do slugs die when you beat them in video games?

They get salty

A snail is walking home from the pub one night, when he gets beaten up and mugged by two slugs...

He goes to the police, who ask him for a description of the attackers.

"To be honest, it all happened so fast..."

A slug was assaulted by a snail...

...and the snail was arrested and brought to trial.

At the trial the judge said, "OK, slug, tell the court what happened."

The slug said, "I don't know, your honor...everything happened so fast."

A blind rabbit and a blind slug

A blind rabbit and a blind slug are moving through the woods until the two of them bump into each other.

The slug reaches out, touches the rabbit, and says "You're soft and fluffy. You must be a rabbit."

The rabbit reaches out, touches the slug, and says "You're cold and slimy. You mus...

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a slug?

Slime Shady.

I killed a slug last night...

Got arrested for assault.

Two snails are on the beach.

When they encounter a slug.

"Quick! Turn around! We're on a nudist beach!" says one snail to the other

What do you call a snail in a shotgun shell?

A slug

Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, an...

A lawyer was late for an appointment at his office and decided to run a stop sign.

As luck would have it, a farmer was proceeding through on his tractor at that very moment, and there was a tremendous crash! Fortunately, no one was hurt.

The lawyer decided to go on the offense and jumped out of his car.

"You idiot!" he yelled. "Why weren't you paying attention? Now...

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A Couple having sex in the garden at night....

He says "I wish i had a torch" she says "So do I, you've been licking that slug on the grass for the last ten minutes"

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A man named Ted is unable to put alcohol down.

His thirst for liquor is unquenchable. All he does every day is drink and drink. Rum, tequila, beer, vodka, he has it all. Doesn't matter how it tastes or looks; he'll down it.

At first it started out at a simple party at Dominc's place. His best bud, Bob, invited him so he couldn't say no. P...

We thought we had made a better world.

We modified our DNA to portray emotions. Your face would turn green if you told the truth, red if you lied. The darker it turned, the more passionate you were. Some specialty shops would even modify the DNA to allow for additional emotions to be displayed with skin grafts - a yellow strip for calmne...

The Pope's Alaska Visit

The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from t...

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A Russian, a Mexican, an American and a lawyer are sitting around a campfire.

After a few hours of sitting around the fire, the Russian guy pulls out a bottle of Vodka and a gun. He takes a big pull then throws the bottle into the air and shoots it.

The American guy says, "What the hell did you do that for? That was damn good Russian Vodka."

The Russian man repl...

A dentist goes to the bar every day at 4:30...

He comes like clockwork every weekday. And, every day he orders the same drink- an almond daiquiri. He's so consistent, that the bartender starts making his drink at 4:25.

One day, the bartender discovers to his horror that he's out of almonds. So he makes it with Hickory nuts. The dentist...

A man is lost in the back roads of Vermont when he collides with a local at the intersection...

He and the local got out to examine their bent fenders.
"Well, don't look like much," observed the local. "Why don't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves." He grabbed the jug from his battered pickup, removed the stopper and handed it to the tourist.
After taking a good slug, the to...

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Two drunks

Two drunks are walking down the street, both dying for a drink when they turn a corner and find themselves on street that is nothing but bars. They dig in their pockets and one pulls out $1.15 and the other $1.40...
"Damn, we can't even afford one drink!" one exclaims.
The other thinks ...

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Old Joe, the blind fur trader walks into a bar...

After sitting down and folding up his blind poking stick he says, "I'll bet anyone here $50 here I can guess what your pelt is and what you killed it with!"

The first taker throws a pelt on his table. Joe feels the fur, tests its texture and smell, feels the wound of the killing blow. Says, "...

Waiter Jokes.

Customer: Waiter there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Gee...look's like it's doin' the backstroke.

Customer: Waiter there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Don't worry sir, we don't charge for extra ingredients.

Customer: Waiter, there's a DEMON in my soup.
Waiter: Well sir, you said y...

So there were these two roads sitting in a crowded bar...

So there were these two roads sitting in a crowded bar enjoying a hard-earned drink after a tough day of being roads.
They've had a few shots of tarquila each and are beginning to talk tough.

The first road slugs down another shot and says "You know... I reckon I'm the best road in the cou...

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