My mate Tom lost his two big toes in an accident. We now call him ...

Tomatoes

I wish you were my big toe

So I could bang you on my coffee table

Dang girl, I want to treat you like my big toe...

...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)

What do you do if an Elephant breaks his big toe?

Call a big toe truck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old one about a guy and his big toe

So this guy has had a sexual fantasy for years about having sex with a gal using his big toe. After years of thinking about non-stop and never finding a gal to participate, he hires a hooker.

She obliges and it is just as awesome as he thought it would be, but a week later he gets a crazy ras...

What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?

A big toe-truck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her.

The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wakes up and notices that the flesh of his toe is sore and a little pink and tender. He ignores it, but after a few days decides to go see his doctor when the s...

Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds...

Right on my big toe. It’s broken now I can hardly walk

A man came home to a note from his wife that said

"I'm leaving you because you are stupid and bigoted"
He wrote her back saying, "I'm not stupid, I'm just dyslexic. And how the hell can I help it if I have big toes?!"

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A Man Walks Into the Neigbourhood Bar

He goes in and orders a drink for himself. He notices an attractive lady sitting by herself a couple tables away. Too attractive for someone of his own league, he thinks to himself.

Halfway through too many drinks though, he ends up plucking up enough courage and approaches her. "May I sit do...

TRUE STORY:

Just had gotten groceries the other night and was putting them away, when I accidently dropped a jar of blackberry preserves on my big toe. talk about real toe jam.

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Severance Packages

The department of defense, in an effort to cut some costs decides to offer severance packages to some superfluous higher ranking officers. The offer is an honorable discharge and $1,000 for every inch between two points of their body of their choosing.

A Navy admiral takes this opportunity an...

A brother and a sister are hanging out...

and the brother is barefoot. He notices his sister has been staring at his feet for awhile, so he asks,

Bro: “What’s up, why are you staring at my feet?”

Sis: “Well, i was just curious...”

Bro: “About?”

She points to his big toe

Sis: “Is that the process which moth...

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.

The groom looked at his beautiful bride,...

A question on an internet forum...

A question on an internet forum:

Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.

A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.

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