UPJOKE
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A man is concerned about his wife's hearing

So he goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”

The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfwa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

My favorite joke I was told as a child.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cow without legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow masturbating?

Beef stroganoff. (technically cows can't masturbate)

Why is it a good idea to ask a cow to help you move?

Because beef stroganoff

Why should you always knock before entering the Hamburger Helper Mascot’s room?

He might beef stroganoff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my 16 year old son could invite his friends to have dinner with us.

He went down to the basement and I heard him say “Hey guys, wanna stay for dinner, we’re eating a masterbating cow!”

So I yelled down “Don’t be an ass! It’s Beef stroganoff”

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the beef stroganoff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few I picked up...

JOKES!

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five drinks please"

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle.

Coconut

What do dentists call their X-rays?

Toothpicks

Dir...

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