Bandaid Jokes

It’s really hard to pull it off.

“To treat me owies…”

But I always have a hard time pulling it off.

They don’t like getting ripped off.

... Is a bloody ripoff.

... and orders a pumpkin spice beer. "Have you decided on a Halloween costume yet?" the bartender asks. "Not yet. I was going to go as a bandaid, but I decided against it," the guy replies. "It's really hard to pull off."

He hasn't eaten anything all day and is terribly hungry. Down the bar he sees another man leaning over a steaming bowl of chili, but the man isn't eating his chili, just looking at it.
Stomach rumbling he calls out to his neighbor "are you planning on eating that?"
The other man shakes his he... read more

My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she’d been injured. She told me she’d be hit between the first and second holes.

To which I replied: “That doesn’t leave much room for a bandaid!”

So one Friday, this guy gets off work and hes is really craving his usual Friday meal, some vegetable soup from his favorite diner. He arrives, sits down at his table and asks the waiter for the usual.

"One bowl of vegetable soup, please!" The waiter responds "I'm so sorry sir, but the gentle... read more

As the night went on, someone put a glass on his chair, he sat on it and they all laughed and laughed. Finally he goes home at 3 AM, and quietly opens the door. He realizes he needs to take care of his cuts, gets a box of bandaids, and carefully applies them in front of the hall mirror. The next m... read more

"Um, sir, those are bandaids."

"I'd like to return these bandaids. I think someone ate some."