I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median

Is that normal?

A man was riding on the bus and reading and article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says "did you know that everytime I breathe somebody's dies?"

The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"

Here's an interesting statistic about herd mentality:

It affects 10 in 10 people.

Today I Learnt... Statistics is mainly about..

Rejecting H0s.

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trigonometry, I’ll even do statistics.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

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Read an interesting statistic on mammography technologists

They all have a boob job

What’s different between stock market and statistics??

Some people do get statistics

Statistics are like bikinis....

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

can somebody tell me how statistics are done

mathematician: by all means

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Statistics show that on average people have sex 89 times per year.

With that being said, I’m about to have a wild couple of days.

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The professor of statistics and logistics.

So a friend told me this joke. It was created by Norm MacDonald. Hopefully I don't butcher it. Also, I'm on mobile, so I apologize if it's weirdly formatted.

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A new guy moves into a cul de sac. One of the neighbors comes up to him and starts small talk.

"So what...

69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

I didn’t think I’d ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework.

What are the odds?

Statistics can be misleading.

For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

No matter what statistics partisan hacks use to back up their lies today, just remember that mathematics....

...is the true source of division.

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "Hell, anybody can win the lottery."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts

They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

Statistics are like a mini skirt

They promise a lot but show nothing

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

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Statistically, 1 out of 10 friends is gay.

I hope its Steve, he's really cute

There are 3 types of lies

1. A lie

2. A damn lie

3. Statistics


Got told this by statistics professor yrs ago. Also bonus: 87.9% of statistics are made up.

Statistics Show

The number one fear is public speaking. The second is death.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

My friend told me a statistic today, however I found it was false

Did you know 80% of statistics are false?

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

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I just overslept and missed my first statistics class.

What are the chances of that?

Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

My Statistics teacher said I was just average.

I told him that’s mean...

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

The Police has revealed their statistics for the last 48 hours.

Theft: 0 cases

Killings: 0 cases

Prostitution: 0 cases

Family and roommate quarrels: 8720 cases

True, but not true?

I read an article that claimed 1 in 5 statements are false or misleading, but the other 4 statements in the same article seemed pretty accurate to me, so I am fairly certain that statistic is wrong.

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Statistics show 55% of men in Oakland have had sex in the shower

\-The rest haven't been to prison yet

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Shocking statistics show that somebody in London gets stabbed every 72 seconds

Poor bastard

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

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Sexual fetishes are getting seperate volume in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

There is now the a-DSM and the b-DSM.

The CDC is now recommending wearing TWO masks as a way to get a better seal around your nose and mouth.

It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

Statistically speaking

6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy

I just read a statistic on the most common way a person walks when they have been drinking.

It’s staggering.

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Person 1 : I used to think correlation implied causation. Then i took a statistics class. Now I don't

Person 2 : I think the class helped

Person 1 : maybe

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Based on statistics

The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

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Sherlock and Watson go camping

After a nice fire, roasting s'mores, and talking for a few hours, they finally crawl into their tent and go to sleep.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. "Tell me Watson" he said "What can you deduce by looking at the stars?"

Watson, slightly puzzled, said "Well, ...

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

I'm the worst student in my statistics class

I got a 58% on my last test and cheered.

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High School on Valentine's Day

A high school thought it might be a fun activity to let the teenagers cut out paper hearts, put the name or wish of their valentine on the card anonymously, and hang them on a chainlink fence at the entrance of the school. Of course someone had to take them all off afterwards. So the day following V...

I was talking to some friends about my fetish for anything statistics related...

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

If you're ever losing an argument, randomly quote a statistic

People will believe you 80% of the time.

You know I read a wild statistic the other day that said like a woman is 70 percent more likely to laugh if she finds the dude attractive

At least I know I’m funny

Thousands of people die every day. Thats just a statistic.

But for some reason when i kill them it’s monstrosity instead.

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

Statistically speaking

9/11 Americans won't appreciate this joke.

This is a frightening statistic

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others

that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Hmm....

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

"It was recently proven that 80% of people will believe any statistic they read online."

-Abraham Lincoln

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Statistically, I have sex 86 times per year.

This is going to be an exciting week.

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

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Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

Did you know that, statistically, only one in seven dwarfs...

Is happy?

Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation?

It was a real bad after-math.

I hate statistics jokes

They're all mean.

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According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Why is statistics never anyone's favorite subject?

It's just average.

My statistic skills are mediocre at best

And average at worst

Statistics show that 85% of all Redditors reading this

Need to put their phone down and wipe.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

They say one in three children born is Chinese...

... I did some research over the past years. I now have 30 children, and none of them is Chinese. I say the statistics are just wrong...

Two Statistics majors walk into a bar

What're the chances!

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.

They do, however, say "zed".

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

Phone statistics in third world countries:

Phone statistics in third world countries:


Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Statistically...

9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

Why did Han Solo get an 'F' in Statistics class?

Because he kept telling the teacher, "Never tell me the odds!"

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

Indian men are statistically the least likely to get laid

No wonder even their parents call them beta.

What did Santa say to a Statistics class?

Null hypothesis Null hypothesis Null hypothesis

I looked up car crash statistics online

The results were very impacting

I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage

50% of them last forever!

I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They're just staggering.

2 people I went to high school with recently got engaged...

...so statistically speaking one of those is gonna end in divorce

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

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