I really didn't mean it.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

The number one fear is public speaking. The second is death.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

I think it might be Steve, he's really sexy.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here

Did you know 80% of statistics are false?

I guess you can call it dada science...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

What are the chances of that?

I shrugged and said, "Hell, anybody can win the lottery."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

For support, rather than illumination.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Today's going to be great!

I told him that’s mean...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

There is now the a-DSM and the b-DSM.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

\-The rest haven't been to prison yet

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Poor bastard

statistics have shown that people who have more of them live longer.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

Theft: 0 cases

Killings: 0 cases

Prostitution: 0 cases

Family and roommate quarrels: 8720 cases

Killings: 0 cases

Prostitution: 0 cases

Family and roommate quarrels: 8720 cases

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Person 2 : I think the class helped

Person 1 : maybe

Person 1 : maybe

He finally came to his census.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

I got a 58% on my last test and cheered.

Because of this, the government got the leading scientists to input hundreds of statistics, such as ground fertility, rainfall, public relations, international relations and population into the best computer in Russia. They waited 4 nights for the answer: 23 kilometres. It puzzled the many politicia...

Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”

“Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”

It’s staggering.

Did you know that:

1. 80% of Reddit users are more likely to click on an NSFW post than on a regular one?

2. the statistic above is not a fact and has been made up

3. the statements above are false

4. the 3 statements above are inconsistent with each other (i.e. cannot all hold...

1. 80% of Reddit users are more likely to click on an NSFW post than on a regular one?

2. the statistic above is not a fact and has been made up

3. the statements above are false

4. the 3 statements above are inconsistent with each other (i.e. cannot all hold...

But for some reason when i kill them it’s monstrosity instead.

Hyundai

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

The Ns justify the means.

At least I know I’m funny

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

9/11 Americans won't appreciate this joke.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

People will believe you 80% of the time.

65% of my emails aren't going out

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

The older you are, the more experience you have not dying

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

This is going to be an exciting week.

-Abraham Lincoln

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

Ten long miserable years

It was a real bad after-math.

Hearing Aids, Walking Aids, Seeing Aids...

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

Well, 46.8%.

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

Is happy?

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!

That's scary!

It means 75% are running around untreated!

That's scary!

It means 75% are running around untreated!

because one mans trash is another one's treasure

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

I feel that December will be amazing

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be

seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They

exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,

"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They

exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,

"This is a very interesting book about sexual statis...

12.5% of statistics are made up on the spot

that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Hmm....

Hmm....

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

They're all mean.

I would put myself somewhere near the top of the bell curve.

...so I decided to help him out by making smoking seem terrible. I told him how smelly he was afterwards. I told him all the health statistics I'd read. I showed him pictures of diseased lungs. I think I finally got through to him when I soaked his cigarettes in gasoline. He was thrilled with me, I ...

A biologist, statistician and a mathematician are watching a house. They see two people enter and three people leave.

Biologist: “We have just witnessed an example of reproduction.”

Statistician: “This falls within the statistical error.”

Mathematician: “If one more person enters the house...

Biologist: “We have just witnessed an example of reproduction.”

Statistician: “This falls within the statistical error.”

Mathematician: “If one more person enters the house...

An engineer, and a mathematician are in a room with a beautiful blonde woman who is completely naked and laying seductively on a bed.

The woman says "you can approach me once per minute, but only covering half the distance between us each minute."

The mathematician gets angry and say "...

The woman says "you can approach me once per minute, but only covering half the distance between us each minute."

The mathematician gets angry and say "...

It's just average.

And average at worst

What're the chances!

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

It is believed that kids have far more pain tolerance than adults.

There could be statistics to support this , if only they stopped screaming their throats out in my basement.

There could be statistics to support this , if only they stopped screaming their throats out in my basement.

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Because he kept telling the teacher, "Never tell me the odds!"

9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

Phone statistics in third world countries:

Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00...

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

No wonder even their parents call them beta.

They do, however, say "zed".

... that 7 out of 10.

Because it's a co-median ^_^

The results were very impacting

because of the tally-ban

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

The aftermath was terrible.

50% of them last forever!

They're just staggering.

He's doing confidence intervals.

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Especially frightening because that means there is 75% walking around undiagnosed

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