Attempts Jokes

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Fake noose.

A high coup

....no pun in ten has.

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

But even he could not survive 2016

.....but the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behaviour, I'll let you ... read more

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

The bouncer tells him he's not allowed in without a neck tie on tie night.

So the man goes back to his car in search of a tie and the closest thing he could find was a pair of jumper leads.

He decides to tie those around his neck and as he attempts to enter the pub again the bouncer sa... read more

Damn, he would have gone through some dark times.

You know, the people with the government who still can't handle seeing a black person on a movie poster.

Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he ... read more

One day she comes home and says "Today is the day I will hang myself." She leaves behind a suicide note for her husband on the table which read "I'm sorry honey, I cannot go on any longer." The husband comes home and sees the note and runs outside in a panic. He sees his wife hanging from a tree. "H... read more

They're my tales of whoa.

Then the Chinese did very well for getting Covid in 19

and is stopped by the bouncer. The bouncer says we'll have none of your sort in here tonight. The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

A spokesperson for the group has stated that they are now doubling their efforts to make trains run on Thyme.

A man tried to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. He left New York and headed for England. He battled rough seas, strong currents, and freezing cold water. After 6 months, he was within one mile of England when realized he was just too exhausted to make it to shore. So he swam back.

Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.

There’s a big loud crowd gathered when he’s heard weakly calling for Matthew. Matthew rushes toward the cross but is brutally beaten back by the Roman soldiers guarding it. He runs around to the far side and tries again. Again he’s beaten back. Finally after several more attempts a beaten and bloody... read more

What a dense child.

....but was like, "Nah, I can't do a Trump world. Good luck y'all, I'm out."

Literally no one is ever actually willing to solder the wires or tie a proper noose for me though.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b... read more

I said, “Don’t worry. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon lan... read more

Im not capable of making dad jokes

The next morning his wife yells at him; "Come on, how much did you drink yesterday?!"

"Why, not that much, i guess?"

"The bar just called, you forgot your wheelchair"

Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive.

A woman went to a shoe showroom to buy herself a new pair of shoes.

She spent an hour trying out many shoes. After 35 attempts, she found the 36th shoe really impressive.

"How much is this one?" she asked the shopkeeper.

"Nothing! You can take it for free" said the shopkeeper.<... read more