Attempted Murder Jokes - 23 Hilarious Attempted Murder Jokes

Guys, I just broke up an attempted murder...

But to be fair, those crows shouldn't have been gathering in the middle of the road

What's another way of saying attempted murder?

Marble Staircase.

I witnessed an attempted murder earlier...

Luckily only one crow showed up...

Surviving an attempted murder on April 1st.

Is just gods way of saying "April Fools"

Russell Crowe & Sheryl Crow walk into a bar…

The bartender calls 911, "I need to report an attempted murder!"

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

I have survived an attempted murder

It was all going so well until the police came

I tried to start farming crows, until I was arrested.

They charged me with attempted murder.

I saw an attempted Murder today.

Just 2 or 3 crows; not a full murder yet

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

A man was arrested for trying to attract crows to his garden.

He was convicted of attempted murder.

Prisoner complains to guard as he first arrives at prison:

Even the judge knows I'm being imprisoned for a crime I never committed!

Guard: What you in for?

Prisoner: Attempted murder.

OC

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

A crow was arrested during lockdown for trying to organise a get together with many other fellow crows.

The police said he was arrested for attempted murder.

Almost Murderer

*In jail*

Guy: "So what are you in for?"

Me: *Thinking back on trying to collect and breed crows* "Attempted Murder."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Protesting Crows

A crow march was organized online - smart little buggers. Only two showed up. Thousands bought tickets on TikToc... The two crows were arrested. When asked why they didn't wear masks they said they were not afraid of Corvid-19. They were charged with attempted murder.

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.

What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.

A crow invited all his friends to come round to his house, but no-one showed up....

It was an attempted murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If abortions are illegal in 2 states

Sex without conception can become premeditated attempted murder.

What is it called when you bid on a bunch of crow eggs on Ebay?

Attempted murder.

So a crow sits alone in a park...

A single crow sits alone on one of the many benches in the park. Suddenly a second crow comes along and lands next to the one crow. The two crows exchange a mild conversation until they spot a third crow flying overhead. Suddenly they begin to yell at the other crow until it too lands on the bench, ...

I watched a crow land on the line out front today

it was joined by five more in a few minutes. They sat cawing softly a bit, then flew off different directions.

I think I just saw an attempted murder.

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