4 Norse god, 1 Roman god, and 2 astronomical bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says " Oh, this is a gonna be a week joke"

How long does it take someone who doesn't understand astronomical measurements to change a lightbulb?

A lightyear

A man picks up a hitchhiker on the side of the road

The hitchhiker says, " I'm surprised you picked me up. I could've been a serial killer."

The driver responded, "The chance of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical."

Picked up a hitchhiker last night

He said thanks! how do you know i’m not a serial killer though? I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical

What's the most buffed astronomical body out there?

A steroid.

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Damn Little Johnny

Little Johnny was sitting in class on a Thursday and the teacher made an announcement. She said that she was going to start asking one question every Thursday and if anyone got the correct answer school on Friday would be dismissed. So the first question was...How much does the earth weigh? Little v...

Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale

I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.

Did you hear about NASA's astronomical discovery?

It was a fluke. I heard they didn't plan-et.

Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip.

In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up and gives Watson a nudge. "Watson," he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson.

"And what do you conclude from that, Watson?"

Watson thinks for a moment. "Well," he says, "a...

The Evil Hitchhiker?

So "I" was driving (it's told from the first person) - saw a hitchhicker. It was dark and raining and he looked a little rough, but I picked him up anyway..

After he climbs in and we pull back out onto the highway, he turns to me and, with a wry grin and a glint in his eye, says "How do y...

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Did you hear about the man whose penis is so long that the tip of it could touch the sun?

He has one astronomical unit!

I wanted to buy the latest telescope so I could see outer space

but the cost was astronomical.

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

What do you call a person who believes in the flat earth

An astronomical idiot

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a ...

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Space sex

SpaceX delayed again as atmosphere declares that they, "are tired, has had a long day, and a astronomical headache".

An illiterate dad and his son who has a PhD in astrology went camping.

They unpacked and set up their tent. After dinner they went to sleep. A few hours later dad woke and was looking at the stars.

He woke his son up and asked him, "what do you see?"

He son said, "astronomically, it tells you that there are a lot of galaxies out there,"

His father...

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I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

Why does everyone care about the eclipse?

Probably because it's significance is astronomical.

Probability theory

Probability theory is probably the least understood area by the general population (except for certain gamblers). As a simple example, consider the History Professor friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I re...

I went to the annual stargazing conference yesterday....

...the turnout was astronomical.

What difference does an "A" make?

Between NASA and NSA--it's astronomical.

The Price Difference Between An Average Telescope And A Professional One

is Astronomical.

With this new Space Force being stood up...

I’ve already been hearing that enlistment bonuses are going to be astronomical.

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