UPJOKE
galaxydensityredshiftuniversestaratomhugeblack holecosmologylambda-cdm modelparticle physicsstandard modeltemperaturebigimmense

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked the professor “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry. No Time.”

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

I'd like to explain what happened before the Big Bang.

Unfortunately, there's no time.

Before The Big Bang

There was Big Foreplay

As a Final Fantasy fan, I always wondered why Big Bang Theory only ever referenced the Third Level Spell.

They never even mention Bazin and Bazinra.

If the Big Bang happened 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed, and all of our bodies are made up of matter, that means we are 13.8 billion years old.

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough.

According to the Big Bang Theory the universe began in Arizona

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called

How I banged your mother with two and a half men

The big bang was an incredibly huge, loud disruption

I guess it must've startled everything

Don't ask a busy scientist what was before the big bang.

They'll just say there's no time.

Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God...

I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far.

What came before the Big Bang?

"Allahu Akbar!"

You can't get to a time before the big bang because there was no time before the big bang.

Least it didn't have to worry about being late

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin`s chauffeur

Vladimir Putin is in his limo, being driven through the Russian countryside. All of a sudden, there is a big bang and a big bump. Putin yells at his chauffeur, "What the hell was that?!"
The chauffeur replies, "I ran over a big pig that was lying in the middle of the road. I\`m pretty sure I...

Him: I study ancient history. Her: Oh cool what period?

Him: The big bang.

What do you call a physicist orgy?

The Big Bang

I was getting my hair cut the other day...

...and the girl cutting my hair mentioned she had a degree in cosmology. So I asked her whether she thought the cosmic background radiation was the best evidence for the big bang. She said big bangs would not look good on me, and that's the moment when I noticed the diploma on the wall that said "...

My son asked me how his life started.

I sat him down and told him, "Well son, it all started with a big bang".

He said, "No dad, I know about that, I meant my life".

"That's what I'm talking about", I replied, "it was your mum, me and five other fellas".

Two philosophers are engaged in a rousing debate.

The first says "All my studies, discussions and experiences lead me to firm belief that humans have agency. What has led you to your belief in determinism?"
The second responds:
"The big bang."

“ Yo momma so fat ...

..her fart caused the Big Bang! “

* overheard neighbour’s kids and I chuckled!*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you fuck a supermassive black hole?

With a big bang.

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

How do we know Allah exists?

Because it all started with a big bang
(BTW this is a repost from r/darkjokes)

Allah must be the only God in the universe

I mean, Earth was created with a Big Bang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

Why can you not trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

(Seen on The Big Bang Theory)

Guy is drunk at the local bar...

This Guy is really drunk at the bar, starting to spin and feeling pretty unwell. He decides, enough is enough I am going home. He goes to stand up, and bang falls straight on the floor. "Oh, I am so drunk he says, I will try again". He gets up on the seat takes a deep breath and goes to stand again....

I knew a girl so ugly, she fell asleep at a frat party...

and she woke up with more clothes on.

(Stolen from Big Bang theory, I just love this joke)

What do nerds and Creationists have in common?

They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.