According to the Big Bang Theory the universe began in Arizona

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

I know what happened before the Big Bang...

Chuck Norris ate a can of beans

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”

So if the big bang happended 13.8 billions years and matter cannot be created nor destroyed and our bodies are made out of matter, that means that out bodies are 13.8 billion years old

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough

You know, at the Big Bang, the universe was flipped into an outright stretch.

And other energy bodies were like: "Bro, why are you so contorted?"

The big bang was an incredibly huge, loud disruption

I guess it must've startled everything

What do you get when you cross Big Bang Theory, 2 and a half men and How I met your mother?

How I banged your mother with 2 and a half men

Don't ask a busy scientist what was before the big bang.

They'll just say there's no time.

I'd like to explain what happened before the big bang

Unfortunately there's no time

You can't get to a time before the big bang because there was no time before the big bang.

Least it didn't have to worry about being late

Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God...

I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far.

Two philosophers are engaged in a rousing debate.

The first says "All my studies, discussions and experiences lead me to firm belief that humans have agency. What has led you to your belief in determinism?"
The second responds:
"The big bang."

What came before the Big Bang?

"Allahu Akbar!"

I was getting my hair cut the other day...

...and the girl cutting my hair mentioned she had a degree in cosmology. So I asked her whether she thought the cosmic background radiation was the best evidence for the big bang. She said big bangs would not look good on me, and that's the moment when I noticed the diploma on the wall that said "...

What do you call an orgy between planets?

The Big Bang.

How do we know Allah exists?

Because it all started with a big bang
(BTW this is a repost from r/darkjokes)

“ Yo momma so fat ...

..her fart caused the Big Bang! “

* overheard neighbour’s kids and I chuckled!*

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

My son asked me how his life started.

I sat him down and told him, "Well son, it all started with a big bang".

He said, "No dad, I know about that, I meant my life".

"That's what I'm talking about", I replied, "it was your mum, me and five other fellas".

yo mama so fat.... (that's right)

that the scientific community agreed your birth was conclusive evidence of the big bang

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How do you fuck a supermassive black hole?

With a big bang.

Allah must be the only God in the universe

I mean, Earth was created with a Big Bang

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At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

What do you call an orgy without protection?

The Big Bang, as a lot of existence just got started.

Why can you not trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

(Seen on The Big Bang Theory)

What do nerds and Creationists have in common?

They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.

Guy is drunk at the local bar...

This Guy is really drunk at the bar, starting to spin and feeling pretty unwell. He decides, enough is enough I am going home. He goes to stand up, and bang falls straight on the floor. "Oh, I am so drunk he says, I will try again". He gets up on the seat takes a deep breath and goes to stand again....

I knew a girl so ugly, she fell asleep at a frat party...

and she woke up with more clothes on.

(Stolen from Big Bang theory, I just love this joke)

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