If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

A black hole walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "Hey, would you like to buy anything?"



The black hole says, "No. I'm a light eater."

What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid?

"It was good, but I wish it been a little meteor."

I went to the Black Hole Nightclub.

It was really boring but the potential was infinite.

You know why I hate black holes?

Because I'm rasict

The first image of a Black Hole will be revealed today

it will pull everyone together

A black hole walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Oh not you again!"

"Yeah it's me, set me up"

"Usual light beer?" says the bartender.

"Of course, bring on the puns"

Lady at the bar "So your the famous blackhole we have been hearing so much about and that you know the answer to every joke"

Blackhol...

How did the black hole lose so much weight?

It's simple, he ate light!

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

To see the black hole they needed to build a telescope the size of the earth

To which my wife replied, “Maybe they can build a bigger one that could see your penis.”

(I wish this wasn’t a true story)

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

Why don't black holes get good grades ?

They aren't bright enough.

I see the black hole all over Reddit today...

It’s the only one without a NSFW tag.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

Everybody talks about how amazing the first black hole photo is

I think it's badly underexposed.

I love black holes

they matter a lot to me

It took 8 of the world's most powerful telescopes to take a picture of a black hole.

They could of just asked for a screenshot of my bank account.

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

With the announcement of the first picture of a black hole, scientists have confirmed

once you go black you never do come back

I stopped seeing black hole jokes all of a sudden.

I guess we've passed the event horizon

Why did the black hole get arrested

It commited mass murder

Black holes are like punchlines

You don't see them coming.

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

The first picture of a black hole was released today

but technology will need another century before it can capture an image of your mom.

We need more jokes about the black hole

Said no one ever

They finally released the first picture of the black hole the other day.

I found the story really sucks you in and helps you grasp the gravity of the situation.

Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.

One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."

It’s amazing that we got a picture of a supermassive black hole 52 million light years away from us...

Maybe, one day we can get a full picture of your mom.

Two black holes are jogging in space.

One says "You should slim down to get more attractive."

"Are you dense?" replies the other.

​

A black hole will devour the earth.

Sucks, doesn't it?

An amateur physicist was sucked into a black hole

Apparently, he didn't comprehend the gravity of the situation.

Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.

The black hole couldn't escape.

What's the only thing that can pleasure a supermassive black hole?

A Large Hard-on Collider

Strip clubs are deplorable. They're a moral black hole where the worst of the male half come to ogle at objectified naked women and frankly I feel they should be banned and anyone who walks through the door called out as a pervert.

...

But since we're here...

I put a black hole in my living room.

It's great. Really pulls the room together.

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

A star walks into a black hole...

... but it doesn't seem phazed. The black hole turns to the star and says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

What do Black Holes and the Catholic Church have in common?

They both have a lot of mass that you cannot escape!

What are denser than black holes?

Flat earthers

A cow with no voice is thrown into a black hole

An immoovable object meets an unstoppable force.

Don't read discussions in /r/ask science about black holes.

It will pull you in.

Girl, you're like a supermassive black hole...

...because you're incredibly dense, nothing is more attactive than you, and once you suck me in there's no going back.

I was arguing with a black hole.

Great conversationalist, but too dense to listen.

How do you show your appreciation towards black holes?

Thanks for nothing!

Meeting your ex IRL is like staring into a black hole

There should be something there, but there isn't. And it sucks.

What do the USA and a black hole have in common?

They both have a problem with mass incarceration.

My boy asked me what the pictures from space were yesterday.

I told him they're black holes, son.

Today in American News

Today in American News:

Red Channel- Black Holes don't exist and any images of them are a government conspiracy and a liberal coup.

Blue Channel- Black Holes exist, they were created by the Russians, they will kill everyone on the planet in 12 years and anyone who disagrees is racist...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Neil DeGrasse Tyson made a porno.

It’s called “Neil DeGrasse Tyson explores black holes”

Did you hear the news about the collision between two black holes?

It's really making waves.

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

My teacher says I’m a time waster and too dense.

I told her I absorb everything but the information just gets lost.

She didn’t believe me and is now forever circling.

Sucks being a black hole...

An astronaut who travelled to the edge of the universe noticed an anomalous reading...

...his shuttle readings came back to inform him there was a flat solid matter extending from his location to the universe's horizon, like a path.

He approached cautiously but a black hole suddenly formed behind the ship. The spacecraft went haywire, lights blinking, alarms blaring and he bare...

An astronaut walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "what brings you in today?"

The astronaut says, "well, I didn't *planet.* It's just that my wife - don't get me wrong, she's my whole *universe,* - has left a great big *crater* in my heart. I was *over the moon* when she and I got married, but recently she's been saying s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

20 years into the future, NASA has a program for the public to travel to all planets. NASA has a Kennedy Space Center Ticket kiosk, run by Neil deGrasse. A man walks up with $200 "One ticket to soar around Uranus." Neil: "Here you go, you must take the proper precautions,the journey is rough."

"You have to pass through a black hole to get there."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is Stephan Hawking's favorite porn genre?

Ebony. The dude loves black holes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A moth goes to the dentist.

"Come in," says the dentist, "What's the problem?"
The moth drops down into the chair and says "What's the problem? I don't even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I'm too spineless to stand ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

John really loves black women, but can never seem to date one. He seeks help from his friends.

He meets up with them: "Guys, I am 27 years old. Soon I'll settle down with a nice girl and build a family. But whatever happens, I really want to date a black girl. I fear that when I'll get married, I won't ever be able to fulfill this desire of mine."


Robert, his stoner friend, suggest...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is Uranus classified as a planet

and not as a Black Hole?

I went to a space museum today but was a bit disappointed...

It was completely empty! Well, except for the black hole on display, but it sucked.

Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans?

Because he loves to study black holes.

Don't trust any diet advice that tells you to eat light...

For that's most certainly the way to become a black hole.

A fisherman catches a magic newt in his net

The newt is startled at first but he looks around and sees that the net is actually rather large. Huge in fact, it seems to cover the entire pond! Realising that this isn't really a problem after all, he continues about his usual magic newt daily business. He swims around for a bit, visiting all of ...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third guy a quarter of a beer, the fourth guy get a eighth of a beer the fifth orders a sixteenth of a beer...

The bar then collapses into a black hole due to the crowd.

Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?...

On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

...which quickly becomes overcrowded. The bartender trying to take jocular orders for one beer than half a beer than a quarter of a beer and so on and so forth is crushed to death as are all the other patrons. And the mathematicians themselves, of course. Still they walk in. Somehow they force thems...