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Black Hole Jokes

How did the black hole lose so much weight?

It's simple, he ate light!

Why don't black holes get good grades ?

They aren't bright enough.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

I put a black hole in my living room.

It's great. Really pulls the room together.

Why do all planets want to date black holes?

Because they're so attractive!

A black hole walks into a bar

A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

An astronaut fell into a black hole...

After, a NASA official was explaining the situation to the dead astronaut's, now widowed, wife.

"What do you mean he was spaghettified?" The widow interjects.

The official replies, "I'm sorry. Your husband has... Pasta way..."

It took 8 of the world's most powerful telescopes to take a picture of a black hole.

They could of just asked for a screenshot of my bank account.

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid?

"It was good, but I wish it been a little meteor."

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

What did the black hole say to the photon passing through its galactic backyard?

“Get bent.”

What happens to Musk when he approaches a black hole?

He gets Elongated

A black hole walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Oh not you again!"

"Yeah it's me, set me up"

"Usual light beer?" says the bartender.

"Of course, bring on the puns"

Lady at the bar "So your the famous blackhole we have been hearing so much about and that you know the answer to every joke"

Blackhol...

What do vegan black holes say?

"I'm on a strictly planet based diet"

What’s the difference between a black hole and a Mediterranean museum?

The museum has many Cretian dishes, but the hole only has one accretion disk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA recently decided to launch Uranus into a black hole

Personally I don't think it's a good idea to be rubbing Uranus and Heranus together.

Someone was falling into a black hole

The gravity of their situation was really becoming apparent.

Did you hear about the astronaut who was nonchalant about flying near a black hole?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Ba dum tiss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you fuck a supermassive black hole?

With a big bang.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a rude black hole?

A masshole.

I told my friend, a black hole, the best joke I had in the book

They said they didn’t get it. I said “Wow, you’re dense”

Due to spaghettification, if Elon Musk flew his shuttle through a Black Hole...

he would become Elon Gated.

Everybody talks about how amazing the first black hole photo is

I think it's badly underexposed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Neutron Star wanders near a Black Hole...

Neutron Star: Hey, imma just pass by real quick."

Black Hole: \*Laughs\* You dense motherfucker.

The first image of a Black Hole will be revealed today

it will pull everyone together

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

An amateur physicist was sucked into a black hole

Apparently, he didn't comprehend the gravity of the situation.

I went to the Black Hole Nightclub.

It was really boring but the potential was infinite.

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

I see the black hole all over Reddit today...

It’s the only one without a NSFW tag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

Meeting your ex IRL is like staring into a black hole

There should be something there, but there isn't. And it sucks.

People keep talking about black holes

I guess they have a lot of mass appeal.

A guy tells me that black holes aren't frightening

But I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation here.

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

What is more heavy, one pound of your dad or one pound of a black hole?

Its relative.

What's the only thing that can pleasure a supermassive black hole?

A Large Hard-on Collider

We need more jokes about the black hole

Said no one ever

I was arguing with a black hole.

Great conversationalist, but too dense to listen.

What are denser than black holes?

Flat earthers

A star walks into a black hole

But the star doesn't seem to be fazed.

The black hole says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

The first picture of a black hole was released today

but technology will need another century before it can capture an image of your mom.

They finally released the first picture of the black hole the other day.

I found the story really sucks you in and helps you grasp the gravity of the situation.

Yo mama so fat

She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the black hole say to the Catholic priest?

"I'm sorry, father. I'm rather critical of mass."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's common between assholes and black holes?

They both suck duhh.

Two black holes have a rendezvous.

Turns one to the other and says "Do you find me attractive?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Niels Bohr: "So Let me get this straight. If I was having sex with my girlfriend and I thrust at the speed of light, would my penis gain infinite mass?"

Albert Einstein: "I suppose it would. One thing is for sure, you'd certainly create a black hole..."

A cow with no voice is thrown into a black hole

An immoovable object meets an unstoppable force.

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

Why are black holes so popular at parties?

Because they bring everyone together.

Why are black holes fascinating objects in the universe?

Once you go black, you never go back.

What do Black Holes and the Catholic Church have in common?

They both have a lot of mass that you cannot escape!

How do you show your appreciation towards black holes?

Thanks for nothing!

Did you hear the latest news from black holes?

​Nothing has come out

how does a female astronaut pick up men?

"have you ever been inside a black hole?"

Did you hear the news about the collision between two black holes?

It's really making waves.

What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle the black hole looking for cling-ons

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."

Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

A Kerr black hole is one with a ring-shaped singularity in it, but the name also sounds a lot like the word "cur".

I'm sure there is a joke in there somewhere, I just can't make it out.

It’s amazing that we got a picture of a supermassive black hole 52 million light years away from us...

Maybe, one day we can get a full picture of your mom.

The deep hole [PG]

Two guys, Jim and Dwight, were out for a hike. While on their jaunt they came across a pitch black hole the size of a minivan. Amazed Dwight walked carefully to the edge. He looked into the utter darkness and exclaimed "Woah! Hey Jim, how deep do you think this goes??"


Jim saunt...

A friend said my sense of humor was so dark...

that is was like a black hole. Not even a light pun could escape it.

Cosmopology

A grad student was reading through a cosmology working draft when he discovered one that referred to the majority of stars in the sky as Bowie Remnants. Confused, he emailed the professor and asked for an explanation.
Well, a Bowie Remnant is what you get when a bright star tries to collapse i...

Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected

and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.

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