UPJOKE
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My barber is big into astrology, and told me that every zodiac sign corresponds to a certain hairstyle, except for one

Cancer.

My thoughts on zodiac signs

Like I don’t mind them in general, but I hate it when people bring them up all the time.


So this one time I called my friend and asked him if he wanted to go to the mall with me.


He said, “No dude, I can’t, I have cancer.”

Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair?

Well, besides cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I broke up with my girlfriend because of Zodiac signs incompatibility

She is a Pisces, and I don't believe in bullshit.

Doctor: "what's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "I'm a cancer, why?"

Doctor: "oh, what a coincidence!"

You wanna hear about something ironic? My grandma’s zodiac sign was Cancer.

She was killed... by a giant crab.

Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . .

Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)

Ugh, my Doctor got my zodiac sign wrong!

I’m a Capricorn, not Cancer!

-What's your zodiac sign?

-Tyrannosaurus.
-But that's not even a real sign.
-None of the zodiac signs are real.

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

I hate people who defend their laziness with their zodiac sign!

I mean, I invited my friend into an important friend reunion but she didnt go!

I asked her what was wrong she said' "Oh, I have cancer"

Yeah im an Aries! So what?

[NSFW]- What is David Bowie's zodiac sign?

Cancer.

By asking 4 questions i can tell what your zodiac sign is

1. What's your favorite color?

2. What's your mother's maiden name?

3. What's your social security number?

4. What's your birthday?

We lost a planet but gained a zodiac sign.

I guess that's a good constellation prize.

Imagine believing at zodiac signs and horoscopes

That's such a Cancer thing to do.

The only two things that Zodiac signs get right:

1.Some people are twins

2.Some people are cancer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.

For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt.

Doctor visit

A man went to see his doctor for a physical. As the lab results came in the doctor said, "I have your lab results. Don't mind me asking sir, but what's your zodiac sign?" The patient said his zodiac sign is cancer. The doctor said, "well what a coincidence"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Doctor comes to a patient with some bad news

Doctor: Your test results have returned and I'm afraid I have some bad news to tell-

Patient: I'm sick of you know-it-all doctors with your tests and treatments and drugs and diseases. I'm a proud practitioner of homeopathy, an astrologist, and an expert in horoscopes. Speak to me properly!...

A man is in love with a woman who shares the same birthday with him (July 22)

He wanted so badly to impress this woman. But they had nothing in common except for the zodiac sign that they shared, which oddly enough she was named after.

He smoked cigarettes to look cool. Got a job in a nuclear power-plant to sound more interesting. Refused to wear sunscreen on a sunny d...

-So doctor, tell me what is it..

- Cancer

-No, no... why me, I’m gonna die, my family, my kids, Why God, why...

- I’m sorry , I thought you were asking my zodiac sign. You don’t have cancer.

-Thank you God. What a relief. Tell me doctor, what do I have?

-AIDS.

I hope all girls have cancer

As their zodiac sign because they’d be a perfect match for me.

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