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Zodiac Sign Jokes

Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair?

Well, besides cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I broke up with my girlfriend because of Zodiac signs incompatibility

She is a Pisces, and I don't believe in bullshit.

My uncle's zodiac sign was Cancer, which was ironic, because he died

from being crushed by a giant crab.

My thoughts on zodiac signs

Like I don’t mind them in general, but I hate it when people bring them up all the time.


So this one time I called my friend and asked him if he wanted to go to the mall with me.


He said, “No dude, I can’t, I have cancer.”

[NSFW]- What is David Bowie's zodiac sign?

Cancer.

Ugh, my Doctor got my zodiac sign wrong!

I’m a Capricorn, not Cancer!

Doctor: "what's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "I'm a cancer, why?"

Doctor: "oh, what a coincidence!"

Imagine believing at zodiac signs and horoscopes

That's such a Cancer thing to do.

-What's your zodiac sign?

-Tyrannosaurus.
-But that's not even a real sign.
-None of the zodiac signs are real.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.

For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt.

I hate people who defend their laziness with their zodiac sign!

I mean, I invited my friend into an important friend reunion but she didnt go!

I asked her what was wrong she said' "Oh, I have cancer"

Yeah im an Aries! So what?

We lost a planet but gained a zodiac sign.

I guess that's a good constellation prize.

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

By asking 4 questions i can tell what your zodiac sign is

1. What's your favorite color?

2. What's your mother's maiden name?

3. What's your social security number?

4. What's your birthday?

The only two things that Zodiac signs get right:

1.Some people are twins

2.Some people are cancer

An astrologer went to the doctor for her lab results.

*Before the doctor could say anything, the astrologer asks* What's your zodiac sign?

Doctor: Gemini

Astrologer: I knew it, Gemini are the most studious of all the zodiac sign.

Doctor: What's your zodiac sign?

Astrologer: Cancer.

Doctor: **What a coincidence.**

Doctor visit

A man went to see his doctor for a physical. As the lab results came in the doctor said, "I have your lab results. Don't mind me asking sir, but what's your zodiac sign?" The patient said his zodiac sign is cancer. The doctor said, "well what a coincidence"...

Today my dad beat cancer.

By the way what is your mom's zodiac sign?

-So doctor, tell me what is it..

- Cancer

-No, no... why me, I’m gonna die, my family, my kids, Why God, why...

- I’m sorry , I thought you were asking my zodiac sign. You don’t have cancer.

-Thank you God. What a relief. Tell me doctor, what do I have?

-AIDS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Doctor comes to a patient with some bad news

Doctor: Your test results have returned and I'm afraid I have some bad news to tell-

Patient: I'm sick of you know-it-all doctors with your tests and treatments and drugs and diseases. I'm a proud practitioner of homeopathy, an astrologist, and an expert in horoscopes. Speak to me properly!...

A man is in love with a woman who shares the same birthday with him (July 22)

He wanted so badly to impress this woman. But they had nothing in common except for the zodiac sign that they shared, which oddly enough she was named after.

He smoked cigarettes to look cool. Got a job in a nuclear power-plant to sound more interesting. Refused to wear sunscreen on a sunny d...

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